Episode #998

What if that argument about the dishes isn’t really about the dishes?

Most guys fall into the same trap during conflict—we react. We defend ourselves, make excuses, try to explain things, or just shut down completely. I’ve been there, and I used to think being “right” would solve everything. It didn’t. It just made the fights last longer and left us both feeling more disconnected.

In this episode, I’m bringing back a short but powerful conversation that can shift everything. I walk you through how I stopped blowing up arguments in my marriage and started turning those heated moments into connection.

We dive into a simple technique I used when things were at their worst—counting to 10. Sounds basic, right? But that pause gave me just enough space to stop reacting and start listening. From there, I used what we call the Hidden Motives Technique to figure out what my wife was really trying to say underneath the complaints.

In this revisit, I’ll show you how to shift the dynamic, so you're not just avoiding a blowup—you’re actually building more trust and intimacy. When your wife feels seen and heard, everything changes—including how she responds to you.

This isn’t about walking on eggshells. It’s about learning to lead better during conflict. And it works.

👉 Want to know if you're showing up in DEER mode—or as the grounded, powerful man your wife actually wants to connect with? Take the free Marriage Scale Assessment and find out where you stand in just a few minutes: https://fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales

You can't fix what you can't see. Start here.

Hungry for more?

Head over to our Bonus page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we've developed at The Powerful Man.