The Beliefs That Shape Our Behavior

One of the most frustrating experiences in life is knowing exactly what to do, but still not doing it.

If you've ever tried to quit drinking, build a new habit, improve your health, or pursue a goal and found yourself slipping back into old patterns, you're not alone.

In this episode, I talk with behavioral design expert and bestselling author Nir Eyal about why this happens.

The answer isn't a lack of knowledge.

It's BELIEF.

The Motivation Triangle

Nir explains that motivation isn't just about wanting something.

It's actually built on three elements:

• Behavior

• Benefit

• Belief

If we don't believe the effort will work—or if we don't believe we're capable of change—our motivation collapses.

We might know exactly what to do, but something inside stops us from taking action.

This is why so many people struggle with the knowledge-action gap.

The Power of Beliefs

One of the most powerful ideas Nir shares is this:

Beliefs are tools, not truths.

Most of us assume our beliefs are facts.

But many beliefs are simply interpretations we've repeated so often they feel true.

And those beliefs shape everything:

• What we notice

• How we interpret events

• What actions we take

This is why two people can experience the same situation and come away with completely different conclusions.

Pain vs. Suffering

Another important distinction we discuss is the difference between pain and suffering.

Pain is a signal.

Suffering is the interpretation of that signal.

When we believe discomfort is unbearable, we escape it—often through unhealthy behaviors.

But when we learn to reinterpret discomfort, we gain the ability to stay present instead of reacting impulsively.

Persistence Is the Real Secret

One fascinating study Nir shares involved rats swimming in water.

Normally they gave up after about 15 minutes.

But when the researchers briefly rescued them and then returned them to the water, the rats kept swimming for 60 hours.

The only thing that changed was their belief that rescue might be possible.

That belief unlocked persistence.

And persistence is what ultimately determines success.

Action Steps

If you want to apply these ideas in your life, start with these steps:

1. Identify a belief that might be limiting you.

2. Ask yourself if it's absolutely true.

3. Consider alternative explanations.

4. Notice how that belief affects your behavior.

5. Experiment with a more empowering belief.

When we change our beliefs, we often change our actions—and our lives.

Books Mentioned

• Beyond Belief — Nir Eyal

• Indistractable — Nir Eyal

Guest Website:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Root Cause of Emotional Eating In Sobriety

There's something we don't talk about enough.

You quit drinking. You do the work. You go to meetings. You build a life you're proud of.

And then…

You find yourself standing in the kitchen at 9pm.

Again.

Maybe it's sugar. Maybe it's "just a little snack." Maybe it's eating in secret. Maybe it's feeling out of control around food in a way that feels eerily familiar.

A lot of people in recovery don't want to admit this part.

But it's common.

Very common.

In this week's conversation with Ali Shapiro, we unpacked something that changed the way I think about food struggles — especially for sober people.

She said something powerful:

"You don't love food so much. You're trying to feel safe."

Because if addiction is avoidance of pain… then food can absolutely become the next strategy.

Not because you're weak. Not because you lack discipline. Not because you're broken.

But because your nervous system still wants relief.

It's Not About Food. It's About Belonging.

Here's the framework that stopped me in my tracks.

Ali asks her clients two questions:

1. Think of a positive food memory.

2. Think of a painful food moment.

Then she looks for one thing.

Belonging.

When food memories feel warm and good, there's usually connection. Celebration. Safety.

When food feels chaotic or secretive, there's usually isolation. Shame. Disconnection.

It's not about calories.

It's about whether you feel like you matter.

That's a different conversation entirely.

Why We Switch Addictions

In recovery, we often say, "It's not the alcohol."

The alcohol was the symptom.

The deeper driver was emotional regulation, belonging, identity, safety.

So when alcohol leaves…

The system looks for another solution.

Food is legal. Food is celebrated. Food is socially rewarded.

And our culture makes overeating normal — especially during stress or the holidays.

So if you're sober and struggling with food?

You're not failing.

Your nervous system is trying to solve a problem.

The Question That Changes Everything

Ali offered one simple question that reframes the whole struggle:

"Why does this make sense?"

Instead of: "What's wrong with me?"

Try: Why does this make sense?

Why does it make sense that after a stressful day, I want sugar? Why does it make sense that when I feel unseen, I want to eat? Why does it make sense that when I feel alone, I crave something soothing?

That question moves you from shame to compassion.

And compassion is where change actually begins.

Practical Action Steps

Here are 5 ways to start applying this immediately:

1. Run the Food Memory Exercise

Journal two columns:

• A positive food memory.

• A difficult food moment.

