Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J'aime Rothbard. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

This thought provoking conversation explores relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, but not only presented to that community. Instead it is a vulnerable and honest sharing in which Vimalarara and Jordan offer insights and perspectives rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. In this inclusive episode they touch on the:

- Use of pronouns can create a sense of safety and inclusion - Perspective of gender as a social construct rather than a personal identity - Historical impact of religious and colonial beliefs on gender and sexuality - Concept of "care" being used to justify harmful practices (residential schools/conversion therapy)

This conversation concludes with reflections on the importance of self-awareness regarding one's own biases, and how understanding personal challenges can help in supporting others. It also pauses the conversation on care, which will be resumed in the second part of this episode.

About: Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John, M.A (hon.doc)

Hailed by Dr. Ken Hardy as, "One of the premier social, cultural, and psychological healers of our time" Vimalasara is an award-winning author of 11 books including Detox Your Heart, Meditations for Emotional Trauma, and Eight Step Recovery Using The Buddha's Teachings to Overcome Addiction.

They are a co-founder of the secular 8-week course Mindfulness-Based Addiction Recovery (MBAR) and one of the new leading African Descent Voices in the field of Mindfulness Approaches for Addiction. Their latest book, a First Aid Kit for the Mind, Breaking the Cycle of Habitual Behaviours has been described by Gabor Maté as distilling 'Aeons of Wisdom."

About Jordan Decker

Jordan "SameHeart" Decker is a National and International Speaker, Course Creator of the HeartLine Approach to Gender Affirmation, Creator of the Alchemy of Authenticity Coaching, a Polarity Integration Consultant, a Plant Medicine Guide and Accidental Activist for Transyouth Suicide Prevention.

His background in Neuro-linguistic programming, Somatic Experiencing, Compassionate Inquiry® Training with Dr. Gabor Maté, and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Certificate ground him in educating, consulting and healing trauma through hands-on bodywork.

Tapping into his Indigenous ancestry, he lives to be in alignment with the land, trees, water, air and self. In his spare time he is a cat whisperer and animal lover.

Promotional Message:

If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you.

Resources:

Websites:

Vimalasara's Website

Vimalasara's CI Practitioner Profile

Jordan's Website

Related Links:

Eating Disorder Recovery Programs

Vimalasara's Wikipedia Page

Sadhguru's Website

Bayo Akomolafe's Website

Resmaa Menaken's Website

Videos:

How Not to Die

We Are What We Think - TedX

Let Go of Stories

Courses:

First Aid Kit for the Mind Course

Overcoming Addiction Course

Inner Engineering Course

Compassionate Inquiry Professional Training

Books:

First Aid Kit for the Mind

Detox Your Heart

Inner Engineering

Quotes:

"... about heart disease… what these cardiologists are saying, it's not coronary disease, it's culinary disease. " - Vimalasara

"...we don't think about gender. Because in a way… I really believe that these are social constructs. However, we do live in a world which is gendered, so actually we are treated differently. These constructs …have an impact." - Vimalasara

"I am going with the flow. I'm definitely learning how to be in the river and float, not drown." - Jordan Decker

"I'm not nonbinary in the sense of a third gender or something in-between. I'm nonbinary in the sense that the binary itself is the problem. … My gender is a disruption, a disidentification, a structural exit, a refusal of the classificatory logic that makes gender a legible commodity in the first place." - Maxi Glamour

Social Media:

IG: @vmasonjohn

@_jdeck__

FB: Vimalasara - Valerie Mason-John

Jordan Decker

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles.

We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can "Predict, Plan, Prepare, and Revise or Repair" potential issues. - What's required for 'real repair - How life changes, like adding a baby, tend to impact a relationship - Co-regulation vs. Self-regulation - Safety and Security: The bedrock of any successful relationship.

Stan also explains the unique communication challenges presented by technology (texting) and driving both of which lack the crucial visual cues co-regulation requires. "Never get into emotional conversations when driving because you will fight. We're legally blind. It can't work. So pull over."

About Stan Tatkin PsyD, MFT, Clinician, Author and Researcher

Dr. Tatkin was an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine, is the developer of 'A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®' (PACT) and with his wife, Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, co-founded the PACT Institute.

Stan maintains a private practice in Southern California, leads PACT programs in the US and internationally and is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and In Each Other's Care.

About Leila Bahri-Lucas MA, Counselor and Therapeutic Coach

Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master's in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King's College London, Leila's approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change.

Specializing in infertility, blended families, and the many challenges of family building. Leila supports couples through their most difficult moments. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again.

Promotional Message:

If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues, addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches.

