Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I was married for 30 years and I didn’t understand the depth of my husband’s porn addiction until about 8 years ago. He refused to seek help and he recently passed away, so I am doing this recovery alone. About 9 months ago, I found him at his place of business, deceased, in front of his computer masturbating to porn. I have signed up for Betrayal & Beyond. I am wondering if my situation is unique and if this group has anything that touches on my particular trauma?

- Eighteen months ago, I learned my husband had a two-year affair—with a woman I considered a close friend. We’re healing, and I’ve forgiven him, but I can’t move past her betrayal. Why aren’t there more resources on forgiving and healing from infidelity when the other woman was also a trusted friend?

- My husband has not been officially tested, but we wonder if he is high functioning autistic. In what ways does neurodiversity affect the addict's healing process? Are there practical ways to modify or approach support if this is part of the picture?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Grief Share

Is This Autism?

PD Podcast w/ Jenna Riemersma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I am single right now, but every time I get in the shower I think about when I get married and if my husband will want to take a shower with me. I don't want my husband in the shower. So how would I tell him no without hurting him?

- I'm a follower of Christ. I was sexually abused several times as a child, I struggled with same-sex attraction most of my life, and I am still single. How do I engage my sexual desires at this stage in a healthy way, knowing that I want to honor God above all?

- I am 47 years old and single. I’m having a lot of anxiety about the idea of having sex when I’m married. I want to be married, but I’m afraid sex will hurt, I won’t know how to act, and I don’t even want to have an orgasm. How do I handle all of these thoughts and fears?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you

The Wounded Heart

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- After 9 years of repeated porn discoveries in my marriage, we're now heading into an intensive with a polygraph. It’s our first time using one, and I feel lost on what to ask. What questions truly bring clarity and healing? What are the top questions a betrayed spouse should ask when preparing for a polygraph?

- After years of betrayal, broken promises, and failed recovery attempts, I separated from my husband and began the divorce process. Now he says he wants to reconcile—but I still see addiction, denial, and little change. I love him, but I feel unseen, blamed, and unsafe. Am I holding onto hope, or just delaying the inevitable?

- We’ve been in recovery since 2013 with every tool imaginable, yet my husband never stays sober longer than three months. I carry the emotional weight, manage our home and kids, and suffer the consequences of his choices. I'm exhausted, angry, and feel stuck. I want to leave. Why am I the one paying for his addiction and failures?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Dr. Jill Manning's Article

Good Boundaries & Goodbye

Divorce Pure Desire Podcast

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband and I have been in recovery through PD since late 2024, navigating sobriety, betrayal trauma, and rebuilding intimacy. While I’m seeking emotional safety, he reacts with blame when having sex is paused. I’m craving emotional connection before sex, not withholding love. Am I in the wrong to not have physical intimacy until I feel safe? How can healing happen when emotional safety feels out of reach?
• I feel frustrated by my husband's lack of romance after betrayal. If he pursued me once, why not now—especially after I've chosen to forgive him? I was the one hurt, so why am I still waiting to be pursued? Will he ever learn?
• My husband watches women as they walk by, and when called out about it, he lied. Though he later admitted lying about it, I was told this was growth. I’m also encouraged to “reframe” his behavior as him choosing me—but that feels like spiritual bypassing. Am I reframing, or just gaslighting myself to cope with pain? Any insights would be helpful.

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

5 Ways To Pursue Your Wife Blog 

3 Circles Tool

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I find myself constantly chasing relationships, even unhealthy ones, just so I don’t feel alone. I know it’s not good for me, but the fear of being without someone feels unbearable. How do I start breaking free from this cycle of needing to be wanted?
• When I’m in a relationship, I have obsessive thoughts that I can’t shut off. I wait by my phone for my boyfriend to respond, and I want to be texting him all of the time. But when I’m in person with him, I find myself almost sabotaging the relationship and feeling uncomfortable if things feel like they are getting serious or deep.
• I relapsed with a guy last weekend, and now I feel like I have no right to share the gospel or be a witness to others. I feel ashamed, afraid, and hopeless.

