Domestic Abuse Awareness – Why a Year of Skills Training Matters

In Episode 346 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore trauma-informed practice, focusing specifically on triangulation and trauma — how this hidden dynamic shows up in therapy and why recognising it is vital for working safely and effectively with clients.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Mel Ciavucco, a counsellor, trainer, and specialist in domestic abuse, about her new CPD lecture, Domestic Abuse Awareness. They discuss working with both survivors and perpetrators, how coercive control operates, and the importance of understanding abuse through an intersectional lens.

And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken explore why formal counselling training includes a full year focused entirely on counselling skills. They explain how these foundational skills form the bedrock of all therapeutic work and how they support students in becoming confident, competent practitioners.

Triangulation and Trauma [starts at 03:49 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken explore triangulation and trauma, highlighting how this relational dynamic is often rooted in childhood experiences.

Key points discussed include:

Triangulation involves bringing a third party into a relationship to manage tension or avoid conflict.

It can result in anxiety, hidden trauma, and ongoing relational difficulties if not recognised and addressed.

Clients may unconsciously replay triangulation dynamics in therapy, such as trying to get the therapist to “side” with them.

Working through triangulation requires consistency, boundaries, and an understanding of attachment repair.

Therapists should avoid prematurely disrupting these dynamics without fully understanding their protective role.

Domestic Abuse Awareness [starts at 32:58 mins]

In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Mel Ciavucco, who draws from years of experience working with domestic abuse survivors and perpetrators.

Key points from this conversation include:

Mel’s CPD lecture explores coercive control, stalking, spiritual abuse, and honor-based violence.

Neurodivergence (like ADHD or autism) can sometimes contribute to harmful behaviours, though not excuse them.

Perpetrator work is focused on supporting survivors by addressing the root causes of abuse.

Therapists often fear working with perpetrators - but change is possible with the right approach and supervision.

The Jane Monckton Smith homicide timeline is introduced as a powerful tool for risk assessment and understanding escalation.

An intersectional approach is vital - Mel speaks about LGBTQ+ clients, gender-based violence, and inclusive practice.

Why a Year of Skills Training Matters [starts at 1:04:38 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken explain the rationale behind dedicating an entire year of counselling training to developing core counselling skills.

Key points include:

Skills like active listening, reflection, and silence are often life-changing for students - not just for therapy, but in everyday relationships.

Practicing these skills in triads helps students build confidence and competence before entering clinical work.

These are advanced communication tools that improve personal and professional interactions across the board.

Active listening helps us respond with understanding rather than advice or opinion.

Silence, used well, can open space for deeper expression and processing.

These foundational skills support the therapeutic relationship - where most healing takes place.

Links and Resources

Mel Ciavucco

Counselling Skills Academy

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision

Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide

Counsellor CPD

Counselling Study Resource

Perimenopause and Therapist Identity - Counselling Skills: A Deeper Look at Reflection

In Episode 345 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we examine working with rehearsed material with Sarah Henry. How to identify it, what it means for the therapeutic relationship, and ethical ways to respond.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Laura Davies, who shares her personal experience of navigating perimenopause while working as a therapist, offering insights into how it affected her practice and ways she adapted.

And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken do a deep dive into the counselling skill of reflection. How it works, when to use it, and the important role it plays in helping clients connect with their emotions.

Working with Rehearsed Material [starts at 03:28 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken discuss how some clients bring emotionally detached, well-practised narratives into therapy.

Key points discussed include:

Working with rehearsed material often shows up with high fluency but low emotional expression.

It can serve as a protective mechanism, a service-shaped narrative, or a way to test the therapist’s response.

Ethical practice involves patience, not forcing emotion, and recognising this material as a valid part of the client’s process.

Micro-interventions such as body-based check-ins, sensory prompts, and careful use of immediacy can gently encourage emotional connection.

Sarah Henry offers a practice-based view of how clients use rehearsed stories early in therapy to build trust and test emotional safety.

Perimenopause and Therapist Identity [starts at 41:15 mins]

In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with counsellor Laura Davis about her personal experience of perimenopause and how it impacted her therapeutic presence.