Resources

Websites:

Dr Tatkin's Website

Leila's Website

Training:

7 Days to Better Fights

The PACT Institute

The Developmental Model

Relational Life Institute

Compassionate Inquiry

Leila's CI Circle (Starts 1/14/26) No matter what we're going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila's upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.

Videos:

TEDxKC Relationships Are Hard, But Why?

Welcome Home Exercise for Couples

The Architecture of Relationships

The Neurobiology of Thriving Relationships

Why Love isn't Enough

Books:

Wired for Love (1st Edition: 2012, 2nd Edition: 2024)

In Each Other's Care (2023)

Baby Bomb (2021)

What Every Therapist Ought to Know (2021)

We Do (2018)

Relationship Rx (2018)

Wired for Dating (2016)

Your Brain on Love (2012)

Love and War in Intimate Relationships (2010)

Scattered Minds (2000)

Quotes:

"Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain." - Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds

"When we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, I take you as my pain in the rear with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you are now in my care." - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love

"We don't have to remain at the mercy of each other's runaway moods and feelings. Rather, as competent managers of our partners, we can become expert at moving, shifting, motivating, influencing, soothing and inspiring one another." - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love

"They were too familiar to ignore, but too different to tolerate." - Yuval Noah Harari

"There's no perfect partner. What makes a partner right for you is a shared willingness to create a secure relationship. If you're both willing to go all in together, you are perfect for each other." - Stan Tatkin

Social Media

IG: @drstantatkin @realwithleila

FB: ​​https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute https://www.facebook.com/leilanyc

YT: @stanleytat

LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-tatkin/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/realwithleila/

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive 'cheating') and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory.

Jesica and David explain: - Polyamory is often adopted as a personal orientation or for philosophical reasons - A key concept in managing multiple relationships is: "Love is infinite, but time isn't." - How the structured approach of restorative justice navigates conflict in intimate relationships - The crucial role Internal Family Systems plays in healing within polyamorous contexts - How Shame Triangles can be transformed into Self-Love Triangles

JP vulnerably shares his personal journey into polyamory, including his challenges with anxious and avoidant attachment tendencies, past shame, and how to approach the topic with his children.

About Jessica Fern Integrative Therapist, Coach, Author A Certified Clinical Trauma Professional she holds a MA in Conflict Resolution, and draws on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She bridges Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, trauma recovery, and relational psychology to help people cultivate secure, Self-led relationships—with themselves and others.

Jessica is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure (2020), The Polysecure Workbook (2022), Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).

In her international private practice, she supports individuals and couples in multi-partner relationships who want to break free from reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment, and past trauma—empowering them to embody new possibilities in life and love.

About David Cooley Restorative Justice Facilitator, Diversity & Privilege Awareness Trainer, Bilingual Cultural Broker

While working as a professional Restorative Circle facilitator and trainer in the field of Restorative Justice, David was impressed by the power of dialogue, within a safe and structured container, to radically transform conflict into a tremendously healing process. So he created the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.

In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques.

With Jessica Fern, he co-authored Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).

About Jan Peter Bolhuis Psychosocial Therapist, CI Private Mentor & Practitioner

Having been trained by Gabor Maté and others, JP is currently completing his development in ACT therapy. He runs a trauma therapy practice, works in homeless care and teaches close combat in his own school.

A 55 year old father of three and grandfather of one, JP lives in a peaceful, forested environment and shares his life in a polyamorous relationship.

Relationships are no longer places where he adapts to belong, but invitations to be real. For his first 46 years JP drifted far from himself.

Over the past eight years, he learned to hold himself in pain or confusion without disappearing into old patterns of numbing with distraction, sex or drugs. He also shifted from surviving to living with awareness, from strategy to values and from correction to connection.

For JP, healing is no longer a destination but an 'in the moment' choice to 'ride the rollercoaster.'

Promotional Message: If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you

Resources:

Websites:

Jessica's Website

David's Website

JP's Website

JP's Healing Grounds Site

JP's Compassionate Inquiry Profile

Articles:

The Universal Human Need to be Seen, Heard and Valued

The Karpman Drama Triangle

Books:

Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work

Videos:

Gabor Maté on Marriage

Podcasts:

Quotes:

"To be truly seen and heard, to be truly known, is a deep human need." - Charles Eisenstein, Sacred Economics: Money, Gift, and Society in the Age of Transition

"Nonmonogamy can be a pressure cooker for growth. It is commonly and playfully known in the nonmonogamous world that you shouldn't enter consensual nonmonogamy unless you are ready to process, communicate, grow and then process, communicate and grow some more." - Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

"A relationship can be a real ground for mutual growth. So you can enter into a relationship... you're not going to be perfect, carry a certain degree of trauma, a certain degree of dysfunction, etc. But if both people are committed to the truth more than "who's right" and working it out and if the fundamental love is there, then you can grow together." - Gabor Maté

Social Media:

IG: @jessicafern411 IG: @bolhuisjanpeter

David on LinkedIn

JP on LinkedIn

JP on Facebook

Jessica on Facebook

Hosted by J'aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar differences in sexuality are often judged.