Ask: Where was belonging present? Where was it missing?

2. Ask "Why Does This Make Sense?"

Every time you feel out of control around food this week, pause and ask that question.

No fixing. No rules. Just curiosity.

3. Delay the Behavior by 5 Minutes

Not to restrict — but to observe. What am I feeling right now? Lonely? Overstimulated? Unappreciated?

4. Expand Your Definition of Fun

If you've tied indulgence to being "the fun one," ask: What else feels fun to me now?

Rest? Deep conversation? Leaving early? Going to bed proud?

5. Create One Small Belonging Ritual

Call someone. Go to a meeting. Text a friend. Sit on the porch instead of isolating.

Food is often replacing connection.

Replace it back.

Resources

• Ali Shapiro's assessment + programs: 👉 https://trucewithfood.com

• Ali's Podcast (Insatiable → rebranding to Truce With Food)

• Concept: Functional Medicine (root cause vs symptom treatment)

• If you're sober and struggling privately, consider:

• Talking to your sponsor

• Sharing honestly at a meeting

• Exploring nervous system work

• Joining a recovery-focused coaching container

Guest Website:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Best Worst Thing That Ever Happened

A conversation on sobriety, entrepreneurship, and rebuilding a life that actually works

There's a certain kind of person who can build something from nothing.

They're driven. Intense. Creative. Restless. They work hard. They push. They win.

And sometimes… they self-destruct.

In this conversation, Tim shares what it looked like to be both a high-achieving entrepreneur and a blackout drinker—and how recovery didn't just save his life, it reshaped his ambition, identity, and purpose.

This isn't a story about "before and after." It's a story about learning how to live differently.

The drive started early

Tim began drinking in middle school after his parents divorced and he moved to a new town. Trying to fit in quickly became the gateway to alcohol and drugs.

At the same time, he was already wired for achievement.

In college, he launched a painting business, hired teams, ran sales and marketing, and made real money—while partying just as hard.

That "work hard, play hard" rhythm followed him into adulthood.

Success grew. So did the consequences.

A devastating drunk-driving crash left him with a traumatic brain injury and months of recovery. Even then, he didn't stop drinking—he just learned how to drink harder and longer.

If anything, achievement became another way to avoid looking at what was really happening.

High performance can hide a lot

Tim went on to build businesses, lead teams, and outperform expectations.

But behind the scenes:

• drugs escalated

• relationships deteriorated

• burnout intensified

• drinking became non-negotiable

He describes always being "the most messed up person at every event," even while breaking performance records.

That's the part people don't talk about.

Addiction doesn't always look like collapse. Sometimes it looks like productivity.

The moment everything broke

The turning point came after a blackout weekend that ended his marriage.

It wasn't just one mistake—it was the undeniable accumulation of years of denial.

Within days, he attended his first AA meeting. He hadn't planned a recovery journey. He just knew his life couldn't keep going like that.

He started going to meetings every day. Sometimes two a day. He got a sponsor, worked the steps, and immersed himself in service.

That structure became his lifeline.

Recovery didn't shrink his life—it expanded it

One of the biggest myths about sobriety is that it takes things away.

For Tim, it gave him:

• community

• purpose

• emotional connection

• clarity

• direction

He learned to build intimacy with other people without substances. He learned to cry, share honestly, and ask for help. He learned that vulnerability wasn't weakness—it was relief.

And slowly, ambition changed shape.

Instead of chasing validation, he started building a life rooted in service and meaning.

Today, he works in recovery, supports others, and still channels his drive—but with balance and intention.

The routines that keep him grounded

Recovery isn't a single decision. It's a daily structure.

Tim's core practices include:

• morning prayer and meditation

• gratitude lists

• exercise and physical health

• journaling and learning

• service and community

• time with people who support his growth

He describes gratitude as essential:

"If I'm grateful, then I'm not a victim."

Exercise, too, became foundational—not just for fitness, but for mental and emotional stability.

He calls it part of his "solution," not just a habit.

The entrepreneurial paradox

There's a pattern many high performers recognize:

• intense focus

• extreme discipline

• relentless drive

These traits build companies.

But without awareness, they also:

• fuel burnout

• mask emotional pain

• replace one addiction with another

Recovery didn't remove Tim's intensity.

It taught him how to channel it without destroying himself.

Balance became the new metric—not output.

Action Steps: What you can take from this conversation

You don't need to be in addiction to benefit from recovery principles.

These are life principles.

1) Build a grounding morning routine

Start simple:

• gratitude

• stillness

• reflection

Consistency matters more than complexity.

