Regular Features

Welcome to the far future, where Blobbies buy you on eBay. Frightened yet? Well listen to Regular Features and feel a lot nicer about yourself.

Prince Harry's tadger keeps transporting him into realms of reveries, and we simply can't get enough.

This week we go back to bible times and learn about syrups and Log has a new enemy.

Please retweet this so that we can go to the Kebab Awards again please:

https://twitter.com/RegularFeatures/status/1552632683787952130

This week we bring back a forgotten tradition of the podcast - The Holiday Ramble.

Get outa here!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... writes the crime scene investigator in his crime solving notepad, as he shakes his head and cries into an evidence bag in the charred ruins of a house. It was a crime scene investigation this entire time, that's the twist. Please be fire safe this Christmas! Turn off your Christmas lights and don't play with candles.

Okay! Let's have some Regular Features. In this one, Log has some advertisements for other podcasts on the Regular Features network. Steve writes a jilted Log/Joe gem-hunt fanfic. Joe recalls his favourite Christmas song.

GO.

There's never been a better time to invest in worms. Worms are under you right now, working around the clock to make the rotten wet soil nice for daisies. Worms are versatile! They act like novelty Banana Boats for holidaymaking earwigs - AND they make chic scarves for robins in winter. And when the weather warms up? Don't put your worm scarf in the wardrobe! Rip it off, peck it to shreds, and eat a bit of it before getting startled by a cat.

Worms are at the intersection of fungus and tree. Their thought processes are so alien to us that we can only look on in bewilderment when we see a ball of 3,200 pregnant worms rolling down a hill. Take it from me, if a ball of 3,200 pregnant worms stops rolling down a hill, you hear a record scratch, and a worm narrator says "I guess you're wondering how I got into this situation", you POLITELY WALK AWAY.

Please enjoy this very special episode of Regular Features, in which Log and Joe both done features about worms, because nobody else turned up to stop them

In this episode, Steve burns his candle at both ends. And Log invites you to embody him completely and understand once and for all the arduous process of producing a regular feature.

Joe is here, to bear witness to this foul act.

Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door, but where's the people? Church attendance has been in decline for decades. Among people aged between 18 and 24, the incidence of religious affiliation is only 30.7%. If it were to drop below 30%, a special alarm will go off inside the Pope's hat, and he'll take off his hat and there'll be a special golden telephone under there, ringing. He'll pick it up.

"Hello, Pope speaking."

He'll hold his hand over the receiver and mouth the words "it's god" to a cloister of bishops while waving his hand in a shoo-ing motion. The rest is between him and the big guy. That bit's above our paygrade.

In this one, Steve accidentally rents a cape. And Joe takes us to Beak Street, a commercial hub for high-flying bird fashion. Well, what are you waiting for? Listen it up.

"The Forest and the Trees" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

The crime? A mordor. The suspect?! YOU.

And you thought you'd get away with it you little freak. Well say hello to a little thing we like to call JUSTICE.