Diana and Silva also highlight: - How religions' prohibition of 'sex for pleasure' causes widespread shame, which has been identified as a significant driver of sexual compulsivity and distress. - Why medical professionals and therapists feel discomfort discussing sexual issues - How societal judgments about sexual behaviors suppress curiosity and open communication. - Why problematic porn viewing is often a symptom of underlying mental health issues

The episode concludes with a message of love, connection, and the idea that sexuality is not the opposite of spirituality, but a part of our common humanity, inviting us to bring softness and curiosity to our inner worlds of pleasure and intimacy.

About Silva Neves, Psychosexual, Relationship EMDR & Trauma Psychotherapist

An award-winning, experienced psychosexual and relationship therapist, Silva is a specialist in the treatment of compulsive sexual behaviours and in working with survivors of sexual abuse. He also offers clinical supervision to psychotherapists, psychologists, counselors and other mental health professionals.

• The author of 4 books: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours, (2021) Sexology, (2023). Erotically Queer, (2023) and Relationally Queer, (2023) Silva also provides clinical training on the topics of sex and relationships, compulsive sexual behaviours, trauma and grief to his international following.

• An editorial board member of Sexual and Relationship Therapy (an international journal) and a Clinical Associate with Pink Therapy, in 2023, Silva was the recipient of the Sexual Freedom Ally Award for his contribution to the field of sexology. His many accreditations include: AccCOSRT, AccCOSRT(sup), UKCP registered, MNCPS(Acc.), Reg.MBACP, and Accred AGSRDT.

About Diana Safta, Compassionate Inquiry Facilitator and Psychotherapist

An active psychologist with a MA in Clinical Psychology, Diana blends Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, Systemic Therapy and the teachings of countless diverse courses, workshops and retreats on topics ranging from shamanic practices to mindfulness and meditation. Along with her expertise, Diana's clients receive her openness, kindness, and compassion.

After realizing that her art career, while interesting, lacked fundamental meaning, then experiencing a divorce, Diana began a personal healing journey in which she learned that her childhood traumas were still actively influencing her adult life decisions.

After 8+ years of psychotherapy, Diana discovered Compassionate Inquiry, which enabled her to release her old coping mechanisms and habits, and move to a higher level of consciousness, embodiment, and self-connection.

Today, in addition to offering therapy to clients in Romanian and English, both online and in-person (in Bucharest), Diana supports the Compassionate Inquiry Community as a Facilitator, Mentor and Circle Leader.

Promotional Message:

If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry (CI) Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues, addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, like Diana our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches.

Resources

Websites:

Diana's Professional Profile

Silva's Professional Website

Silva's Sex Positivity Website

Silva's Counselling Directory Profile

Silva's Sexology Institute Profile

Courses:

Compassionate Inquiry Training Programs

Silva's NScience Courses

Silva's PesiUK Courses

Podcasts:

The Meaningful Life (2021)

The Smart Connector (2023)

Events:

ReConnect 2025 - Bucharest

Books:

Compulsive Sexual Behaviours. A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians

Sexology: The Basics

Erotically Queer. A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners

Relationally Queer. A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners

Quotes:

"There was a time before the modern religions, as we know them today, when there was such a different relationship with sex and sexuality,..modern religions… have lots of prohibitions around sexuality.... there are so many things about sex that people believe to be true [that] are just constructs that have [their] origins in religion." - Silva Neves

"It's much easier to speak about pleasure when it's the culinary taste. But a different aspect of pleasure that [we've] been conditioned for hundreds of years not to speak about,. [This] made us exile our connection to sexuality and life force and creativity and the joys of life." - Diana Safta

Social Media:

IG: Diana, Silva

FB: Diana

X: Silva

Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not.

Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of community-led initiatives that provide vital support, education, and a path to hope for survivors. - The inseparable connection between the academic understanding of trauma and practical, compassionate healing approaches such as those offered by the Wave Trauma Center.

The conversation concludes with Paul sharing his vision of a trauma-informed society in his deeply traumatized homeland.

