How do we help our female athletes excel and be the best at everything they do? And how do we recognize when it’s too much? Is your female athlete struggling to keep up with everything?

There’s a thin line between doing your best and doing too much. Our daughters feeling immense pressure might be coming from a place of perfectionism and competitiveness.

Let’s talk about the early signs of perfectionism, how to differentiate between doing the best or doing too much, and how to help our female athletes get the right balance of things.

Doing your best or doing too much?

We’re gonna start with a question from one of our ECP moms.

“How do I help my athlete who has to be the best at everything she does - academics, social, her sport, etc. She’s drowning trying to keep up with it all.”

Are you familiar with this kind of situation? This whole idea of trying to be the greatest at everything, but then feeling like you're drowning and can't keep up, is a telltale indicator of perfectionism. 

The trouble is that trying to be the best at everything is an unachievable undertaking, and this is where she feels like she's drowning. Human as we are, we cannot do everything and we cannot be the greatest at everything.

And whatever that means to her, whether it's beating everyone in her class or being the greatest on her team, or she simply has this concept of success in her brain that she's always trying for but never reaching. You know, perfection is an unattainable standard to meet.

Looking inward 

If you believe your daughter suffers from perfectionism, I strongly advise her to improve on her mental game. Athletes believe that perfectionism is beneficial when in fact it is hindering their progress. And until they know this and see how it is affecting them, they will remain in these patterns, and the repercussions can be severe. 

Perfectionists frequently experience burnout faster than anyone else. They don't experiment with new things. They're just really critical of themselves. They don't take criticism well. So there are a lot of issues that we need to solve in this area. The athletes don't see it because they believe perfectionism will help them achieve their goals.

There are two things you can do about it. 

The first step is to provide her with the opportunity to learn by:

• Realizing that this is a part of her
• Understanding what perfectionism is
• How it serves her
• How it does not serve her. 

Athletes can have the opportunity to learn these in mental game training such as the Elite Competitor Program.

The second step is what you can do as her mom. 

What you can do is turn the lens inward rather than outward.

Perfectionism, and athletes who suffer from it, are always shifting that lens outward. They are concerned about what others think of them, and they are acting to gain the praise, recognition, and approval of others. 

They are constantly concerned with what other people expect from them. So, we're going to focus that lens inward. And assist them in determining what is important to them.

Assist her in investigating her definition of success. What is her standard of success in school, socially, and in sports? Create an opportunity to ask her these questions since they are quite helpful in helping her reflect on what her definition of success is. And modify their definition of success by having to be better than everyone else and the best.

Improvement is the measure of success for athletes who strive healthily. Personal development. You can help make that happen. Last but not the least, never underestimate the power of simply noticing and telling them the joy of doing things that matters. Perfectionists only do things because they believe others expect them to, even if they’re not happy.

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