This PBSE episode #268, we talk about how recovery is an intensive and transformative journey that goes beyond breaking free from addiction and trauma—it is about rediscovering authenticity, self-worth, and emotional resilience. The process involves patience, self-compassion, and an openness to growth, allowing individuals to step into a life that is vibrant and unshackled from past wounds. Through recovery, people transition from survival mode, where they expend energy on hiding, escaping, or maintaining a façade, to truly living with presence, purpose, and a deeper appreciation for life’s possibilities.

At the heart of recovery is self-love, which serves as the foundation for long-term healing. Many individuals struggle with feelings of unworthiness, shaped by past traumas and destructive behaviors, but learning to nurture oneself through self-care, self-acceptance, and emotional vulnerability creates a newfound sense of empowerment. When individuals cultivate self-love, they develop resilience, set boundaries, and form healthier relationships that are built on authenticity rather than fear or dependency.

The ultimate goal of recovery is not just to avoid relapse but to build a life rich with meaning, joy, and fulfillment. By reclaiming personal power and embracing growth, those in recovery discover a life that is worth fighting for—one where they are no longer prisoners of their past but architects of their future. The journey may be challenging, but the reward is an existence filled with deeper connections, genuine happiness, and the freedom to create a future rooted in purpose and authenticity.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "What is All This Recovery & Healing Work For? Is it Worth It? Why?"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

When a porn/sex addict enters recovery, their personality can shift drastically, often surprising their partner. Many addicts who once seemed pleasant, passive, or easygoing suddenly become irritable, defensive, or even aggressive. This shift is largely due to the withdrawal process, in which they must face emotions they have long avoided through addiction. Many addicts began using their addiction as an emotional escape at a young age, leading to stunted emotional development. When they remove their primary coping mechanism, they are left to deal with life’s challenges without the emotional tools necessary to handle them, often resulting in frustration, mood swings, and difficulty managing conflict in a mature way.

In a past PBSE podcast, we talk about the risk of an "Addict in Recovery Weaponizing his Weaknesses as a Reason to NOT Commit to and Live Real Recovery"

For betrayed partners, this sudden change can feel overwhelming and even unfair. After enduring deception, emotional turmoil, and the initial shock of addiction, they are now faced with an unpredictable partner who seems more difficult than ever. Many partners experience fear and uncertainty, questioning whether their partner’s previous personality was just a mask created by addiction. Additionally, the shifting dynamics in the relationship can be jarring—while addiction often fosters avoidance and passivity, recovery forces the addict to engage more actively in their emotions, sometimes in an unhealthy or unregulated way. This can leave partners feeling stuck in an emotional whirlwind, unsure of how to proceed or whether healing is even possible.

In a previous PBSE podcast, Mark & Steve talk about how it is very normal and understandable for a Betrayed Partner to Feel Resentment Toward Her Addict Partner! How can She Manage This?!

Despite these challenges, there are ways for both addicts and their partners to navigate this difficult stage. Establishing clear boundaries, creating safe communication strategies, and seeking external support systems are essential steps in maintaining stability. Partners must focus on their own healing, ensuring they are prioritizing self-care and emotional well-being, rather than solely focusing on the addict’s progress. Likewise, addicts must take responsibility for their emotional regulation and work toward developing healthier coping strategies. Though recovery can initially feel like a storm of heightened emotions, with time, patience, and the right support, couples can emerge stronger and more connected than ever.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  "Since Getting into Recovery, my Porn/Sex Addicted Partner went from Pleasant to Angry and Aggressive! What is going on???"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 266, Mark & Steve respond to a raw and heart-felt submission by a betrayed partner. They explore the complexities of sex addiction and betrayal trauma, addressing whether compulsive sexual behaviors stem from addiction or are simply acts of revenge in a relationship. It highlights the secrecy, justification, and emotional dysfunction that often accompany addiction, emphasizing that acting out is rarely just about sex but more about numbing emotional distress. The unpredictability of an addict’s behavior can be deeply confusing for their partner, as they cycle through periods of neglect and attentiveness. The article stresses that addiction is rarely resolved by sheer willpower and requires structured recovery efforts, therapy, and accountability.