Key points from the conversation include:

Laura describes experiencing brain fog mid-session and questioning her capacity as a therapist.

She talks about adapting her practice - tracking symptoms, working more relationally, and using creative methods.

The emotional impact of shifting identity during menopause, including fears about professional competence.

Ethical considerations around disclosure to clients and maintaining trust in the therapeutic relationship.

The importance of workplace support, supervision, and societal openness around menopause.

Counselling Skills: A Deeper Look at Reflection [starts at 01:08:23 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken take a deep dive into the skill of reflection, one of the core counselling skills used to help clients access and understand their emotions.

Key points include:

Reflection bridges the story (narrative) with the emotion underneath.

Types of reflection: content, emotional, and meaning-based.

Reflection helps counsellors check attunement and gives clients space to name and explore feelings.

It should be avoided in situations involving risk assessment, contracting, or when responding to clear client questions.

Students are encouraged to develop this skill through journaling, feedback, and supervision.

Links and Resources

Counselling Skills Academy

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision

Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide

Counsellor CPD

Counselling Study Resource

Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide

Counselling Tutor Training and CPD

Facebook group

Website

Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide

Online and Telephone Counselling Course

Introducing Therapy for Addiction - Learning Never Stops – Planning Your CPD

In Episode 344 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at the ethical use of AI in therapy, highlighting potential risks and ethical responsibilities.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Caroline Evers Endicott about her lecture Introducing Therapy for Addiction - a vital area of practice that’s often underrepresented in core training.

And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss how learning never stops in counselling - and why planning your CPD is essential as you qualify and build your therapeutic career.

Ethical Use of AI in Therapy [starts at 03:34 mins]

Ken Kelly, joined by his digital twin “DigiKen,” opens the episode by exploring the ethical use of AI in therapy—how it's quietly being integrated into practice, and the serious questions it raises.

Key points of this section include:

AI tools such as scheduling apps, transcription software, or marketing generators are already present in most practices.

Many of these tools are hosted on international servers and may not comply with UK GDPR or ethical standards.

Therapists must assess whether any digital tool:

Complies with UK data laws.

Has adequate encryption and security.

Aligns with professional ethics.

Stores client data securely.

While AI should never replace the therapeutic relationship, it can support therapists with non-clinical tasks like admin, marketing, or web design.

Introducing Therapy for Addiction [starts at 23:23 mins]

In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with Caroline Evers Endicott about working with addiction and her CPD lecture Introducing Therapy for Addiction.

Key points from the discussion:

Addiction is a stigmatised mental health condition and is often overlooked in standard counselling training.

Many clients present with anxiety, trauma, or depression before disclosing addiction later in therapy.

Therapists are encouraged not to immediately refer clients on but to recognise the skills they already possess.

Therapist tools Caroline highlights include:

Person-centred skills: empathy, non-judgement, trust building.

Modalities such as CBT, DBT, Motivational Interviewing, and Mindfulness.

Understanding clients’ use of substances as a way to self-regulate or self-medicate unresolved trauma or neurodivergence.

Caroline also explores:

The value of self-reflection for therapists working with addiction.

Recovery pathways including 12-step, SMART Recovery, and CBT-informed models.

The importance of understanding your clients holistically and not reducing them to “just an addict”.

Learning Never Stops – Planning Your CPD [starts at 51:24 mins]

In this final Student Services of the season, Rory and Ken discuss how to make the most of your academic break by planning your continued professional development (CPD).

Key points include:

Graduates often face barriers in employment without additional training (e.g. trauma-informed work or online therapy).

CPD should balance:

Ethics – e.g. being trauma-informed helps you work safely with complex presentations.

Sustainability – e.g. online therapy training increases employability and client access.

Choose CPD based on:

Clear learning outcomes.

Practical application of skills.

Client needs you’re most likely to encounter.

Ken and Rory encourage newly qualified therapists to:

Reflect on gaps in their training.

Focus on real-world skills they can use in the therapy room.

