Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

By Ashley Jameson, Heather Kolb, Pure Desire MinistriesHealth & Fitness Religion & Spirituality Christianity Education Self-Improvement Sexuality

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Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love episodes

July 28111 - Healing When Recovery Doesn't Remove the Hurt
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband has two years of recovery, but I'm still devastated by the fact that lust will always be part of our marriage. How do I accept that without it destroying me?

Six months after discovering my husband's betrayal involving sex workers, pornography, dating sites, and ongoing dishonesty, is it really possible for a relationship to recover from this?

Even after two years of recovery work, I still feel profoundly alone because my husband remains emotionally unavailable. How do I navigate betrayal trauma when emotional repair isn't happening?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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17 min
July 21110 - Emotional Intimacy: More Than Sobriety
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My sexually addicted husband is 3 months into recovery. He said he’s never been fully honest with me. How much should he share? How can he learn to be vulnerable after 30 years of being a lone wolf?

My husband has been sober from pornography for 12 years. He is sober but not recovering. He connects to everyone else in his life, but emotionally and physically neglects me. How do we address respect and connection when relapse isn't the issue?

My husband and I have been on the recovery road for a long time and while our relationship is solid, we still personally sometimes struggle with emotional intimacy, like sharing our feelings with each other. Do you have suggestions or tools?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
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19 min
July 14109 - Where to Start in My Recovery Journey
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m in a tough situation. I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group, navigating betrayal from my husband’s porn use, and have recognized serious shame surrounding my own struggle with masturbation. I feel hypocritical for being hurt while struggling myself, and I’m unsure how to prioritize my healing. Should I address my personal struggles before fully processing the betrayal trauma, or can both healing journeys happen together?

In my own struggle with addiction, I’ve noticed how often I fall into lies and manipulation, even when I don’t want to. Why does this pattern feel so automatic and deeply tied to my behavior? What is happening in me that makes honesty feel so difficult when I’m acting out?

As a woman who struggles with sexual brokenness, I've tried to find help within the church, but it often feels unsafe, minimizing, or even shame-inducing. I thought the church would be the safest place to heal, so why does it feel so hard to be honest there? How do I find support when the place I expected safety feels so complicated?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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21 min
July 07108 - The Hidden Aspects of Sexual Addiction
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
After discovering my husband’s long-hidden porn addiction and affair, my adult children and I are struggling to reconcile his deep involvement in faith and ministry with the secret double life he lived for decades. I don’t know how to explain the disconnect between genuine devotion and destructive behavior. Was his faith real, or was it all a mask?

After years of recovery work, I’m concerned my husband’s addiction may have shifted from pornography to an unhealthy fixation on sex and physical access to me. His constant touching and spiritual justifications leave me feeling objectified instead of safe or loved. How do I set healthy boundaries around intimacy without damaging connection or recovery progress?

After 27 years of marriage and years of counseling and recovery work, my husband recently admitted he follows his own definition of sobriety, leaving me feeling deceived and deeply used. As we prepare for full disclosure and a polygraph, I feel emotionally exhausted and ready to leave, yet conflicted by my faith and church beliefs. Am I wrong for wanting divorce after so many broken promises and shifting truths?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Resources:
Adult Children of Sex Addicts
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
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21 min
June 30107 - Betrayal, Heartbreak, and Addiction Patterns
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
After five years of betrayal and partial recovery efforts, I’m seeing new honesty and engagement from my husband, but repeated slip-ups leave me unsure what’s truly changing. I’m caring for myself well, yet struggling to discern whether this reflects early sobriety with setbacks or simply a different addiction pattern. How do I know the difference?

Three and a half years into recovery, another disclosure of relapses has left me devastated and questioning whether I’ll ever feel deep love for my husband again. Even before this, my feelings already felt distant and dulled compared to before the betrayal. Can love truly return after repeated heartbreak, or does it change permanently?

A year into recovery after my husband confessed long-term struggles with pornography and lust, I can see real transformation in him, yet I still feel deeply wounded by the reality that lust may always be something he battles. Even his honesty and progress don’t remove the pain this creates in me. How do I live with the ongoing reality of that struggle without feeling devastated by it?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Resources:
Lapse Vs Relapse

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
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18 min
June 23106 - Understanding My Sexual Struggles
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
After 16 years of recovery from sex addiction, I’m realizing how deeply my relationship with my mother still shapes my emotional triggers around criticism, guilt, and performance. While our relationship has improved and I truly believe I’ve forgiven her, I still find myself reacting, trying to change or educate her, and questioning whether lingering pain means forgiveness is incomplete. Can healing from a mother’s wounds continue even after genuine forgiveness has taken place?

I struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors and confusion around same-sex attraction. I often feel shame and uncertainty about what my experiences mean, especially when I’m trying to live with integrity. How do I understand my patterns, reduce compulsive behavior, and begin healing without self-condemnation?

After my divorce, I’ve found myself sexually acting out in ways that leave me feeling empty and ashamed. I want to understand why this is happening and how to stop repeating it. How do I begin real healing and rebuild self-control after divorce-related pain and loneliness?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Resources:
Mother Hunger
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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21 min
June 16 105 - Dying Marriage, Secondary Betrayal, and Triggers
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I resonated with your thoughts on marriage stagnation from episode #95. My husband stopped relapsing but isn’t actively pursuing healing, and I feel stuck, discouraged, and worn down. After years of little growth, I’m unsure what I believe about biblical grounds for divorce. In this kind of gray space, where change feels stalled, would divorce be biblically justified?
When my church, once a safe home, responded to my betrayal trauma by focusing on my reactions instead of my spouse’s accountability, it felt like a second betrayal. I’m struggling to know what’s healthy moving forward. When is it time to leave, and how do I grieve losing my spiritual community while still healing from betrayal?
Can you talk about wet dreams? My husband and I are currently sexually abstinent with each other in our marriage. He reported a wet dream to me and it was triggering. To be honest, I know wet dreams are normal but part of me wonders if he’s acting out as a part of it. I don’t like how this situation makes me feel but I also don’t know what reasonable responses are.
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Resources:
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
Good Boundaries & Goodbyes
The Life Saving Divorce
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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22 min
June 09104 - Sex, Safety, and the Aftermath
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband and I are 2½ years into recovery, and our marriage is stronger than ever. As I enter my third trimester, we want to plan for sex and intimacy postpartum, especially after a difficult recovery with our first child. How can we approach this season in a healthy, connected way that supports both healing and intimacy?

I’m experiencing betrayal trauma in my marriage, and I’m trying to rebuild safety and trust after what’s happened. My spouse seems to believe that sex will bring us closer and help heal the relationship, but it actually feels triggering and disconnecting for me right now. Why is it so hard for them to understand that sex alone won’t repair betrayal or create emotional safety?

After divorcing my spouse due to addiction, he still continues to blame me for what happened and the breakdown of our relationship. I’m trying to heal and move forward, but the ongoing blame feels confusing and painful. How do you respond when someone keeps assigning you responsibility even after the relationship has ended?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Resources:
The Betrayal Bind
Cliff & Joyce's Books
The Life Saving Divorce
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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16 min
June 02103 - Distinguishing the Difference Between Worth, Attention, & Identity
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m a woman in ministry and I’ve noticed a pattern where I seek validation through flirting and attention from men, even when I don’t intend harm. I want to break this cycle and grow in healthier boundaries and identity. What kind of help, support, or practices would actually help me change these patterns in a lasting way?

I desire deep connection, but I also fear abandonment, which affects how I show up in relationships. How do fear of abandonment and attachment wounds shape relational behavior, and how can women begin to heal this?

I sometimes feel shame around my relational or sexual patterns and don’t know how to talk about it without feeling “broken.” How can women bring these struggles into the light in a way that leads to healing instead of shame?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Resources:
The Fantasy Fallacy
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS
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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
19 min
May 26102 - What To Do When Recovery Stalls Out
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband and I have been together since childhood, married for 7 years, and six months ago I discovered his long-term porn addiction. It feels like a deep betrayal, and I’m struggling to heal and trust again. Even though he’s in recovery and doing the right things, I still feel stuck. How do I move forward when our story feels broken?

My husband’s mindset seems to be keeping him from engaging in recovery. He often becomes entitled and shifts blame onto me, and he sees boundaries as rejection. I know you’ve addressed similar dynamics before, but how can a spouse respond when these patterns are blocking accountability and making real healing difficult?

From an addict spouse: I’ve struggled with porn throughout my 14 year marriage and am now in recovery. As my wife and I enter formal disclosure, I’ll hear the impact of my betrayal, and I want to respond well without becoming defensive. How can I stay present, process her pain, and grow through this disclosure process in a way that supports her healing?
If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
19 min

About Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

From the publisher's feed

Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like…