Here's a past PBSE podcast that deals with what justifications around "porn substitutes" not being within the realm of addiction—"It’s NOT an Addiction if I’m Only Using “Porn Substitutes”—Right???"

The emotional rollercoaster experienced by partners of addicts is another key focus. Many addicts may exhibit changed behavior when confronted with the potential loss of their relationship, but true recovery is determined by long-term consistency and genuine effort, not temporary remorse. The article warns against false promises like “I can stop anytime” and highlights that sustainable change requires addressing the underlying emotional wounds that drive compulsive behaviors. Without proper intervention, the cycle of betrayal and relapse is likely to continue.

Finally, the article urges partners to set firm boundaries, demand real accountability, and not rely on verbal reassurances alone. True healing involves transparency, commitment, and professional support. Partners are encouraged to focus on their own healing by seeking therapy and support networks, as their emotional well-being is just as important as their partner’s recovery. While hope is possible, it must be based on concrete actions rather than empty words, ensuring a safer and healthier path forward.

For betrayed partners confused by their addict partner's mistreatment, here's a past PBSE podcast—The “Abuse Cycle” Par Two—The Impact of Abuse on Betrayal Trauma and Healing

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  "Is My Partner a Sex Addict or Just Getting Back at Me? He says He can Stop anytime."

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 265, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery from porn and sex addiction often begins with external motivators, such as wanting to “get clean for her” or save a relationship. These external pressures serve as a crucial starting point, especially when addicts feel incapable of self-driven change. However, while these motivations may bring someone to the recovery process, they alone are insufficient for long-term success. Sustained recovery requires a shift toward internal motivation, where individuals focus on long-term sobriety, self-improvement, personal growth, and reclaiming their self-worth. This transition, while gradual, enables addicts to build a foundation of resilience, fueled by intrinsic rewards like freedom, self-respect, and authenticity.

Here's a past PBSE podcast article that asks the question—As an Addict, are you “Weaponizing your Weaknesses” as a Reason to NOT Commit to and Live “Real” Recovery?

For betrayed partners, navigating the complexities of recovery can be particularly challenging. The cyclical nature of progress and relapse often leads to emotional exhaustion, underscoring the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. Partners are encouraged to support recovery without taking ownership of the addict’s journey, allowing them to decide what they are willing to tolerate. Recovery for couples requires open communication and mutual respect, creating opportunities to rebuild trust and foster collaboration. When both parties commit to growth, the relationship becomes stronger and more fulfilling over time.

In a past PBSE podcast, Mark & Steve address a very painful question that betrayed partners often ask—Do I Have to Accept that my Addict Partner, even in Successful Recovery, could Betray Me Again?!

Another critical misconception in recovery is the idea of hitting “rock bottom” as a prerequisite for change. While dramatic wake-up calls can sometimes prompt action, lasting recovery stems from deliberate decisions, education, and early intervention. Addicts are encouraged to develop a support network and focus on internal transformation rather than external pressure. Ultimately, recovery is a progressive and collaborative process. By embracing setbacks as opportunities for growth and fostering open communication, addicts and their partners can cultivate a life of integrity, authenticity, and connection.

In this PBSE podcast episode, Mark & Steve help addicts in recovery and their betrayed partners in "Defining Slips & Relapses"

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  "As a Porn/sex Addict, does, "I Want to Get Clean for Her," or "Be Worthy of Her," work as a motive for Real Recovery?"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In episode 264, Mark & Steve discuss how reconciling with a partner who has struggled with porn or sex addiction is a deeply personal and challenging decision that requires a thorough assessment of their recovery progress and the betrayed partner’s own emotional readiness. The trauma of betrayal can leave partners feeling devastated and uncertain about the future, making it crucial to carefully consider whether the addict’s changes are genuine and sustainable. True recovery is not just about abstinence; it involves consistent behavioral changes, emotional growth, and accountability. Partners must look for tangible signs of progress such as transparency, professional support, and a sincere effort to rebuild trust over time.

Equally important in this journey is the establishment of firm, non-negotiable boundaries to ensure past mistakes are not repeated. Boundaries empower the betrayed partner to regain control over their healing while providing a framework for the relationship to move forward in a healthy way. At the same time, partners must take an honest look at their own readiness—processing past pain, ensuring they have a solid support system, and being willing to walk away if necessary. Self-care, therapy, and peer support can all play essential roles in this process.

