Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband and I are 3.5 years post-discovery, yet he still avoids taking ownership for issues tied to his long-term sexual addiction unless pressured. As Christians, I feel truth-telling should be shared, not one-sided, and I’m troubled this wasn’t addressed earlier in our counseling. How can I move forward?

- After 27 years of marriage, I discovered my husband’s long-term emotional and physical infidelities, causing severe trauma. Therapy didn’t address full disclosure, boundaries, or cessation of contact with his affair partners. He avoids discussing the past and blames me for focusing on it. How can I truly move forward and heal?

- After 30 years of marriage, I’ve discovered my husband secretly recorded us having sex despite my boundaries, causing deep feelings of violation and exploitation. He shows little affection and hasn’t sought help, while I’m in counseling and a recovery group. Is it reasonable for me to feel done with the marriage?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

Is It Me?

If He's So Great Why Do I Feel So Bad?

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

Surviving an Unwanted Divorce

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- What books would you recommend reading to help me understand sex and orgasm?

- After 18 years of marriage and repeated betrayals by my husband, I’ve been divorced for two years and abstinent, yet I struggle with a strong sexual desire I’m unaccustomed to outside marriage. How can I navigate these desires faithfully while waiting for a godly partner?

- I keep having dreams about sex and cheating on my husband. I wake up feeling guilty. Is this a reflection of my character, and is there a way to make the dreams stop?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband’s parents are loving and generous, but since D-Day, he hasn’t been honest with them about his actions or the consequences. He was fired and had to hire a lawyer due to his acting out behaviors. I’ve become his secret keeper, which leaves me resentful and conflicted. How much truth should I share with his parents without oversharing but so they know it’s gone beyond porn use?

- I’m almost finished with my first Betrayed & Beyond group, and while the community has been incredibly helpful, I’ve also felt isolated. Few seem to understand the added burden of legal issues from a spouse’s acting out. What support exists for those of us navigating court or jail situations while choosing to stay?

- In the midst of the betrayal, how do you hold on to hope that this too shall pass?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Group Leader Training

Female Groups Point of Contact - [email protected]

Male Groups Point of Contact - [email protected]

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Does PD counseling include diving into family of origin trauma such as enmeshment between a parent and a child?
• Through my healing I’ve learned a lot about attachment styles. My young adult daughter doesn’t have an obvious attachment style and doesn’t seem interested in pursuing life outside of our home. Why do you think this is?
• Recently discovered our teenage daughter is reading smut. We have had ongoing conversations about how our sexuality is a gift from God. Our kids are also aware of my husband’s struggle and that we’re 5 years into this process. How would you approach the conversation to not shame her?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Girl Talk
YYL

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- In a dating context, how much recovery should my boyfriend have from sexual addiction prior to us stepping into marriage?

- I’m leading an Authentically You group, and several young women are sharing about their fiancés’ struggles with porn. They seem determined to marry despite hidden worries. I know the heartbreak and struggle that likely awaits these young women. As someone whose husband is in long-term recovery, I feel torn—should I directly warn them not to marry without real help and sobriety?

- I’m in my late 20s and dating someone who’s been in recovery for sexual addiction through groups and counseling. I’ve also been through Betrayal & Beyond. Despite his efforts, he hasn’t maintained consistent sobriety, and I feel heartbroken and powerless. I want to believe in his healing, but should I keep dating him or step back for my own healing?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• More women are coming to group with strangulation trauma as part of the abuse they’ve gone through. I recently had a woman in group who had experienced this and ended up with a blood clot in her neck that could have been life threatening. How do we learn more/have better awareness around this?
• What is the best way to handle spiritualizers in your group—especially if they are spiritualizing the situations of other group members in group conversations. It can be difficult to navigate those conversations in a group setting.
• In group, I’ve heard others talk about emotional affairs—how do you define an emotional affair?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

PD 50 Shades of Grey Review

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Even though I'm faithful to my husband, and love him dearly, I lust and fantasize and my maladaptive daydreaming is out of control. How do I navigate these waters? Is this past trauma and my need for control? Where do I start with healing?
• I stopped my own porn use three years ago after finding out about my husband’s addiction, but I never really addressed it or worked through it — I just buried it. What steps should I take now to deal with the patterns and wounds that may still be affecting my mental health and my relationship with him?
• Why do I want to masturbate after being hurt by my husband? Do I have an addiction or is it a hurt cycle I am going through? Is it because he hurt me and I don't want to have sex with him and am trying to get my own needs met?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at  [email protected]

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Fantasy Fallacy

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• How do I not hate or resent my husband when I grieve the inability to try to have more children because we have a sexless marriage due to the trauma of his addiction?
• Can you speak to sexual anorexia after betrayal? It's been 5 years since my husband and I have had sex. He thinks I should be willing to try, but I recoil every time he touches me. I can barely kiss him. I've been through B&B three times (as a leader twice). He has been through Seven Pillars five times, and has been a leader for 4 or 5  years. I discovered his betrayal in 2013.
• My husband is well on his way to recovery and I am so grateful for all his work, but I’m realizing I need more help myself. Now that he has made me the desires of his sexual pleasure, I find that I am more cautious and suspicious of his sexual advances. I’m always analytical about where his needs are coming from. What should I do?

Listen Now

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on  Unfiltered, email us at [email protected].

We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’ve felt the harm of purity culture, but I’m confused by the reaction against it—where modesty seems dismissed altogether. I see Christian women dressing in ways that feel extreme, and I wonder if immodesty reflects deeper heart issues. Is there still space to talk about healthy modesty without sounding judgmental?

- I was told having expectations is wrong, but I disagree. I don’t expect perfection—just honesty, fidelity, empathy, and repentance without blame. My husband says I expect too much, but aren’t these just the basics of a healthy marriage? Where’s the line between reasonable expectations and unrealistic standards?

- My husband and I have been in recovery for years. I’m the higher drive spouse, wanting intimacy more often, but I’ve stopped initiating because I feel rejected or like a burden. When he finally is in the mood, I freeze and feel disconnected—even when it’s genuine. Why do I shut down in the moments I actually crave most?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex

The Gift of Sex

The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I was married for 30 years and I didn’t understand the depth of my husband’s porn addiction until about 8 years ago. He refused to seek help and he recently passed away, so I am doing this recovery alone. About 9 months ago, I found him at his place of business, deceased, in front of his computer masturbating to porn. I have signed up for Betrayal & Beyond. I am wondering if my situation is unique and if this group has anything that touches on my particular trauma?

- Eighteen months ago, I learned my husband had a two-year affair—with a woman I considered a close friend. We’re healing, and I’ve forgiven him, but I can’t move past her betrayal. Why aren’t there more resources on forgiving and healing from infidelity when the other woman was also a trusted friend?

- My husband has not been officially tested, but we wonder if he is high functioning autistic. In what ways does neurodiversity affect the addict's healing process? Are there practical ways to modify or approach support if this is part of the picture?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Grief Share

Is This Autism?

PD Podcast w/ Jenna Riemersma

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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