About Dr. Paul Gallagher

Born in Belfast, Northern Ireland, Paul grew up in an area heavily impacted by the political violence euphemistically known as 'The Troubles.' He was relatively untouched until 1994, when his home was taken over by terrorists who held Paul and his family hostage while they waited for their intended target. When their plan failed to snare that individual, they shot Paul, which left him with life changing injuries

After a protracted recovery, Paul reclaimed his life. His engagement with a local NGO, WAVE Trauma Centre sparked a lifelong journey into psychological trauma understanding and healing. Paul graduated from Queen's University in 2016 with a BSc in Psychological Trauma Studies. He achieved his MA in Conflict Transformation and Social Justice in 2017. This was followed up in 2022 when Paul was awarded his Doctorate in Sociology, focusing on the Campaign for Recognition by the WAVE Injured Group, which lobbied successfully for a special pension for those injured during the conflict.

A Trauma Education Officer for WAVE Trauma Centre, Paul blends his personal experience of trauma with his knowledge of the traumatology field. He teaches a range of courses, including the BSc at Queen's University and an MA in Trauma Studies at UCC (University College Cork). His main interests are nurturing post-traumatic growth, both in himself and sowing seeds for growth around him. He continues to advocate for those affected by the Troubles and for others around the globe through his work with WAVE Trauma.

Promotional Message: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the Compassionate Inquiry approach developed by Dr. Gabor Mate and Sat Dharam Kaur, consider joining the Professional Training Program. It's open to all healing professionals, including naturopaths, physicians, body workers, coaches and therapists. In addition to learning how to use compassion to support your clients in their most vulnerable moments with greater empathy and authenticity, you'll also deepen your own internal process. If you're interested, look for the link in the show notes.

Resources:

Websites:

Paul's Personal Blog

Professional Website

Paul's PhD Thesis

Post Traumatic Growth Module (UCC)

Articles:

Queen's University, Belfast

Belfast Telegraph

Video:

What Does it Mean to be a Frontline Worker?

Book: My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies

Social Media: X: @cutdabegs Bluesky: @cutdabegs.bsky.social Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WaveTraumaCentre/

Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

Tony shares his personal journey, from growing up gay in the 60s, to experiencing sexual trauma and seeking healing in his 50s. He views safety, kindness, and gentleness as essential for healing, as they invite us to lower our shields and 'just be.' Having worked in the psychedelic world for 2 decades, Tony stresses that profound psychedelic experiences are only valuable if they lead to a greater sense of ease and conscious awareness with which we can navigate our challenging world.

He also recounts: - The development of gentler, more supportive psychedelic assistance approaches - How ketamine can deliver an eternal quality of love, akin to AH Almaas's concept - The pure self-observation available through 5-MeO-DMT - The alignment between Hakomi and Compassionate Inquiry

Tony also mentions his photography of Iboga ceremonies in West Africa and an upcoming project with an Ibogaine treatment center. Moving forward, he plans to reduce the intensity of his medicine work, pursue photography projects (including documenting coming-of-age rituals), and train psychedelic therapists in integrating Hakomi principles.

About Tony Hoare

A founding Compassionate Inquiry® Facilitator, Practitioner and Relational Somatic Therapist, Tony has worked with individuals in the context of psychedelic-assisted therapy in Ayahuasca ceremonies since 2005. He also held supportive roles in 15 of Gabor Maté's 9-day plant medicine retreats, from 2009 to 2017, helping participants prepare for and integrate their experiences.

Having observed Gabor Maté practicing Compassionate Inquiry for hundreds of hours, Tony also works with people seeking one-on-one emotional processing and healing. He uses Compassionate Inquiry® to help his clients understand and process their emotions, discover the origins of their pain, develop forgiveness and self-acceptance.

Tony describes himself as: "In love with wild places - thrives on new experiences - forever curious about people and what makes them tick - never happier than on an adventure with a camera - connects just as easily with the janitor or the ceo - lives simply - delivers the goods."

Promotional Message: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the Compassionate Inquiry® approach developed by Doctor Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur, consider joining the Professional Training Program. It's open to all healing professionals, including naturopaths, physicians, body workers, coaches, and therapists. In addition to learning how to use compassion to support your clients in their most vulnerable moments with greater empathy and authenticity, you'll also deepen your own internal process. If you're interested, tap this link to access more information..

Resources:

Websites:

Tony's Photography Website

Tony's Compassionate Inquiry Profile

Related Links:

Georgia Marvin

What is Iboga?

What is 5-MeO-DMT?

What is Bufo?

What is a Plant Dieta?

Books: Love Unveiled: Discovering the Essence of the Awakened Heart

The Hakomi Way

Video:

What is Ibogaine?