Reconciliation, if pursued, should be approached with caution and a structured plan, including gradual re-engagement and frequent check-ins to evaluate progress. Watching for red flags such as defensiveness, inconsistencies, and emotional manipulation is crucial to avoid further heartbreak. Ultimately, reconciliation is only worth the risk if both partners are fully committed to healing and growth, creating a foundation for a stronger, more honest relationship. Trusting one’s instincts and prioritizing self-respect will be key in making the right decision.


For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  "My Porn/Sex Addict Partner Put Me Through Hell!  Now He's in Recovery & Wants to Reconcile—is it Worth the Risk?"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 263, Mark & Steve address the devastating impact of betrayal within relationships affected by porn or sex addiction, focusing on the pivotal question, How do I know when I know enough? It discusses the catastrophic effects of betrayal trauma, which shatters trust, devastates intimacy, and leaves partners questioning the foundation of their relationships. The process of recovery is explored through the lens of both betrayed and betraying partners, emphasizing the importance of transparency, patience, and professional guidance to rebuild trust and establish a sense of safety.

This episode delves into the concept of "full disclosure," highlighting its limitations and the importance of balancing the need for transparency with the potential harm of unnecessary details. By navigating this delicate process with professional support, partners can identify what information is essential for healing and what may hinder progress. Disclosure is framed as a collaborative, evolving journey where both parties must engage in open communication and a shared commitment to healing, with a focus on long-term trust and emotional safety.

Here's a past PBSE podcast that goes into much greater detail on what a Formal Disclosure Looks Like

Beyond disclosure, the episode emphasizes the importance of rebuilding safety, trust, and intimacy through ongoing accountability, transparency, and personal growth. It underscores that healing is a non-linear, deeply personal journey that requires resilience, intentionality, and mutual effort. While betrayal creates profound challenges, it also presents an opportunity for transformation and the possibility of redefining relationships in ways that prioritize honesty, connection, and growth.

In a past PBSE podcast, Mark & Steve talk about that fact that There is NO Statute of Limitations on Feelings, Betrayal Trauma and Disclosure.


For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  "As the Betrayed Partner of a Porn/Sex Addict, How Do I Know if/When I Know Enough About His Secret Behaviors?"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 262, Mark & Steve examine the pervasive issue of defensiveness in relationships, particularly in the context of porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma. They explain how defensiveness arises from fear, shame, and unresolved trauma, creating cycles of conflict that block emotional connection. The betrayed partner’s reactions, often rooted in pain and self-preservation, can trigger defensive responses in the addict in recovery, escalating the divide. By shifting focus from being “right” to fostering empathy and understanding, couples can begin to dismantle these destructive patterns and move toward healing.

The episode emphasizes the profound impact of betrayal on trust, illustrating how it disrupts safety and rewires the brain’s survival mechanisms. Both partners must navigate their trauma responses with patience and compassion. Practical strategies such as practicing empathy, authenticity, and curiosity are highlighted as tools to transform conflict into opportunities for connection. Breaking free from defensive cycles requires intentional effort to understand each partner’s perspective and address the root causes of their pain.

The episode concludes by framing recovery as a collaborative effort, requiring commitment and support. Tools like therapy, support groups, and programs like Dare to Connect can help couples rebuild trust and create deeper intimacy. While the journey is challenging, it underscores the potential for relationships to thrive when defensiveness is replaced with genuine understanding and connection.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Defensiveness is KILLING Our Relationship—What Do We DO?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In Episode 261, Mark & Steve discuss how porn and sex addicts often face tremendous challenges with honesty due to a combination of shame, fear, and deeply ingrained survival mechanisms. These barriers drive dishonesty, which erodes trust, isolates the addict, and prevents authentic connection. Partners, in turn, feel the sting of ongoing deceit even more deeply than the betrayal of the addictive behavior itself, leaving relationships fractured and intimacy impossible. The podcast highlights that dishonesty doesn’t protect addicts or their loved ones—it isolates and destroys, creating cycles that are hard to escape.

