Creed Edition: Episode 6: "One Last Breath"

When last we left the boys, they were holding down a man they thought to be Scott Stapp.

“SAY YOU'RE SCOTT! SAY IT!” Memphis yelled in his face.

“I’m not Scott Stapp! I swear you guys!” the man squealed.

“Oh yeah? Then who are you?” Cameron said, the toy uzi full of hot sauce trained on the man’s balls.

“I’m…” the man let out a heavy sigh. “I’m Meatloaf.”

“The singer?” John said. “Fuck that. You got proof?”

Meatloaf reached into his pants and pulled out his wallet. His Driver’s License didn’t lie. It said Meatloaf right on there.

“Shit. You’re a dead ringer for Scott though,” Memphis said, helping Meatloaf to his feet.

“Hey thanks! That’s what I was going for! I had to put on a few pounds but I think I captured the look.” Meatloaf said. “I really was trying to help you guys but I totally forgot that Scott and his family moved to Nashville, Tennessee.”

“Son of a bitch!” John yelled, punching a wall.

“That’s fucking Kid Rock territory you guys. I ain’t trying to get murdered. You remember what happened last time.”Cameron stammered.

“Yeah you’re right…” Memphis said with a forlorn look on his face. “I guess....I guess we could hit the beach since we’re already here.”

“Hell yeah bros! Let’s get some margs and scope out some beach babes!” Meatloaf exclaimed.

And so ended the boys’ pursuit of the Redeemer Scott Stapp. They had some good times along the way and only got diarrhea twice. All in all, it was a pretty good trip.

We’ll see ya next time!

Highlights include: Amaz-on point review; Emoji Movie; Scott goes bananas; Commitment Issues; Scott’s kids are HILARIOUS; Pushin’ their buttons; Scott’s Time Out; Dupergroup; TKO’d; You’re not allowed to listen to music; Surreal fo sho; Aaron Curtis; More than Six Feet down; Burning Bridges; One Last Word

Creed Edition: Episode 5: "Bullets"

The boys made it to Tallahassee in record time with the “police” escort. The beat-up cruiser pulled up in front of a huge mansion and the “cop” jumped out. John eased the Winnebago in behind him and turned to Memphis and Cameron.

“Okay we got to play this real cool. This dude could be dangerous,” he said.

“Don’t worry. I’m packin’.” Cameron said as he lifted up his shirt to reveal a realistic looking Uzi. “It’s just a toy full of hot sauce. Like in Airheads. Remember Airheads guys?”

The boys filed out of the Winne and followed the “cop”up the sidewalk to the house.

“Hey, what was your name again, sir?” Memphis said, glancing at the others.

“Me? Didn’t I tell ya? It’s Steve.” the cop said, not turning around.

When they reached the front door, Steve looked at them and smiled. “See? I told you I knew where he lived!”

He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and began unlocking the door.

“Wait what? How do you have keys?” John asked, flabbergasted.

“Oh Scott lent them to me.” Steve said as the door swung open.

The boys walked into a very spacious, very grandiose and very EMPTY mansion.

“There’s nothing here,” Cameron said, inching his hand towards the toy Uzi. “Where’s Scott? What is this place?”

“That’s so weird. He was just here 2 years ago.”Steve said, scratching his head. As he did, a long greasy lock of hair fell out from under his trooper hat. He walked into the kitchen.

Memphis motioned to the guys and indicated he had an idea. “Say Steve, don’t you think it’s really dark in here? You could probably see better without those sunglasses.”

“Nah I’m good. I don’t really like to show my face that mu--” Steve was cut off by the boys jumping him from behind. They pulled off his hat and sunglasses.

“I fucking knew you looked familiar!” Memphis shouted. “It’s you! You’re Scott Stapp!”

Is Memphis right? Have they finally found the man of legend? All this and more will be answered in the thrilling conclusion to Creed Edition. Stay Tuned.

Highlights include: Holy diver; Suicidal Tendencies; Shoot Em Up; Scott Skalari; Wacky Jackie; MY President; I LIKE TO FIGHT; 311 Punch Party; Orange You Glad I Didn't Say 'Gina; Full Circle Jerk; Still Tuckin'; Yarlins Soar; Vidya Games; 18 Hour Days; LOOK AT ME; Stabbed in the Back

Creed Edition: Episode 4: “Higher”

The boys started cruisin’ when they came across that Florida-Georgia line. Cameron was weavin the Winne this way and that.

“Cut it out, dude. We’re gonna get pulled--” Memphis started to say when the sound of sirens cut him off. Checking the rearview mirror, Cameron noticed the flashing lights and pulled the Winnebago over.

The cop approached the driver’s side window. “Doin a little drinking in there, son?”

“No, sir,” Cameron answered. “We’re just on our way to see Scott Stapp.”

The cop’s mouth fell open and he lowered his sunglasses “You talkin’ THE Scott Stapp? From that band Creed?”

“Yes, sir. We’re hoping to find him in Tallahassee.” Memphis said from the passenger seat.

“Well shoot! You know how many times I’ve pulled that sumbitch over? He even invited me to his Christmas party one year because I pretended not to see an open bottle of Jack between his legs. Hell I’ll take you right to him! Police escort!”

The cop walked back to his car and moved in front of the Winnebago. “Follow me, boys! Yeehaw!!” he yelled as he passed.

“The fuck is going on? I’m trying to sleep!” John yelled from the back.