Quotes:

"The greatest thing that I can do for you is work on me. And the greatest thing that you can do for me is work on you." - Ram Dass

"Be kind to yourself. You don't have to work at this. There's nothing to do. Be gentle." - Tony Hoare

"You would be wise in your own life to recognize the times that needed to be clothed in ritual." - John O'Donoghue

"Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, "Look here! This way!" That part of you loves you so much that it doesn't want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don't listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose." - AH Almaas

Social Media:

FB: https://www.facebook.com/tony.hoare.750

IG: https://www.instagram.com/tonyhoare7707/

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

In this gentle, heart-felt conversation, Leila guides us through the emotional landscape of infertility debunking common myths and misconceptions. She also shares her personal story, from 11 rounds of IVF to complete emotional collapse, which led her to agency, freedom, a new beginning and a baby.

Leila also addresses: - How Infertility, as a trauma in its own right can unearth feelings of shame and worthlessness - Why trauma-informed support can ease the emotional toll of infertility medical interventions cannot. - The roles that self-compassion, truth and compassion play in our healing process - Why acknowledging difficult truths and fostering self-compassion are vital for emotional well-being

Leila emphasizes that while the infertility journey is one of profound uncertainty and unraveling, if we surrender to the collapse, rather than allowing ourselves to be hijacked by the struggle, we can access freedom, agency and discover new paths forward. She shares how by learning to sit with our painful personal truths, cultivating self-compassion and community support, we can transform our experiences.

About Leila Bahri-Lucas Counselor and Therapeutic Coach

Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master's in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King's College London, Leila's approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change, the kind that shows up in the way we live, love, argue, repair, and try again.

While infertility remains central to her work, her focus has grown into the wider landscape of family building and relational transitions. She supports individuals, couples, and groups navigating infertility or its aftermath, blended families, relationship breakdowns, identity shifts, grief, and the emotional patterns that shape connection.

Leila believes we each hold a reproductive story, whether or not we become parents. Her passion is helping people stay connected to themselves and each other during life chapters that often create silence, shame, or distance.

Her own path included 11 IVF cycles, conceiving her daughter through egg donation, and becoming a mother nine months after her father died. That personal history continues to shape how she understands lineage, rupture, protection, and the courage it takes to relate with honesty.

Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again.

Promotional Message:

If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you.

Resources

Websites:

Leila's Website

Leila's CI Circle (Starts 1/14/26) No matter what we're going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila's upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.

Studies: Fewer than half of IVF cycles are successful. These scientists are trying to change that

IVF research: What are the latest advances, and what obstacles stand in the way?

Articles: What your doctor isn't telling you about IVF — but should

Common Infertility Myths & Misperceptions.

Navigating the Emotional Landscape of Infertility

What surrender really means in spirituality and how it can bring peace in modern life

Books: Conceivability

When the Body Says No

Intimate Conversations with the Divine

When Things Fall Apart

The Untethered Soul

The Surrender Experiment

Embracing Uncertainty

The Upside of Uncertainty

Podcasts:

15 Best Fertility Podcasts (2025)

Quotes:

"Infertility is uncertainty on a repeat. Infertility is uncertainty and so is life actually. It's the illusion of control that we have to let go of." - Leila Bahri-Lucas

"The path is uncharted. It comes into existence moment by moment and at the same time drops away behind us. It's like riding on a train sitting backwards. We can't see where we're headed, only where we've been." - Pema Chödrön. (When Things Fall Apart)

"Truth without compassion isn't healing and compassion without truth isn't enough. So work on that self compassion muscle in whichever way you can." - Leila Bahri-Lucas

"Infertility is trauma in its own right, but it also unearths deeper wounds from early life. It leaves no stone unturned. For one in four to six couples, the inability to conceive cracks open layers of shame, isolation, rejection (for not being chosen) and grief that track back to childhood. Infertility has a particular set of stressors. It's a raw and complex journey for oneself and relationally." - Leila Bahri-Lucas

Social Media

@realwithleila

Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J'aime Rothbard.

In this conversation, our guests forge a link between childhood trauma and the severity of menopausal symptoms. Aisling, a GP who is herself experiencing perimenopause, notes that the menopausal women who consult her often carry immense stress from being "sandwiched" between their peak career responsibilities and caring for children, grandchildren and aging parents.