Avoid overloading themselves - CPD should feel purposeful and empowering.

Links and Resources

Critical Thinking Matrix for AI in Therapy

Counselling Skills Academy

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision

Race and Everyday Friction – Ending Well in Counselling Training

In Episode 343 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore the importance of having an online and telephone informed supervisor when you work in this way.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Sarah Henry about her concept of race and everyday friction - how these subtle, often hidden experiences shape identity and create barriers in life and therapy.

And finally in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss the significance of ending well in counselling training - how to navigate goodbyes with your peers and why these endings matter in your development.

Why Have an Online and Telephone Informed Supervisor? [starts at 03:12 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken unpack the ethical importance of having an online and telephone informed supervisor when you practice in these ways.

Key points discussed include:

Supervision is an ethical requirement to ensure your practice is safe, effective, and supportive of clients.

When working online or by phone, you need a supervisor who understands the specific challenges of these settings—like missing visual cues, managing silences, and the different technical considerations.

Formal training in online and telephone working is essential, as supervisors who lack this training might not be able to guide or support you fully.

Ethical frameworks (like the BACP’s) and supervision competencies in the UK highlight the need for supervisors to hold formal training in any special areas of practice.

Supervisors with this training will understand nuances like the disinhibition effect (when clients behave differently online) and data protection considerations.

Race and Everyday Friction [starts at 18:53 mins]

In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Sarah Henry, a counsellor and trainer who explores the concept of everyday friction. Those small, often overlooked experiences of race that shape a person’s daily life.

Key points from this conversation include:

Everyday friction can be things like plasters (band-aids) that don’t match darker skin tones, or seeing few Black people on greeting cards - small examples of how whiteness is often the default in society.

These small frictions are constantly present and shape identity in powerful ways.

White people may not recognise these frictions because they are not impacted by them directly.

Conversations about race often start by talking about these everyday frictions - it’s how we build bridges and develop understanding.

Recognising and exploring these micro-moments of exclusion can help therapists be more attuned to the lived experiences of their clients.

Ending Well in Counselling Training [starts at 40:41 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken share insights on ending well in your counselling course—whether you’re finishing a term, a module, or the whole course.

Key points include:

Good endings help to close the chapter, mark growth, and ensure no regrets are left behind.

Reflect on what you’ve shared and learned with your peers - acknowledge the support, challenges, and personal development.

If there have been tensions with others, consider repairing or at least acknowledging them to avoid unfinished business.

Remember that even if you see some peers in future courses, each group dynamic is unique. It’s important to close this chapter properly.

Taking time to end well helps you carry the experience forward as a positive part of your development.

Links and Resources

Counselling Skills Academy

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision

Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide

Counsellor CPD

Counselling Study Resource

Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide

Counselling Tutor Training and CPD

Shame in Supervision – Creative Learning During an Academic Break

In Episode 342 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the art of apologising as a counsellor - why it matters, how to do it effectively, and how to avoid making it about yourself.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Dr. Ruth Birkbeck about a powerful and often unspoken topic: shame in supervision. We explore what it looks like, how it can impact both supervision and client work, and what can be done to repair it.

And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken look at how you can make the most of your academic break with creative learning - offering tips for staying engaged without overwhelming yourself or contaminating your core training.

The Art of Apologising as a Counsellor [starts at 03:10 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken explore what makes a meaningful apology in the therapeutic relationship.

Key points include:

Apologising isn’t part of most training, yet it’s crucial when a rupture occurs in therapy.

A well-placed apology can strengthen the therapeutic relationship and model healthy repair.

An apology should focus on the client’s experience, not your own discomfort.

Avoid justifying your behaviour or offloading guilt onto the client.

Principles of a meaningful apology:

Clarify your intention – Why are you apologising?

Acknowledge the impact – Understand how your action affected the client.

Resist the urge to justify – Don’t make excuses or shift the focus.

Take ownership – Use “I” statements to show accountability.

Invite the client’s response – Open the door to dialogue.

Don’t expect forgiveness – That’s the client’s choice, not your right.

