Regular Features

This episode is dedicated to the legendary broadcaster Michael "Champ" Parkinson, whom we love.

Joe processes his grief with a feature about Lord Fauntleroy, Steve deals with his emotions by securing some much needed funding from a cruise company. Gav projects his feelings of anger on to a smoking neighbour.

This episode is sponsored by Cunard Cruises.

Hey, you know how a demure Helen O'Connell asks Dean Martin how he likes his eggs in the morning (in the hit song "How D'ya Like Your Eggs In The Morning"), and how it should be pretty obvious to everybody that she's coyly inviting him to stay the night?

But then a horny and oblivious Dean Martin keeps replying with "I LIKE MINE WITH A KISS" and "REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT EGGS, JUST GOTTA GET MY FREAKIN KISSES" and later, "I WILL TRANSFORM INTO AN ANGRY MONSTER IF IT'S JUST EGGS AND WE DON'T ACTUALLY SHAG BTW".

And then people in the 1950s were like, damn that guy's cool. Let's nickname him "The King of Cool" for that. Let's put him in a Rat Pack for that. It's just something to think about!

In this episode, Steve shares his favourite scene from hot kitchen drama The Bear, Joe remasters a beloved racket-and-ball sports series, and Log attempts to get his texts read out on 6 Music. Gav is there, making sure we all behave.

Thanks!

bushel [ˈbʊʃ(ə)l]

NOUN, BRITISH

A measure of capacity equal to 8 gallons (equivalent to 36.4 litres), used for corn, fruit, liquids, etc. Definitely NOT just a small bush.

de Groot [də кнrōt′]

NAME, DUTCH

The sexiest group of adventurers, inventors, sportspeople and all-round hotpot yummydaddies in all of western Europe and possibly THE GLOBE. Get a load of de Groots in your peepers and you'll be on the floor kicking a leg like a tickled pooch.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was letting Joe smell the well again, putting a picture of a transparent mouse in front of Steve, and giving Log unprecendented access to the private communiqués of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. Oo that Devil, he's got a nerve on him, I'd like to truss him up and say, "try doing that again, Satan, when you're all covered in ropes and my personal slime! Go on! Try it, love!!!"

In this episode of Regular Features, Log's been playing the hip new rocket propelled grenade Final Fantasy 16. Steve's been caught dumping aspartame into all your favourite sugar free drinks. And Joe's found a prudish new sponsor who'll take us from curse... to worse!

If you can't handle me at my hurdy, you don't deserve me at my gurdy.

In this one, Steve heads underwater to discover treasures untold. Joe comes head to head with a devil baby. Log submits his video will.

Who wants to hear a podcast about a gym botherer and a towel muncher? And also with a dash of tooth lover??

Left with a Succession-shaped void where his guts and arse used to be, Joe takes the hit HBO series to the West End where it always belonged.

And Log puts the "fancier" into "yeah your pigeon's pretty fancy I guess, but mine is fancier. Hey wait, is that man riding a Shire horse over there? Come back, I have a comparison to make with you! Giddy up Sugarlump, my introverted pony. He's getting away!"

Steve is here too, though you wouldn't guess it from the complete lack of features on the lad.

Have aviary nice day.

This week's episode comes directly from Joe's Stag Do. A stag do is where boys go to do podcasts, and we highly recommend it, especially to you, MISSUS. Gav quizzes Joe on the likes, dislikes, and historic whereabouts of his fiancée. Steve writes a poem to rival that one about your parents being bad for your bonce. Log commits horrors with language alone.

Think of a breakfast meat. Now think of a member of the royal family. You were thinking of Black Pudding Camilla weren't you? No? Oh right, then you must have been thinking about the big man himself, ol' Charlie boy and his beautiful sausage fingers, each one inflated to 240PSI and fit to burst at the knuckles.

Log has done a feature all about what it must be like to be those fingers. Steve's been humming a little song about beans all day. Joe attends, clutching his pearls and screeching uncontrollably.