2) Replace extremes with consistency

You don't need heroic bursts of effort. You need steady, repeatable actions.

3) Notice where achievement becomes avoidance

Ask yourself:

• Am I building… or escaping?

• Am I creating… or distracting?

4) Find your people

Recovery happens in connection.

Whether it's:

• 12-step meetings

• coaching groups

• fitness communities

• spiritual spaces

Isolation keeps people stuck.

5) Anchor your life in service

Helping others stabilizes your own growth.

It creates meaning that performance alone never will.

Resources Mentioned

Books

• The Four Agreements — Don Miguel Ruiz

• Living Untethered — Michael Singer

Practices

• AA / 12-step community

• meditation + gratitude routines

• exercise for mental regulation

• yoga and breathwork

• cold exposure / recovery practices

Recovery & Treatment Work

• Camelback Recovery

• TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) as a non-invasive mental health support approach

Guest Contact Info: https://www.camelbackrecovery.com/

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

The Respectable Addiction: When Work Becomes the Coping Mechanism

A reflection on burnout, identity, and recovery — plus practical action steps

There's an addiction we rarely talk about because it looks like ambition.

It earns praise. Promotions. Respect. It hides behind phrases like "driven," "productive," and "hard-working."

But for many high achievers, work isn't just effort — it's a coping mechanism.

In this episode, Dawn shares her story of a "workaholic blackout" — the moment she realized work had become her drug. After years of recovery from substances, she found herself caught in a new cycle: overwork, anxiety, identity tied to productivity, and eventual burnout.

At one point, she drove home from work and had no memory of the drive. That was the moment everything shifted.

What followed was a diagnosis of extreme burnout and a realization that she wasn't just "busy" — she was addicted to working.

When Work Stops Being Healthy

One of the most powerful distinctions Dawn shared is this:

Working hard doesn't make someone a workaholic. External pressure doesn't equal addiction.

Workaholism comes from the inside.

It's marked by:

• An internal compulsion to keep working

• Self-worth tied to productivity

• Constant thoughts about work

• Anxiety or guilt when not working

• Difficulty detaching — even during rest

You can meet deadlines, put in long hours, and still be healthy.

But when work becomes how you manage fear, grief, identity, or anxiety — it shifts from effort to escape.

Burnout Isn't Just Exhaustion

Burnout isn't just being tired.

It's a full-system collapse:

• Physical

• Emotional

• Mental

• Spiritual

For many high performers, burnout mirrors an addiction "bottom." You keep pushing… until your system can't.

And then something breaks.

Relationships suffer. Health declines. Meaning fades.

And the work that once energized you begins to feel like pressure, obligation, or proof of worth.

The Cultural Trap

Our culture celebrates overworking.

We glorify:

• Hustle

• Sacrifice

• Endless productivity

• "Grinding" for success

But we rarely talk about the cost:

• Anxiety

• Family strain

• Loss of identity outside work

• Chronic stress

• Emotional detachment

Workaholism is often called "the respectable addiction" because it looks admirable from the outside.

Until it doesn't.

Recovery Isn't About Quitting Work

Unlike substances, you can't abstain from work.

Recovery is about boundaries, awareness, and redefining your relationship to productivity.

Dawn shared practices that helped her rebuild balance:

• Under-scheduling instead of over-planning

• Creating "top lines" (healthy behaviors to commit to)

• Creating "bottom lines" (behaviors to avoid)

• Protecting time for joy, relationships, and rest

• Spiritual grounding and daily reflection

• Detaching self-worth from output

It's less about doing less — and more about working from a different place.

Not fear. Not "not enough." Not urgency.

But intention.

Action Steps: Rebuilding a Healthy Relationship With Work

If this episode resonated, here are simple starting points.

1) Notice the fuel behind your productivity

Ask yourself:

• Am I working from joy… or fear?

• Is this aligned… or avoidance?

• Am I creating… or proving?

2) Separate urgency from importance

Not everything urgent is important. And not everything important feels urgent.

Pause before reacting.

3) Identify your "bottom lines"

Examples:

• No work after a certain hour

• No phone during family time

• No checking email first thing in the morning

4) Define your "top lines"

Healthy commitments like:

• Movement

• Hydration

• Connection

• Rest

• Creative time

5) Schedule spaciousness

Recovery often begins with:

• Fewer commitments

• Fewer calls

• Fewer goals at once

Space allows clarity.

6) Detach identity from productivity

Practice this reframe: "I am enough — with or without what I produce today."

7) Watch for the "self-care productivity trap"

Even healing can become another project.

