Screw Up

"This ass is brought to you by cheese." What's your sign? I'm a Caution! Keep Out! Welcome to a brand new episode of Screw Up the Podcast. This week, we have our natal charts read (shout out to all your preggers people taking your vitamins). Emma, a Pisces, and CJ, a Leo, dive deep into what it means to have been a baby when the stars were all hanging out where they were. And along the journey, we learn and say things about ourselves we need to say more AND things we never wanted people to know about us! Get your natal chart read with us while you listen, it's super fun! Also, to confirm, hyenas are NOT like giraffes, but that doesn't stop us from talking about it! All of that and more, this week on Screw Up the Hyena! 

We hate to hit you with another re-release so soon SC friends, but life is all kinds of weird right now and we want to keep this train a'going in any way we can! See you in two weeks for a new episode! "Or, it would just be Jeff Goldblum and his big, giant dick!" [Note: we tried another new setup for recording, so CJ's audio is a wee borked this episode, we're trying to find the sweet spot and appreciate your understanding!] This week on SUTP, CJ and Emma are reunited to talk about parties!  We for some reason discuss the first Pokemon movie for ten minutes, pinpoint the moments we lost our youth, discuss debt for a bit (again, what??) and Emma has an interesting take on the drinking age being 21.  Stay tuned for our next creative project, "Mad Boys."  Flip your friend on your stomach and break out the Sativa, it's time for Screw Up the Party!  LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"We've got ourselves a real Helen Hunt situation." Does ANYONE know how to buy a forest? It's Screw Up the Podcast! This week, Emma and CJ discuss being scammed by the world, the ones we love, and of course, ourselves. But more specifically, having the pipe dream that there's a ton of good in the world! Emma goes deep undercover inside her very own Instagram to discover that people aren't always what they may seem on the internet? And CJ, bless his heart, continues to prove how sheltered he is, the sweet summer child. Am I speaking to the owner of the house? You have sixty seconds to tell me or your bank account gets it! It's Screw Up the Scam! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I guess mattresses really do double in size, but is it from all the skin cells or from all the piss?" Are you familiar with the idea of hygge? It's all about keeping it cozy and safe, building a nest in your home to kick back and convalesce in. This week, we're talking about beds and how much skin gets absorbed into them (and your pillows), we share our favorite tips and tricks for cozi-fying your abode, and Emma tries to convince CJ that taxidermy is somehow good for the balance of energy. To quote her: "taxidermy is a strong word." Turn yourself into a human meatball, cover yourself in blankets until the pain goes away, and get ready for your first Mushy Detroit: it's time for Screw Up the Hygge! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"We're not doing an episode on sounding, and anyone who knows what sounding is knows why." Drop and give us 43!...minutes of your time to listen to Screw Up the Fitness! This week, we're talking about why motivation isn't just a four-letter word, tips and tricks about exercise from people who often can't be bothered to do it, and Emma talks about how her innocent, virgin hands became women (if you believe in that sort of thing) with the help of the family Shake Weight. So take some time for fitness...fittin' this podcast into your day, you busy mom! Okay, we'll stop making that joke. Screw Up the Fitness! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"I feel very short and homely because I've been eating pizza in my car for eight hours." This week on Screw Up the Podcast, CJ steps aside so we can hear all about Emma's trip to Canada! She opens up about how a journey to the Great White North led to moving into Soberville, a car cavity search from un-mounted mounties (she specifically says they're not mounties, but I'm the one writing this and I thought that sounded cute) at the US-Canada border, a deluxe night out in Ontario facilitated through the tried and true method of following hot people, driving in cars with (possibly high school) boys, pissing on tress, and well...I don't wanna give too much away. This is a tale that maple LEAVES nothing on the table - it's Screw Up Canada! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"And as a lab rat, I should know when they're coming." What's the deal with podcasting?! This week, we're back in the studio (aka CJ's apartment) to talk about something that makes us both sick with glee and with something akin to food poisoning: doing stand-up comedy! We talk about our favorite comedians, Santa's pendulus testacles, senior pictures, and Emma convinces (read: tricks) CJ into reading some absolutely disgusting copypastas that probably should have been censored. Plus, we tell some of our favorite jokes that we've written and even some that we're still workshopping! Tighten up that five minutes and gird your pelvic floor, it's time for Screw Up the Stand-Up! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

Hey y'all - while we're continuing to get a tenuous grasp on health and scheduling stuff, we wanted to share one of our all time favorite episodes again: Screw Up the Sex Toy! Enjoy! "I want someone in the Pentagon to figure out whether or not I have colon cancer." This week, Emma and CJ talk about going and having sex with yourself already!  We talk about our choices for the only songs we can listen to for the rest of our lives (off-topic?  on brand!), pegging, sounding, fisting, having hot greasy sex with yourself, and of course, what it's like to expose your sexual deviancy to a bunch of strangers accidentally!  Twist yourself into a comfortable position in that sex swing and lube up that 3-inch angry dildo you got as a gag gift; it's time for Screw Up the Sex Toy! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"You are a 'born to hand jive' turkey, how about that?" This week, CJ takes on the world and revisits topics from a few months ago: mood, meds, and mental health. He gives an update on his psychiatry and therapy, talks about the importance of boundaries, and discusses the differences between selfishness and self-preservation - and why for some of us, we can't help but feel guilty when we put ourselves first. While this is a heavier episode, the goal was to end on a lighter note, and we hope you get at least a few flavorful notes out of CJ's mind gravy. Times are weird - start a relationship with yourself. Thanks for listening to another episode of Screw Up the Podcast. LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!

"A watched piss never boils!" You know you saw us CUMIN - another episode of Screw Up the Podcast! This week, Emma learns about the joy of sweet potatoes,  we find out neither of us knows what's in a souffle, and we go completely off the rails for nearly ten minutes about the differences of fear and compassion as motivators! Yet another notch in the Emeril Legacy of this podcast! If that pun tastes bad, add more garlic! Buon appetito - you've got a heaping pile of steaming Screw Up on your plate! LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK •Rate •Review •Subscribe •Comment •Like •Love? •Email us @ [email protected] •Follow >Twitter, IG, & YouTube< LISTEN ON •Spotify •Apple Podcasts •Google Podcasts •Overcast, •PocketCasts •RadioPublic •Breaker •Castbox, •Anchor.fm •& more!