“This cop dude is taking us to Scott. His name was...Memphis did you catch his name?” Cameron asked.

“No...actually he wasn’t even wearing a uniform...just the hat and sunglasses....wait is the back window of that cop car busted?” Memphis said pointing ahead.

“Uh oh,” said Cameron, gulping.

Does this “cop” really know the way to Scott or are the boys being led to their untimely deaths? Stay tuned.

Highlights include: Poop jokes; Holy Father; Scott gets Burns-ed; Hall of Famer; Cowboy Creed; I’m the QB!; Phone to the Face; Breaking Dad; Scott the Hulk; Crippled Creed; DUNK ON ‘EM; Back to Chicago; Gotta break up to make up; Heaven on Earth; Cringe Factor Five; It’s about dreams, guys, not heaven; Stealing shit

After a few hours of driving Cameron decided to go take a nap in the back of the Winnebago and let John drive. Memphis was still riding shotgun. His eyes half open, Memphis was slipping in and out of sleep and muttering “How did he survive that tornado with a belt? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Hey Raines. Wake up.” John said loudly.

Memphis snapped awake. “What’s up?” he said, yawning.

“I was thinking...what if we didn’t go to Tallahassee?” John said, his eyes not leaving the road in front of him.

“What? But that’s where Scott is?” Memphis replied.

“Yeah but what if he’s not there? What if he moved? What if he’s in...oh I don’t know...LAS VEGAS NOW. What if we went there, huh? Wouldn’t that be fun?” John said, getting noticeably more excited.

John turned to face his passenger and Memphis recoiled in horror as he noticed his eyes. John’s pupils had been replaced with dollar signs.

“What the fuck? How is that possible? Can you even see anything right now?” Memphis said, his eyes flicking towards the glovebox where he knew he had stashed a can of bear mace.

“What if I CAN see, Memphis? WHAT IF I CAN?!” John was shouting now. His eyes had turned back to the road but the green glow from the dollar signs reflected off of the windshield. “WHAT IF I CAN SEE EVERYTHING? THE CHIPS? THE CARDS? THE PISSED STAIN SEATS? WHAT IF TOOK THIS EXIT? WHAT IF I LEFT I-NIIIIINE?”

John’s screaming was replaced by the yarling of one Scott Stapp belting out “What if.” Cameron bolted upright and awake. The Winnebago was quiet. John and Memphis seemed to be discussing lunch up front.

“The fuck just happend?” Cameron croaked, eyes squinting and mouth slightly agape.

“Dude, you fell asleep. I guess you had a nightmare or something.” Memphis said, turning to look at Cameron. “We’re thinking of stop--WHOA why is your dick hard?”

Was Cameron’s dream prophetic? Is the boys’ quest doomed from the start? Will they make it to Tallahassee? Stay tuned.

Highlights include: Scott’s childhood was basically the movie Frailty; Norah Jones? Really?; Woodstock and Two Smoking Barrels; Money for water and the shits for free; Even Worse Album Fart; Scream Creed; Zach Braffin it; That guy from the Office; Who the fuck likes Heath bars?; You crossed a line, Daughtry; Fifty-three Times; Scott’s a tough guy; School Daze

"What's the matter, Memphis?" Cameron asked he they pulled into another motel between here and Tallahassee.

"I don't know, man. Sometimes I think: For what is this life? Ya know?" he replied, looking forlorn.

"Thank you for wording that properly." Cameron beamed, as he slightly adjusted the graduation cap on his head that he always wore. "But yeah who knows? Maybe there is no point. It's just living it up until you die."

"Like Livin La Vida Loca?" Memphis asked. "That makes sense. Hand me that mushroom juice."

Just then, John burst out of the Winnebago bathroom, pants still around his ankles. "The fuck did I just hear? You better cut that shit out. Scott would not approve….also we're out of toilet paper."

"Mil-tonnnnn." Cam and Memph said in unison, rolling their eyes while Cameron firmly pressed the button for the laugh track generator installed in all Winnebagos.

Will the boys last another night on the road or will their collective self-doubt slam their Winne into the concrete pylons of depression? Stay tuned.

Highlights include: Bono is a Christian; Soundscam; Seven Minus Three; Why so serious?; Rock N Roll Jesus; Fanatic Fan Tats; Album Fart; Post-Grunge Shredded Creed; What is Scott for?; Halloween: H20-icide; Soul stuff; Messiah is Complex; A Bridge to Nowhere; You’d tell me if I was dead right?

Cameron Poe, Memphis Raines and John Milton are back with a vengeance. This time they’re up against a band so righteous they make the Doobie Brothers look like fucking Satanists. That’s right. Jesus ain’t just alright with Creed, he’s their goddamn inspiration. But alas, the band has long since separated and only one man could bring them back together. Did I say man? I meant demigod. I speak of course of the one, the only, Scott Stapp. The boys loaded up their Winnebago and set a course for Florida. Tallahassee that is. Will they see the man who made the Marlins soar or has Scott once again dropped off the face of the Earth? Stay tuned.

Highlights include: Sin City; Whatchu Yarlin’ Bout?; Silly Can Holders; Pearl Slam; Yarl only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off; Weekday Elvis; Evil Stepfather; Guitars are the devil; Snitch on me twice, shame on me; Prison Apartment; Making his Mark Tremonti; Pyramid Schemin; Clumsy Demons; Nelson Mandela FX; Gabriel sounds like a dick; Bad, bad kids; Yarl Mary