Repair the rupture – Explore what can be done to rebuild trust.

Tolerate discomfort – Apologising can feel hard, but it’s part of ethical practice.

Shame in Supervision [starts at 29:12 mins]

In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with Dr. Ruth Birkbeck about the impact of shame in supervision.

The key points of this discussion include:

Shame in supervision can silence supervisees and damage the working alliance.

Common causes include:

Judging or criticising supervisees’ clinical decisions.

Idealising supervisees and ignoring their vulnerabilities.

Expecting them to know everything, especially in second trainings.

Shame often results in withdrawal, silence, and loss of trust.

Supervisees may internalise shame and stop bringing important issues to supervision.

How to avoid shaming supervisees:

Be aware of your own power and possible transference.

Stay curious rather than critical.

Show your own vulnerability, e.g. by talking about past mistakes.

Openly name and repair ruptures if you suspect shame has occurred.

Create an attuned, safe supervisory relationship that allows for growth.

Shame often arises not from what was said, but from how it was experienced.

Creative Learning During an Academic Break [starts at 53:10 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken offer advice on how to use your academic break effectively without overwhelming yourself or stepping outside your core training model.

Tips for creative learning:

Avoid cross-modality contamination – If you’re training in one modality, don’t dive deep into others during a break.

Focus on areas that are universal and always useful:

Counselling skills

Personal development

Professional ethics

Use your break to:

Review past material to reinforce what you’ve already learned.

Read ahead if you know the next module topic.

Connect with peers through study groups or online communities.

Watch live skills demos to see techniques in action.

Other ideas:

Explore special interest CPD (e.g. grief, young people,

Working with Parents of Children with Disabilities – What to Do if You Don’t Get Onto the Next Course

In Episode 341 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts, Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly, take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the concept of everyday trauma.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Ellie Finch and Dr. Jo Griffin about their CPD lecture, which focuses on working with parents of children with disabilities, complex medical conditions, and special educational needs.

And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss what to do if you don’t get accepted onto the next stage of your counselling training, offering support and strategies for staying motivated.

Everyday Trauma [starts at 03:33 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken discuss how trauma isn’t always caused by major events, it can also be the result of ongoing low-level stressors. These “small-t” traumas are often overlooked but can be just as impactful.

Key points include:

Everyday trauma includes repeated, subtle experiences that chip away at confidence and resilience over time.

Common sources of everyday trauma:

Education-based trauma – e.g. being misunderstood, shamed or unsupported at school.

Workplace trauma – e.g. toxic environments, bullying, redundancy, or job insecurity.

Medical trauma – mistrust or fear due to past negative healthcare experiences.

Poverty and discrimination – food insecurity, racism, homophobia, ableism, or unsafe housing.

Clients may minimise their experiences and not see them as “trauma”.

These experiences may cause:

Low self-esteem

Anxiety

Hypervigilance

Burnout

Internalised oppression

Rory and Ken highlight the importance of:

Being trauma-informed in your practice.

Responding with empathy and curiosity, not correction.

Holding a non-pathologising space where clients feel seen, heard, and accepted.

Looking out for body-based trauma responses, such as shaking, shallow breathing, or restlessness.

Working with Parents of Children with Disabilities [starts at 26:57 mins]

In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory is joined by Ellie Finch and Dr. Jo Griffin to discuss their new CPD lecture. They focus on how therapists can support parents who care for children with disabilities, complex medical conditions, or special educational needs (SEND).

Key points from this discussion include:

Parent-carers experience cumulative trauma from daily battles with healthcare, education, and support systems.

This trauma can present as:

Anger or withdrawal

Burnout and overwhelm

Grief over the imagined future for their child

Therapeutic considerations:

Be flexible with appointments.

Understand the systems (SEND, healthcare, social care) that they’re navigating.

Be aware of the emotional toll of constant advocacy.

Importance of recognising ‘inch-stones’ - small milestones that are deeply meaningful to parent-carers.

Avoid ‘toxic positivity’, it’s important to hold space for both joy and grief simultaneously.

