Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles.

We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can "Predict, Plan, Prepare, and Revise or Repair" potential issues. - What's required for 'real repair - How life changes, like adding a baby, tend to impact a relationship - Co-regulation vs. Self-regulation - Safety and Security: The bedrock of any successful relationship.

Stan also explains the unique communication challenges presented by technology (texting) and driving both of which lack the crucial visual cues co-regulation requires. "Never get into emotional conversations when driving because you will fight. We're legally blind. It can't work. So pull over."

About Stan Tatkin PsyD, MFT, Clinician, Author and Researcher

Dr. Tatkin was an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine, is the developer of 'A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®' (PACT) and with his wife, Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, co-founded the PACT Institute.

Stan maintains a private practice in Southern California, leads PACT programs in the US and internationally and is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and In Each Other's Care.

About Leila Bahri-Lucas MA, Counselor and Therapeutic Coach

Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master's in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King's College London, Leila's approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change.

Specializing in infertility, blended families, and the many challenges of family building. Leila supports couples through their most difficult moments. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again.

Promotional Message:

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Resources

Websites:

Dr Tatkin's Website

Leila's Website

Training:

7 Days to Better Fights

The PACT Institute

The Developmental Model

Relational Life Institute

Compassionate Inquiry

Leila's CI Circle (Starts 1/14/26) No matter what we're going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila's upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.

Videos:

TEDxKC Relationships Are Hard, But Why?

Welcome Home Exercise for Couples

The Architecture of Relationships

The Neurobiology of Thriving Relationships

Why Love isn't Enough

Books:

Wired for Love (1st Edition: 2012, 2nd Edition: 2024)

In Each Other's Care (2023)

Baby Bomb (2021)

What Every Therapist Ought to Know (2021)

We Do (2018)

Relationship Rx (2018)

Wired for Dating (2016)

Your Brain on Love (2012)

Love and War in Intimate Relationships (2010)

Scattered Minds (2000)

Quotes:

"Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain." - Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds

"When we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, I take you as my pain in the rear with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you are now in my care." - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love

"We don't have to remain at the mercy of each other's runaway moods and feelings. Rather, as competent managers of our partners, we can become expert at moving, shifting, motivating, influencing, soothing and inspiring one another." - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love

"They were too familiar to ignore, but too different to tolerate." - Yuval Noah Harari

"There's no perfect partner. What makes a partner right for you is a shared willingness to create a secure relationship. If you're both willing to go all in together, you are perfect for each other." - Stan Tatkin

Social Media

IG: @drstantatkin @realwithleila

FB: ​​https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute https://www.facebook.com/leilanyc

YT: @stanleytat

LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-tatkin/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/realwithleila/