This week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen delve into the intersection of intimacy, sexuality, and recovery. They’re joined by the incredible Carlyle Jansen—a sex educator, registered psychotherapist, and founder of Good For Her, Toronto’s groundbreaking sexuality shop and workshop space. Carlyle is also the author of Sex Yourself and Anal Sex Basics, and she brings over two decades of experience helping individuals and couples reclaim pleasure, navigate intimacy, and communicate more effectively. Today, she helps us better understand how our sexual selves evolve in recovery, and how we can reconnect with our bodies and desires—without shame.

Together, we'll explore questions many of us have: What happens to libido after quitting substances? How do we navigate physical connection when sober sex feels so unfamiliar? What do terms like “responsive desire” actually mean, and why do they matter in recovery? This conversation helps deconstruct cultural shame, normalize sexual differences, and guide the path back to pleasurable living.

Carlyle offers practical techniques like mindfulness, post-intimacy debriefs, and body exploration exercises.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.

Episode Highlights

[00:01:00] Meet Carlisle Jansen: therapist, author, and founder of Good For Her

[00:03:00] Carlisle shares her first experiences with sex, shame, and trying to orgasm

[00:04:30] How a bridal shower kickstarted her career in sex education

[00:06:30] Why she opened a retail shop alongside her workshops

[00:08:00] The impact of growing up in a sex-silent household

[00:10:00] How family history and shame shaped her relationship with sexuality

[00:12:00] From workshops to therapy: how her work evolved

[00:15:00] The most common issue in her practice: mismatched libidos

[00:16:30] What changes sexually during addiction recovery

[00:18:00] What is sexual anorexia? And how is it different from sexual numbness?

[00:20:00] Trauma’s impact on sexual function and emotional availability

[00:21:30] Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the parts that show up during sex

[00:23:00] Why partners need to “start over” after sobriety

[00:25:30] How to rebuild trust and emotional safety during physical intimacy

[00:27:30] Navigating unpleasant emotions and sexual discomfort

[00:29:30] How to rethink consent and boundaries post-recovery

[00:31:30] Why kissing should not be a gateway to sex—and how to communicate about it

[00:34:00] Debriefing after intimacy: how to reflect and stay connected

[00:36:00] How to approach sober dating with clarity and boundaries

[00:40:00] The role of masturbation in recovery and reconnection

[00:44:00] Sex addiction, love addiction, and how to tell if it’s compulsive or just shame

[00:47:00] Why we seek validation through relationships—and how to unlearn it

[00:49:00] Tips to maintain long-term sexual connection with a partner

[00:52:00] Spontaneous vs. responsive desire—and how to honor your sexual blueprint

[00:55:00] Pressure kills arousal: why expectation ruins the moment

[01:01:00] Expanding what sex means: intimacy without intercourse

[01:03:00] Closing thoughts and how to keep showing up for your evolving self

Carlyle's Links

Links: carlylejansen.com

TEDx talk: https://youtu.be/12d2o8e9cSU?si=3DcVS-4uiexd4cdC

SIS Links

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