What to Do if You Don’t Get Onto the Next Course [starts at 54:58 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken talk through the common but difficult experience of not being accepted onto the next stage of your counselling course.

Key points include:

Course places are often capped due to awarding body restrictions - sometimes, it’s simply a numbers game.

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough - there can be many reasons, including tutor availability or institutional changes.

What you can do:

Ask for feedback from your tutor or application panel.

Reflect on any personal or academic development opportunities.

Apply to other institutions with similar training standards.

Stay focused on your ‘why’ - what made you want to be a counsellor?

Remember:

Many practising therapists were once rejected from a course.

Supporting Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse - Carl Rogers'Seven Stages of Process

In Episode 340 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at the question: Can clients ask you to delete their data? - covering legal, ethical, and practical considerations.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jeremy Sachs about supporting male survivors of sexual abuse, with a focus on the intersectional challenges they face and practical considerations for therapists.

And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken explain and simplify Carl Rogers' Seven Stages of Process, highlighting how this core theory maps client growth in therapy.

Can Clients Ask You to Delete Their Data?  [starts at 03:26 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken address a challenging but important question: Can clients ask you to delete their data?

Key points discussed include:

Under UK GDPR (Article 17), clients have the "right to erasure" (right to be forgotten), but it’s not absolute.

You may decline deletion if:

The data is required for legal obligations, such as tax or insurance records.

You need the data to defend against complaints or for safeguarding purposes.

Deleting data prematurely could leave you without a defence if a client complains later or if you are required to provide records to legal authorities or coroners.

Good practice includes:

Explaining data retention policies in your contract.

Consulting the ICO (Information Commissioner’s Office) for UK-based practitioners.

Documenting decisions with written evidence from insurers or data protection authorities.

Consider using a split-note system to separate identifying details from case notes.

How long should client data be kept after therapy ends? (Commonly six years for adults, up to age 25 for children).

Supporting Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse [starts at 23:53 mins]

In ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jeremy Sachs, therapist and author of the upcoming book Masculinity Reconnected, about male sexual abuse and its often-overlooked challenges.

Key points discussed include:

Societal silence: Male survivors often go unheard due to cultural narratives about masculinity, strength, and emotional repression.

The role of masculinity:

Traditional masculinity can prevent men from seeking help.

Men may internalise shame and avoid vulnerability.

"Toxic masculinity" can further oppress male survivors.

Intersectionality:

Men experience sexual abuse differently based on race, gender identity, class, or sexuality.

Therapists must recognise these layers when supporting clients.

Supporting survivors:

Create safe, validating spaces for male clients to share their stories.

Explore how societal expectations and cultural messaging impact their healing.

Encourage community and connection to reduce isolation.

Carl Rogers' Seven Stages of Process [starts at 45:40 mins]

In ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken simplify Carl Rogers’ Seven Stages of Process, a key person-centred theory describing how clients grow through therapy.

Key points include:

The seven stages map a client’s journey from rigidity to fluidity - from defensiveness to openness and self-trust.

Stages explained:

Rigidity & Defensiveness – Blaming others, avoiding self-awareness.

External Recognition – Acknowledging problems exist but externalising them.

Tentative Self-Exploration – Starting to discuss personal feelings.

Here-and-Now Feelings – Becoming present-focused, seeking involvement in therapy.

Ownership & Change – Taking control and committing to change.

Experiencing Fully – Accepting emotions in real-time and trusting the inner self.

Self-Actualisation – Living authentically and growing beyond therapy.

Most therapy takes place between stages 3–5,

Practising Good Self-care – What is My Counselling Philosophy?

In Episode 339 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the potential dangers of dual relationships in counselling and psychotherapy  – how they arise, the ethical implications, and strategies to manage them appropriately.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Sally Anne Armitage about her lecture on practising good self-care – a vital skill for therapists at every stage of their careers.

And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken reflect on the importance of defining and understanding your personal counselling philosophy as a student and practitioner.