Together Aisling and Rati contrast: - "Estrogen Washing" a term Aisling coined to suggest that HRT often serves as a "wash" which may offer temporary relief but is covering deeper societal issues like capitalist demands, patriarchy, and the emotional burdens placed on women. - Societal Silence: Despite a full 25% of the UK population being perimenopausal or menopausal, there's a significant lack of open discussion on this topic amongst women, and little to no discussion about it between menopausal women and the men in their lives. - Negative Cultural Views of Menopause; In the west it's often seen as an end of productivity and fertility. It's associated with shame and unattractiveness. In Native American traditions, where older women are revered as "elders" and "wisdom keepers," menopause symptoms are often less severe.

The conversation concludes with supportive future visions for women in menopause. Rati suggests women need space, quiet, rest, and reduced workloads, along with curious, loving, and respectful listening from others. Aisling envisions women's menopausal struggles as harbingers of greater cultural challenges to come. She suggests men will take on more emotional load, and society will come to value aging women as wise, empathetic leaders.

Rati Roberta Riccardi, Somatic Therapist After a 12-year career as a professional freelance translator in Italy, Rati started exploring. For the last two decades, she has been supporting people in expanding their consciousness and empowering them to find their inner healer/teacher through a variety of modalities.

A Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner, Facilitator and Mentor, and a psychedelic assisted therapy preparation and integration practitioner, Rati has explored different healing traditions, including various shamanic approaches. She is trained in Mediterranean massage, Reconnective Healing and The Reconnection, Hatha Yoga, Nada Yoga, Meditation, Breathing Techniques and Intuitive Energy Work. She has studied the consciousness expanding and healing properties of sound extensively with Alexandre Tannous and facilitates group and one-on-one sound meditations.

Rati has travelled extensively, learning, studying, and guiding groups with prolonged stays in Brazil, Peru and Mexico to explore indigenous culture and traditions.

About Dr Aisling Quiery

Aisling is a Family Doctor (GP), a Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner and a Health/Life Coach who combines her medical knowledge, her Compassionate Inquiry® training and Coaching to help people to heal through connection to their authentic selves, to the present moment, and to each other. With her support, her patients move beyond symptom management, to healing.

After training as a doctor in Scotland she worked as a GP in an economically deprived area of North Edinburgh where she also ran a community Hepatitis C clinic, a service for people who inject drugs and worked in a primary care service for people experiencing homelessness. It was through her addictions work that she first discovered the work of Gabor Maté.

Aisling attended a plant medicine retreat with Gabor and the Shipibo healers in Peru in 2019 and went on to train in Compassionate Inquiry®, a modality that changed how she sees herself, her patients and the medical model. She lives on an organic farm in County Down in the North of Ireland and works at GP practices in her local area as well as working privately with individuals and groups using Compassionate Inquiry®.

Promotional Message:

Did you know that Compassionate Inquiry® offers a free public blog library with over a thousand short posts written by our practitioners and facilitators? Each is only a 5 or 6 minute read, and topics range from connecting with authenticity to overcoming food addictions to understanding epigenetics, rethinking drug use, CI & Psychedelics, and much, much more. You can also read excerpts from podcast guests' interviews. Tap this link to access our helpful, enlightening and inspiring blog library.

Resources:

Websites:

Rati's Professional Website

Rati's Compassionate Inquiry Profile

Aisling's Professional Website

Aisling's Compassionate Inquiry Profile

Compassionate Inquiry®

Related Links

ACEs Study

Take the ACEs Quiz

Margaret Mead Books:

The Myth of Normal

The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma and Adversity

Quotes:

"Mary Jane Minkin, a researcher at Yale University, found that societies where elders and wise women are revered and celebrated show far less severe menopause symptoms than societies where they are not". - Dr Aisling Queiry

"13 million women in the UK are perimenopausal/ menopausal, that's 25% of the population…" - Dr Aisling Queiry

"I've just read that the Arabic word for menopause translates as, 'age of despair.'" - Dr Aisling Quiery

"...elephants, whales and human beings are the only three mammals that have a menopausal period for the female of that species. The only reason … is that childbirth is both dangerous, makes a female vulnerable and takes up a lot of her time. So when the reproduction is taken away from a female at a certain age, it frees her up to be a wisdom keeper and a knowledge passer." - Kevin Young

"There is no greater power in the world than the zest of a postmenopausal woman." - Margaret Mead

"...we're pushing ourselves so hard and not valuing the aging process and not valuing the wisdom that comes with being an elder, all of that. So let's be curious about that." - Dr Aisling Quiery

Social Media FB: Rati: ​​https://www.facebook.com/rriccardi Aisling: https://www.facebook.com/DrAislingQuiery IG: Aisling: https://www.instagram.com/draislingquiery/

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard

Join us for this wide ranging conversation between a Menopausal Naturopathic doctor and a Therapist who lives with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome while mothering a neurodivergent family and experiencing Menopause. Together, Rosie and Priya address the many physiological, emotional and practical implications of Menopause "tipping points" for women's health.

