I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.

Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.

Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.

My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.

Maybe it's our human nature?

Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...

He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.

(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.

​​And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)

But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...

I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.

I was so exhausted.

It wasn't until I decided to

1-​​forgive

​and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,

​

2-​let God change my heart according to His will,

​

3-​change my words, and

​

4-​behave respectfully...

Did I witness my husband transform.

And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.

I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.

My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.

And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.

I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.

Blessings,

Belah

PS If you need immediate help, please schedule a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

A Clarity Advisor will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS From a Delight Your Marriage wife:

"It's been so amazing! I still call it a rollercoaster, because there are ups and downs, but the ups are way more than the downs now and that's a huge win! I honestly was at a place where I didn't like my husband a lot of the times...

I now WANT to spend time with him, miss him when we're apart, initiate intimacy, and enjoy intimacy!"