Dual Relationships in Counselling and Psychotherapy [starts at 03:29 mins]

This week’s topic explores the often-overlooked issue of dual relationships in counselling and psychotherapy  – where a therapist has another connection to their client beyond the therapeutic one.

Key points discussed include:

A dual relationship can involve personal, social, familial, educational, or professional overlap with a client.

Common examples include supervising someone you’ve worked with as a client, counselling friends, or working within the same family or organisation.

These relationships can:

Break confidentiality boundaries

Lead to power imbalances

Create confusion around the therapist’s role

Undermine objectivity and the therapeutic alliance

Ethical bodies (BACP, UKCP, NCPS) acknowledge that dual relationships sometimes arise, especially in smaller communities or training contexts, but they must be handled with extreme care.

Dual relationships can damage trust, blur boundaries, and even cause clients to leave therapy prematurely if not managed appropriately.

Practising Good Self-care [starts 27:13 mins]

In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Sally Anne Armitage about her recent lecture on practising good self-care – a core component of professional resilience.

Key points of the conversation include:

Self-care is essential but often neglected by therapists.

It must be intentional and planned, not left to chance.

There’s a key difference between leisure and self-care – some activities (like scrolling social media) may distract rather than restore.

Self-care involves reconnecting the mind and body e.g. noticing when you're tired, hungry, or overwhelmed and responding accordingly.

Listening to the body’s cues helps prevent burnout, irritability, and emotional exhaustion.

Technology and social media can disconnect us from physical awareness e.g. ignoring hunger, tiredness, or the need for rest.

Practical self-care suggestions:

Looking at greenery or distant views for improved mental health

Listening to the body’s signals (e.g. when to rest, eat, pause)

Saying "no" when needed to preserve emotional capacity

Recognising early signs of fatigue, such as withdrawal or irritability

What is My Counselling Philosophy? [starts at 51:54 mins]

In this final section, Rory and Ken explore the topic: What is my Counselling Philosophy? A question that may come up in training and supervision.

Key points include:

A counselling philosophy reflects your personal values, modality, and beliefs about therapeutic work.

It answers: “What do I stand for as a practitioner?” and “How do I understand and approach therapy?”

For person-centred therapists, it may include concepts like unconditional positive regard, trust in the process, and self-actualisation.

Your philosophy may evolve over time with experience and reflection.

Ethical practice means being aware of your values while respecting and prioritising the client’s world and truth.

Don’t leave your fingerprints on the client - let them develop in their own way.

REBT for Pain Management and Exercise - Counselling Skills Feedback

In Episode 338 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the essential and sensitive topic of supporting suicidal clients – discussing how therapists can respond ethically and effectively, including risk assessment and safety planning.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Ruth Hill about her lecture on REBT for pain management and exercise – blending cognitive therapy with physical wellbeing to support client recovery.

And lastly, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss the importance of receiving and using counselling skills feedback – helping you get the most from peer observations and strengthen your skills in training.

Supporting Suicidal Clients [starts at 03:29 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken discuss the sensitive but important issue of supporting suicidal clients, and how to respond appropriately in therapy.

Key points discussed include:

Suicidal ideation can range from passing thoughts to detailed planning. All expressions should be taken seriously.

Risk factors include mental health diagnoses (e.g. depression, bipolar disorder), substance abuse, previous attempts, bereavement, and neurodivergence (particularly autism).

Warning signs may present as hopelessness, withdrawal, giving away possessions, or even sudden mood improvements.

Therapists should feel confident in:

Asking direct, nonjudgmental questions

Assessing risk through clarity on plans and means

Creating collaborative safety plans with clients

Intervention may include providing helpline details, referring to a GP, or involving other services – guided by your therapeutic contract.

Documentation, supervision, and appropriate CPD are all essential to ensure ethical and competent practice.

REBT for Pain Management and Exercise [starts at 42:15 mins]

In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Ruth Hill about her lecture on REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy), and how it can be used to support pain management and exercise.

The key points of this conversation include:

REBT explores irrational beliefs and helps clients reframe unhelpful thoughts (e.g. “I can’t cope with this pain” becomes “I don’t want this pain, but I can cope with it”).