They highlight that: - Living an inauthentic life (always "doing" for others) can create physical symptoms, likewise addiction patterns may emerge or intensify if unmet needs are not addressed through self-care - While working, parenting, caring for aging parents, etc., can make women resist slowing down and prioritizing self-care, this resistance can also come from their "multitasking queen" identities - The decline in estrogen's cardiovascular protection increases women's risk of heart issues - In traditional Chinese medicine, Hot Flashes are both "rising yang fire," (the body's wisdom for detoxing through sweat) and represent untapped potential. So balancing yin is key.

Priya concluded by stressing that the human mind, body, and thoughts are interconnected (like musicians in an orchestra). Each woman's menopause journey is unique, so compassionate, individualized care is essential, as is exercise, good nutrition and sleep, sun exposure, and fresh air. "Menopause is a second girlhood—a time to rediscover your own authentic self. So be kind to yourself, don't compare yourself to others, and listen to your body rather than resisting change."

About Rosio Fuentes, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner & Excited Curiosity Coach

I'm Rosie. Curiosity moves me. It always has. I am both sentimental and direct, soft and clear. I care deeply, and that's where everything begins for me.

I'm a Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner, Private Mentor, and Excited Curiosity Coach. I'm also first generation, the daughter of migrant parents, and that shaped the way I see everything! Two worlds, two languages, two ways of belonging. When I sit with clients, I'm not there to fix them. I'm there to normalize the things we're often told to hide like addictions, suicidal thoughts, sex, shame, guilt, grief, all of it. I'm there to make what's real safe for them to name and to reflect back the essence of self, that part of them that is untouched and whole.

I live in a neurodivergent household with my husband and our three girls, whom we are guardians for. Life here is hard, extremely hard and lively, honest, constant healing, wonder, and continuous awe. I also live with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and constant physical pain, along with thyroid and gastric issues, allergies, sensitivities, and autoimmune patterns that sometimes show up as Lyme or lupus. The pain is never not with me, yet gratitude, awe, and love are always there too. I love mother earth, the universe and all living beings. Knowing we are connected keeps me whole and allows me to be with what's present in myself and others.

About Priya Duggal, ND

Priya is both a firm believer in Mind-Body Medicine and a registered Naturopathic Doctor. She focuses on women's health, breast cancer, autoimmune conditions, addictions, and mental health. She is also a Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner, Facilitator, Educator, Mentor and Circle Leader. In her work with clients, in addition to incorporating the Compassionate Inquiry (CI) approach, she draws on the teachings of Stephen Porges, Gordon Neufeld, and Bessel van Der Kolk. Priya is passionate about helping others live authentic lives as she continues pursuing her own connection with her true self.

Born and raised in India, Priya first trained as a medical doctor, but her search for deeper answers led her to naturopathic medicine, mind-body medicine and CI. After earning her ND, she took the Healthy Breast Program with Sat Dharam Kaur, ND, and continued her quest for personal and professional growth by training in Kundalini Yoga, Beyond Addiction and CI.

Priya is the Vice President of MammAlive foundation, a non-profit organization run by volunteers who are passionate about women's health and breast health education.

She spends her time between both Canada and India, and enjoys travelling the world, exploring different cultures, painting, nature walks, spending quality time with her husband, two adult children and adorable pet-Kaju.

True healing is in you, as Hippocartes said -" Natural forces from within us are the true healers of disease". What we feel and what we believe has a profound effect on our health.

Promotional Message: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the transformative power of Compassionate Inquiry®, join us for a 6-hour online experiential introduction to the Compassionate Inquiry approach and community. This link takes you to a web page where you can get information and, if you choose, register for the next CI Experience event coming up on November 8.

Resources:

Websites:

Roisio Fuentes

Dr Priya Duggal

Priya's Compassionate Inquiry Profile

Related Links:

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome & Menopause

hEDS Symptoms and Menopause

Articles: ADHD and Sex Hormones in Females: A Systematic Review

EMAS Position Statement: Thyroid Disease and Menopause

Books:

Hormone Repair Manual, Lara Briden

The Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Women's Health, Sat Dharam Kaur, ND

MenuPause, Dr Anna Cabeca

Keto Green 16, Dr Anna Cabeca

The Hormone Fix, Dr Anna Cabeca

When the Body Says No

The Myth of Normal

The Body Keeps the Score

Research & Studies:

Menopause is associated with postprandial metabolism, metabolic health and lifestyle: The ZOE Predict study (Abstract)

Perimenopause as a neurological transition state.

