On this week's episode Joe, Log and Gav crack some of their famous 'wise' about malt loaf, heaven and bees.

There's also some exciting news about The Regular Features Episode 500 Live Show!

Have you ever wanted to know how Regular Features' greatest stories came to be? Have you ever wondered how Grapesalicious gained her penchant for a piece of pink peppercorn? Or how Buck Pawchucker became mayor? What about how Gav surivived?

Well, we answer NONE of these questions in this otherwise origin story-packed ordeal from Steve, Log, and Joe. Strap them lugholes into a helment - you're about to go back in time using only your freakin' ears.

Log, Matt and Gav get together to talk horoscopes or should we HORRORscopes??....no, actually horoscopes was correct. Sorry about that.

There's also some stuff about a dog and I think Nish Kumar but I can't be sure.

Gavin and Joe infiltrated a world of alakazams by putting on cloaks and big hats and saying that they knew what a spell was, and now they present to you, the Regular Features reader, a special report on the Blackpool Magic Convention 2022.

If, while you read this episode, your whole body falls off, don't be afraid - it's just magic.

Kazoo Orchestra does Danse Macabre by Imaginary Kazoo Orchestra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj9yMUWjtyA

Ohhhh big stretch. Regular Features is all snoozy and cosy in bed! It is so warm and nice under the Regular Features duvet, we could just stay here forever. Do you want to climb in with us? There's a space here just for you! Don't worry about that thing you've got to do, just wiggle your way in between us and have a big yawn and a nice rest. That's right. We'll blow you sweet little kisses while you drift off. There we are.

In this episode, Steve's got all sleepy. Joe can levitate now. And Log conjures James Van Der Beek. Shhhh. Shhhh.

WAHP! WAHP! This is an emergency broadcast from the Regular Feautures emergency storm bunker. Hello. How are you? Oh that's nice. We're fine thanks, but unfortunately... it is a major emergency!!

Storm Eunice has really churned our butter this week, if you'll pardon the phrase, forcing us to seek shelter in our specialised, reinforced podcasting hutch three hundred feet below sea level. In the panic to get inside, three of the boys tragically got left behind and/or tragically kicked in the shins so me and Log could get a head start, meaning it's just the two of us down here. We will not apologise.

From our subterranean lair, Log brings you feaures of dreams and USB cables, while Steve brings you features of USB cables and cowboys. Be safe out there xxx

Please accept this episode as a token of our friendship. If you collect ten tokens you unlock platinum level friendship which is the same as normal friendship except you are allowed to blow raspberries on our bellies while we giggle and cheep like baby birds. WHAT?!

In this episode, Joe considers the romance of a milky twilight, Steve samples Bognor's emergent culinary scene, and Log blows open the gnarly depravity of 1970s telephone perversion as it pertains to kissing of the fannoy and bulbus.

We'd best get on with it.

There's a legend around these parts, a legend about a kid who filled his belly button with bird seed and waited in the garden. "Any minute now", he thought, "a robin will land on my tummy and eat the seed out of my belly button!"

But the Robin never came, because the boy kept rolling around and shouting and farting. His mother came out and said "you'll never catch a robin if you roll around, shouting and farting!" And the boy said "well I don't want a Robin then, Robins can suck it". And you know what? That little boy grew up to be the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991.

Enjoy this episode of Regular Features, where a little crab with a secret teaches Sophie Ellis-Bextor the meaning of death, a goose gets looser than she's used to, and the full geometrical range of the Dr Oetker factory gets explored in thrilling detail!

Musical credits:

Onion Capers Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

This week we've got all the basic elements you need to make a regular features:

Uber.

Baby.

Vibraphone.

Capeesh?

Hello it's me, the grape stomping lady who fell out of a bucket of grapes in a viral video from 2007.

In this episode of Regular Features, Winnie the Pooh falls into Log's public domain, and a falling log wins Joe's public acclaim (which is to say he saw a poop in a TV show and wondered what if all TV shows got a poop in their finale). I hope you enjoy the episode, Steve is in it too and he does a fart!!

Love,

Grape Stomping Lady from 2007