Interview by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard

Join us for a gentle exploration of emotional connection, intimate relationship dynamics, divorce and uncoupling. Our guest, Dr Desirée van den Broek, advocates for creating new narratives in relationships that focus on understanding and compassion, rather than blame. Her words reflect her deep understanding of the emotional intricacies involved in relationships and the importance of communication, empathy, and external support during emotional transitions, like uncoupling.

Desirée also highlights: - The importance of being emotionally available (accessible, responsive, and engaged) in relationships, especially when emotions run high

- What's required to end negative interaction cycles in relationships, when one partner's behavior triggers the other's which triggers the other's… causing ongoing conflict

- How trauma can affect communication and emotional responses in relationships

- The complexities of co-parenting after a break-up, and the difficulties of integrating new relationships into family dynamics

- The importance of seeking out a supportive therapist or coach who can soften the sense of isolation and help you understand the interpersonal dynamics of a relationship breakdown

While the conversation explores the emotional turmoil and necessity of prioritizing personal health and well-being during such transitions, our guest also explains why not all uncoupling is problematic.

About Dr Desirée van den Broek

Trained as a medical doctor, Desirée's passion for the development of healthy cooperation in people- centered organizations inspired her to transition from medicine to medical communication teaching, individual and relationship coaching, and mediation. She also serves as an independent (team) coach for the Academy for Medical Specialists and TalentCare.

Her multidimensional perspective on healthcare is viewed through the lens of a doctor, healthcare manager and teacher/trainer.

In addition to directing the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) Netherlands foundation, she developed several EFT courses, including Emotionally Focused Mediation and Relationship Coaching.

The EFT perspective on conflict management and cooperation is vital to Desirée's approach. Her dream is for the EFT attachment and emotion-oriented approach to be embraced by healthcare institutions and organizations alike, to benefit their patients, care providers, the professionals they employ, and the people that they serve.

Promotional Link: The Portal

If you've been listening to our podcast, you may have heard guests connect their birth experiences with enduring subconscious behavioural and emotional patterns. To help break this cycle, Compassionate Inquiry® offers The Portal, a 28-week trauma-informed training for perinatal health professionals; such as midwives, obstetricians, nurses and doulas, who want to empower their patients to trust their innate ability to birth, bond & nurture their child. Please use this link to learn more and register by February 23.

Resources:

Websites:

Desirée's Professional Website (Dutch Language)

Desirée's TalentCare Profile (Dutch Language)

Related Links:

Dr Sue Johnson

What is EFT?

EFT Mediation & Couples Counselling (Dutch Language)

The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)

This image depicts the interaction cycle in which reactive defensive behaviour results In withdrawal, which results in more pursuit, which results in more withdrawal…

Articles:

When to End a Relationship

The 19 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

The Kübler-Ross 5 Stages of Grief (DABDA)

Videos:

Terry Real's Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Terry Real's YouTube Channel

Esther Perel's Should I Stay or Should I Go Workshop

Esther Perel's Transformational Approach to Couples' Therapy - video

Esther Perel's YouTube Channel

Books:

The Myth of Normal

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy for Dummies

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Quotes:

"Really seeing someone' as a human being and being able to understand 'difficult behaviour' as fighting for connection with others or yourself because social isolation causes 'primal panic', offers so much space for our (fellow) humanity and (self) compassion." - Desirée van den Broek, TalentCare

Communication is not only about communication with yourself and others, but also about yourself as an instrument in communication. Insight into the functioning of your own neurology and its impact on your own (automatic) behavior and the emergence of common patterns is essential. - Desirée van den Broek, TalentCare

"Most often, both partners don't pull the plug at the same time: one partner wants out, while the other, to whatever degree, is devastated." - Terry Real When to End a Relationship

"Am I getting enough in this relationship to make grieving (the pain of) what I'm not getting worth my while?" - Terry Real When to End a Relationship