Sex hormones, aging and cardiometabolic syndrome.

Silymarin is an ally against insulin resistance: A review.

Effect of magnesium supplementation on insulin resistance in humans: A systematic review.

Social Media:

Rosie: FB: https://www.facebook.com/ExcitedCuriosity/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/excited.curiosity/

Priya: FB: https://www.facebook.com/priya.duggal.355 IG: mammaliveindia

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard

This conversation moves from the medicalization of menopause to reclaiming it as a natural process; an important, transformative life stage marked by growth, development, and renewal, not an illness or pathology. Kate and Inés advocate for shifting from symptom management to trusting the body's innate capacity and involving the entire community in understanding this transition.

Inés and Kate highlight:: - Brain Pruning which "chops away" old ways of thinking and being, making way for authenticity, new identity, and a renegotiation of roles - How psychedelic therapies can support post-pruning regeneration by fostering neuroplasticity - The invitation to "redo" by challenging universal beliefs, interrupting obsolete patterns, releasing societal expectations, and embracing one's authentic, "limited," and "inconvenient" self. - The natural grief associated with the loss of the predictable menstrual cycle - How hormonal shifts influence mood and energy, which often require rest and repair.

Kate and Inés both emphasize the importance of women educating themselves about their bodies' cycles, informing their communities, and approaching menopause with wisdom, self-attunement, honesty, kindness, and patience.

About Dr. Kate Hazlitt, ND A naturopathic doctor, speaker, and Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner specializing in women's health and midlife transitions, Kate helps women move through burnout, hormonal shifts, and stress with clarity, compassion, and nervous system awareness—guiding them back to safety in their bodies and authenticity in their lives.

Her clinical practice integrates Eastern and Western philosophies of the nature and cause of disease and focuses on the interweavings of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. Kate's primary therapeutic tools are Asian medicine and acupuncture, clinical nutrition with diet and supplementation, botanical, homeopathic and auricular medicine, counseling, detoxification and drainage.

About Inés Zabalaga, MEd, MA in Systemic Therapy, Clinical Psychologist, Psychedelic Assisted Therapies Facilitator.

With over 25 years of clinical experience in family, individual, couples and group therapy, Inés is a Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner, a Family Constellations Facilitator, Director of Spontaneous Theatre, Bach and Uruguayan Flowers Practitioner, trained in psychodrama. She also leads Horse-Assisted Constellation workshops to create collective fields of human and equine energies that support her clients' wholeness.

After completing a psychedelic integration training with Iceers, Inés is training in the 3-year Grof Legacy Program for therapists oriented towards psychedelic work. Along with her partner, Inés co-leads psychedelic assisted sessions and co-facilitates retreats.

Promotional Message: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the transformative power of Compassionate Inquiry®, join us for a 6-hour online experiential introduction to the Compassionate Inquiry approach and community. This link takes you to a web page where you can get information and, if you choose, register for the next CI Experience event coming up on on November 8.

Resources:

Websites:

Kate's Professional Website

Inés' Compassionate inquiry Profile

Related Links

Claiming Your Power in Perimenopause Podcast

Pruning, Myelination, and the Remodeling Adolescent Brain - Dr Dan Siegal

Dr. Lisa Mosconi

Family Constellations

Good Guilt

Dying To Live Workshop on Friday 31st October 2025

Books:

Menopocalypse

Roar Like a Woman – Emma Thompson

Wise Power: Discover the Liberating Power of Menopause to Awaken Authority, Purpose and Belonging

The Relaxed Woman

Rest is Sacred

Quotes: "I went through my own process, I'm in my mid-40s, so I can often literally feel my brain pruning, as it's chopping away old, like, long outdated ways of thinking and being in my life." - Kate Hazlitt, ND

"...can we just be this very limited, very ordinary, delicious creature that has stopped trying to be more than enough?" - Inés Zabalaga

"...there is this cultural obsession with the evidence based menopause, and we're leaving out lived experience of women who are elders who have wisdom to share with us. If we leave them out of the conversation, we're missing a real opportunity of learning and growth and self understanding." - Kate Hazlitt, ND

"We lose so much time because of the archetype of that ideal lady that is non existent. We are not ideal mothers. We are not ideal partners. We might even be...not so convenient. The archetypal information is playing a big role in preventing us from connecting with love in life." - Inés Zabalaga

Social Media:

IG: @drkatehazlittnd. (IG)

IG: CasaMagica Ineszabalaga

FB: CasaMagica Ineszabalaga