Beliefs around pain often increase suffering and decrease motivation.

Therapists can help clients notice and challenge cognitive distortions like catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and mind-reading.

Avoidance and guarding behaviour can worsen pain and increase deconditioning. Exercise can be reintroduced gently and collaboratively.

Therapists should explore client history around movement – school PE experiences, family values, or previous injuries can shape limiting beliefs.

Exercise doesn’t have to mean running a marathon – it could mean stretching, walking, or visualising movement to reconnect mind and body.

Counselling Skills Feedback [starts at 01:05:57 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken explore how to receive and use feedback on counselling skills, a vital part of developing as a student practitioner.

Key points include:

In triad skills sessions, the “client” should give feedback first, followed by the observer.

Keep feedback constructive – use statements like “I wonder what might have happened if…” instead of criticism.

Use observation forms to stay focused – reflect on specific skills such as silence, open questions, or paraphrasing.

Sandwich suggestions between two pieces of positive feedback.

Not all feedback is right – look for consistent patterns before making major changes.

Recording practice sessions can help spot what worked well and what could be improved.

Feedback isn’t just about ticking boxes – it’s about deepening empathy, timing,

iCloud Changes and Client Confidentiality – Dealing with DNAs in Placement and Practice

In Episode 337 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore how to talk to children about death – covering developmental understanding, appropriate language, and how to support children through bereavement.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Catherine Knibbs about changes in Apple’s encryption policy and what this means for therapists in terms of data protection and confidentiality.

And lastly, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss how to respond when a client does not attend a session, particularly while you’re on placement.

Talking to Children About Death [starts at 03:26 mins]

Talking to children about death is a delicate but vital topic. In this section, Rory and Ken offer guidance on how to approach this with compassion and clarity.

Key points discussed include:

Begin the conversation by referencing nature - trees, animals, and seasons can help young children start to understand the cycle of life and death.

Avoid euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” or “passed away” - these can be confusing and potentially distressing.

Children under 5 may not grasp the permanence of death. They may show their grief through regression, clinginess, or confusion.

Children between 5 and 11 are more aware but may still not fully understand. They often ask the same questions repeatedly to process the information.

Magical thinking can lead a child to believe their actions or thoughts caused a death - therapists and caregivers must gently challenge this.

William Worden’s “12 Needs of a Bereaved Child” mention the need for clear and honest information, routine, and emotional expression.

iCloud Changes and Client Confidentiality [starts at 24:04 mins]

In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with Catherine Knibbs about the recent removal of Advanced Data Protection from Apple iCloud in the UK, and how this impacts therapists.

The key points of this conversation include:

iCloud’s end-to-end encryption has been removed in the UK, meaning data stored in iCloud is more easily accessible by government agencies.

Therapists who use Apple devices may unknowingly store sensitive client data (notes, recordings) in the cloud.

It’s now more important than ever to review your device settings and understand where your client data is going.

If you're recording sessions, use dedicated offline devices like a dictaphone rather than mobile phones that automatically sync to the cloud.

Be aware of auto-backups on apps and devices, and take steps to disable them if needed.

Therapists must now adopt a more technologically informed stance on client confidentiality, reviewing not just clinical practice but also data storage and device use.

Dealing with DNAs in Placement and Practice [starts at 49:30 mins]

Do Not Attends (DNAs) are a common part of placement and professional practice. In this section, Rory and Ken reflect on how to respond both practically and emotionally.

Main points include:

It’s normal for clients to miss sessions, especially in the early stages of therapy or during times of personal crisis.

As a student, it’s easy to take a DNA personally, but it’s rarely about you - clients may not be ready, or other life factors may have intervened.

Use the time to reflect, do coursework, or engage in self-care.

Some placement providers use systems to reduce DNAs, such as text reminders or follow-up calls.

Take these experiences into supervision to gain support and insight.

Clients may only attend one session, but even a single meeting can offer value. It’s part of your development to work through these moments professionally and reflectively.

Links and Resources

https://www.childrenandtech.co.uk/