The journey to honesty begins with small steps, like admitting minor mistakes or practicing daily truth-telling. Developing self-worth through self-care, journaling, and reframing honesty as empowering rather than threatening is crucial. Accountability, both through trusted relationships and support networks, provides the necessary structure for this transformation. By addressing their fears and embracing transparency, addicts can break free from the isolating grip of dishonesty and start rebuilding their lives.

Ultimately, honesty at all costs is the only path to true healing and connection. While the journey is difficult and requires vulnerability, it leads to greater self-acceptance, repaired relationships, and lasting recovery. Mark and Steve emphasize that honesty is not about perfection but about progress, and it offers a gateway to personal freedom and authentic living.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Why Do Addicts Have Such a HARD Time Being HONEST?! How Can We DARE to Tell the TRUTH AT ALL COSTS?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Episode 260 explores the emotional challenges faced by partners of individuals struggling with addiction, focusing on reclaiming happiness and self-worth despite the heartbreak of repeated relapses. It begins by addressing the toll betrayal takes on trust and identity, emphasizing the need for partners to step away from old coping mechanisms and prioritize their emotional well-being. The concept of radical acceptance is introduced as a transformative tool, helping partners embrace the reality of their situation without blame or denial while focusing on areas where they have control.

The importance of boundaries is central to this discussion, with practical examples on how to create and uphold boundaries that protect emotional health and align with personal values. The article highlights the significance of self-compassion, engaging in fulfilling activities, and seeking supportive communities or professional help to rebuild resilience and self-worth. Betrayed partners are encouraged to rewrite their narrative, shifting from victimhood to empowerment.

Finally, the article underscores that happiness is a self-driven journey independent of an addicted partner's choices. By taking ownership of their happiness, partners can create a foundation for strength and stability while pursuing dreams and aspirations that reignite a sense of purpose. It is a call to action for partners to step into their power, build a fulfilling life, and embrace healing as a possibility.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "How Do I Get to Find Happiness Again When My Addict Partner Keeps Relapsing? How can I be OK, No Matter What?"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

The inspiration for Episode 259 comes from a heartfelt submission we received from a betrayed partner. Her words encapsulate a struggle that many couples in recovery face. She wrote:

"It has been 18 months since D-Day, and my husband has been sober for six months. Recently, he went on a work trip, which already triggered a lot of anxiety for me. While he was there, I received a receipt for a movie he watched that contained nudity and sexual content. Even though I trust that he skipped the raunchy scenes, the issue is that there was no consideration for how this would make me feel.

This has been a common theme in our marriage. I have so much compassion for how he got here, but it doesn't seem to go both ways. His sobriety is there, but the selfishness and entitlement don’t seem to be shifting. I’ve asked for an in-home separation because I can't keep living like this. How can I get him to understand how much this hurts?"

These words hit home for so many couples navigating recovery. Sobriety may be present, but without consideration—the conscious choice to think about your partner’s feelings and anticipate their emotional needs—the pain lingers.

Consideration is a vital element in the recovery and healing process, going beyond sobriety to rebuild trust and foster emotional safety. It requires intentional, proactive efforts to understand and empathize with a partner's emotional world, especially in the context of betrayal trauma. Through actions that reflect care and awareness, such as pausing to think about how decisions may impact a partner, consideration demonstrates that their feelings matter. This practice bridges the gap between sobriety and intimacy, as shown in the story of a husband whose thoughtful choice to prioritize his wife's emotional safety became a turning point in their marriage.

Despite its importance, practicing consideration is challenging due to significant barriers. Addicts often struggle with emotional awareness, fear of vulnerability, and habits of selfishness rooted in their addiction, while betrayed partners face fears of being hurt again, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting changes. Both partners may also lack healthy examples of consideration from their past, making it harder to implement. Overcoming these barriers requires consistent effort, including pausing to reflect, validating a partner’s feelings, and taking proactive actions that demonstrate thoughtfulness and care.

When practiced consistently, consideration transforms relationships by fostering trust, collaboration, and emotional connection. It allows betrayed partners to feel valued and chosen, while helping addicts break free from selfish patterns and grow emotionally. This practice turns recovery into a shared journey, where both partners link arms and work together to create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Programs like Dare to Connect offer tools and guidance to integrate consideration into daily life, enabling couples to experience the profound healing it can bring.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "The-powerful-potential-of-consideration-in-recovery-the-betrayal-trauma-healing-process"

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services