July 04, 2023

Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue (208)

41 minutes

What is secure attachment and how can I grow my own capacity for security?

We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies – preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset – it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings. In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others.

Security feels like: ‘people are generally trustworthy, and so am I’ – Dr. Ann Kelley

Time Stamps for Secure Attachment

2:06 – What does security look like?

2:39 – Reminder of red and blue meanings in attachment

6:46 – Sue’s Bigfoot attachment analogy

8:27 – A secure attachment base is not the same as feeling securely attached

9:19 – The importance of integration and security

12:23 – Example of “joining” in conversation

19:39 – Understanding the attachment continuum

27:40 – Interactive questions to gauge your security

34:47 – Insightful questions to ask peers about influence

37:11 – Sue’s physical queues to know she’s in the green

39:37 – The role of curiosity in your green state

43:18 – Tracking your activation exercise

Resources for Secure Attachment

https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu151-secure-parenting-dan-siegel-tina-payne-bryson-replay/

https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/secure-relating-not-the-same-as-secure-attachment-with-ann-sue-190/

https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu-149-modern-attachment-regulation-spectrum-an-integrated-model-of-change/

Secure Attachment & Recognizing Secure States of Mind with Ann & Sue – Transcripts

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