446 - Relationship Insecurities

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC, NCC

Executive Director, AllCEUs

*Based in part on Love Me Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen, PsyD.

Objectives

• Identify signs of relationship insecurities

• Explore causes of relationship insecurities

• Identify at least 5 interventions to address relationship insecurities

Signs of Relationship Insecurities

• Difficulty trusting your partner

• Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes or random people in the community

• Requiring frequent reassurance that you are enough

• Anxiety when separated

• Internalizing negative thoughts creating self-fulfilling prophesies

• A feeling of distance or detachment

• Reading negative into everything your partner says

Relationship Bricks

• Often past relationships cause us to build a wall around our heart

• Have clients write the name of people from prior relationships on bricks and put them in a backpack

• Have them put on the backpack and go on a nature walk for 15 minutes.

• When you get back, ask about all of the things they noticed on the walk and how carrying that heavy backpack kept them from being mindful

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Prior learning (Unpack those bags---1 bag/person/session)

• Create paper “bags” for each past relationship brick

• Write a pros and cons list of that relationship

• Write a goodbye letter to that person/relationship detailing what happened, how you felt and how it impacted you

• In sharing what is in the bag, take back your power.

• Instead of saying “You made me feel” say “I felt”

• Instead of a narrative of abandonment and betrayal because of personal inadequacies, explore other reasons the other person to left the relationship

• Explore forgiveness in terms of choosing not to allow that person to continue to hurt you

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Prior learning (Unpack those bags---1 bag/person/session)

• When you are ready to let go of that anger and hurt, take the brick out of the backpack.

• Each week notice how much lighter the backpack feels and how much less energy it takes to tote around

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Trying to master a prior failed relationship

• Make a Venn diagram

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Low self-esteem (Self-validation)

• Collage

• Best friend activity

• Values activity

• Sell yourself

• People may have difficulty developing self-esteem based on a pathological inner critic

• Thought stopping

• Handling hecklers

• Validate in the present / check for accuracy

• Embrace imperfection and synergy

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Poor communication

• Stop assuming you know and expecting mind reading

• Mindfulness

• Lack of Connection

• Intentional activity—Make a list of all of the things you like to do. Intentionally spend time with each other each day.

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Imbalance in power (She does everything… If he leaves, I will not be able to survive.)

• Address anxieties about dependency or helplessness

• Develop support systems and strategies and disaster plans

Causes of Relationship Insecurities

• Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned

• Jumping to conclusions/Personalization

• Relationship Assumptions “Family Feud”--- We surveyed a bun