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Crash Site Analysis Podcast Episode

Crash Site Analysis

Escape Plan

Recovery Action Plan

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband and I are a few months into recovery after he disclosed years of hidden porn use. While he believes he’s walking in victory, I’m unsure how to distinguish true healing from another “purge” phase, given his past cycle. With new safeguards in place, how can I know if real heart change is happening—not just behavioral control?
• I’m healing from betrayal in my marriage and making real progress, but I struggle deeply with attending church. Knowing how widespread porn use is—and seeing how the church often stays silent—leaves me angry and grieving. My husband’s unchecked sin in leadership broke my trust in the church. How do I reconnect with a spiritual community that now feels unsafe?
• My husband has been in recovery from porn addiction for nearly three years and has faithfully attended a support group for over a decade. Now he feels ready to step back, saying he no longer needs it and wants more time with our family. While I understand, the idea of him not being in a group makes me uneasy. How do I know it’s truly safe for him to stop?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I just finished Sexual Integrity 101 and want to join Betrayal & Beyond. There are no local groups and a 10-month virtual commitment feels impossible. My husband, a former pastor, abandoned me and our four kids after a devastating affair. I’m doing the work alone while he moves on. I feel forgotten. How do I heal when reconciliation isn’t an option? How do I help my kids heal when I feel so broken?
• My husband has struggled with same-sex attraction and sexual acting out throughout our 30+ year marriage. Despite counseling and periods of change, he’s continued hiding his behavior. We've had almost no intimacy, and I’ve found overwhelming proof of his ongoing actions. I’m pursuing divorce, but I wonder—am I wrong to believe SSA is a separate issue that truly needs addressing?
• We just went through disclosure. My husband confessed to fantasizing and masturbating to images of my best friends, my sister, and several women I know. My best friend whom he has had the most fantasy about is someone I do everything with. Our kids are best friends, our families do everything together, and now I am at a loss. Throughout this process my friends have been such a big support system and now I can't even share with them. Are these types of fantasies normal? I clearly can't trust him with the women who are closest to me.

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Podcast on 'Edging'

Podcast w/ Andrea Rodgers

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband makes me feel small and unwanted. I started fantasizing about the characters in one of my favorite shows. I find myself wishing I were married to a man like that. Whenever I’m not watching my show, I hate my reality and life, but I also do not want to get divorced. What should I do?

- How do I know if my struggle is just about sex, or if it's actually about something deeper, like needing love or validation?

- I’ve tried everything! I confess, read my Bible, have accountability software, pray without ceasing … can I ever break free from my porn addiction? Why do I keep going back to porn, even when I feel disgusted with myself afterward?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Love Addiction Evaluation

Unraveled 

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m reentering dating after ending a relationship with a man who had unresolved pornography struggles and resisted accountability. Now seeking a God-honoring, healthy marriage, I’m wondering how to graciously approach conversations about sexual history and porn use when dating. What level of recovery should be present before considering a relationship safe and spiritually healthy?
• My question is about dating someone who has disclosed that he has a porn and masturbation addiction. We are older and both divorced. He has been open and honest about it. He’s in counseling and wants victory. Part of me wants to run the other way and sever the relationship; part of me wants to wait and see what happens. Am I delusional to think the relationship could work?
• It feels rare to find women who still practice abstinence, even among Christians. Many seem to be sexually active outside of marriage or already have children. With today’s culture and values shifting, especially among attractive women, I wonder—do women who value abstinence and wait for marriage still exist in this day and age? Where are they?

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband confessed to porn, chat rooms, and video calls, but I’ve discovered more he hasn’t admitted. I’m now in a group and writing a Safety Action Plan, but how do you create one when trust is completely broken? If there are consequences, won’t he just hide relapses better? How do I protect myself when honesty feels impossible and I’m afraid to stay—or leave?

- Since D-Day last August, I’ve learned my husband was unfaithful throughout our 25+ year relationship—porn, affairs, sexting, even acting out on vacations and anniversaries. Though we’re in recovery groups, I feel like my entire life has been a lie. Every memory feels shattered. We haven’t told our friends and family. I feel trapped and alone. How do I move forward when even the good moments are so deeply tainted?

- Two years into our healing journey, I still struggle to feel safe with the man who betrayed me. Sex feels like sleeping with the enemy, and early on, he got support while I was left traumatized and alone. Disclosure came months after discovery, deepening the pain. I’m starting Betrayal & Beyond soon—how do I begin to feel secure and whole again?a

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Previous Episodes Mentioned:
Episode 25
Episode 34

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.