Self-care isn't something to optimize. It's something to experience.

Reflection Prompts

• Where is my self-worth tied to achievement?

• What am I avoiding by staying busy?

• When do I feel most at peace — and why?

• What would "enough" look like today?

Resources Mentioned

• Workaholics Anonymous literature and tools

• Journaling and recovery reflection practices

• Byron Katie's "The Work" inquiry process

• Anxiety and habit research (Dr. Judson Brewer)

• Recovery communities and peer support spaces

(Referenced from episode transcript)

Final Thought

You don't have to burn out to change your relationship with work.

You don't have to earn rest. You don't have to prove your worth. You don't have to run on fear.

There is another way to work — one rooted in clarity, presence, and enoughness.

And it starts with one honest question:

What's really driving me right now?

Guest Contact Info:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Can I Moderate? Why This Question Matters More Than We Talk About

For most of my recovery journey, I held a pretty firm belief:

If you're questioning your drinking, the answer is probably abstinence.

That belief came from both lived experience, as well as observing other people who struggle with alcohol.

Personally, I never drank normally. From the very first drink, the switch flipped on—and it stayed on. I hit a hard bottom early, and after years of trying to moderate, the answer for me was clear: I could not moderate. As it turned out, for me abstinence meant freedom.

And still… Over time, something softened in me.

Not because I changed my relationship with alcohol—but because I started listening more closely to other people's experiences.

The Question Everyone Has to Answer for Themselves

I've come to believe this: "Can I moderate?" is not a denial question. It's a developmental one.

For many people, it's the pivot point of their entire recovery journey.

Some people answer it quickly. Some answer it painfully. Some don't answer it until years—sometimes decades—later.

But skipping the question doesn't make it disappear.

And that's why my conversation with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, felt so important.

Nick grew up in an AA household. Both of his parents are in long-term recovery. He understands abstinence deeply—and still, his own relationship with alcohol took a different path. Instead of waiting for a crisis, he began asking a quieter question early on:

What does a healthy relationship with alcohol look like for me—right now?

That question eventually became Sunnyside: a platform designed to help people explore change before things fall apart.

The Missing Middle

Here's the reality I see again and again:

Most people are offered two options:

1. Figure it out

2. Quit forever

And when those are the only choices on the table, a huge number of people choose to keep trying to figure it out.

Not because they're reckless. Not because they don't care. But because abstinence can feel overwhelming, stigmatizing, or premature—especially for people who are still functioning "well enough."

Research suggests there's often a 10-year gap between when alcohol becomes a problem and when someone seeks help.

Ten years.

Think about what happens in ten years:

• Careers strained

• Health eroded

• Relationships damaged

• Kids absorbing instability they can't name yet

Waiting is not neutral.

Why Willpower Isn't the Answer

One thing Nick and I aligned on immediately: Willpower is a terrible long-term strategy.

Willpower is finite. It's lowest at the exact moments people need it most:

• After a long day

• During stress

• At the witching hour (5–7pm)

• On Fridays when it's "been a week"

Sunnyside takes a different approach:

• Decisions are made ahead of time, when clarity is high

• Habits are supported with structure, not shame

• Accountability is externalized, not moralized

This is how real behavior change works.

A Word About Naltrexone (And Nuance)

We also talked openly about naltrexone, a medication that's been FDA-approved for decades to help reduce alcohol cravings.

Here's what matters:

• It doesn't make people sick

• It doesn't require abstinence

• It reduces the reward loop that drives compulsive drinking

I've had clients use it successfully—particularly high-functioning people who struggled with the "off switch," not daily drinking.

But for people earlier in the process—people quietly wondering, "Is this still working for me?"—tools like this can interrupt years of silent suffering.

Language Matters More Than We Think

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was about vocabulary.

Words like addict, alcoholic, relapse, recovery—they carry weight. For some people, they offer clarity and belonging. For others, they create shame, fear, and avoidance.

If the language feels too heavy, people wait.

Sunnyside intentionally avoids labels and instead talks about:

• Alcohol overuse

• Habit change

• Awareness

• Experimentation

That shift alone can make change feel possible.

Where I Land Now

I'm still sober and have no desire to drink again. I still believe abstinence is the right path for most people who struggle with alcohol. And I also believe we need earlier, gentler, more honest entry points into change.

The goal of sobriety—or moderation, or reduction—isn't the absence of alcohol.

It's:

• Freedom

• Health

• Presence

• A life that actually works

If someone can get there sooner, with less damage along the way, I'm all for it.

Action Steps

If this resonated, here are a few grounded next steps:

1. Ask the question honestly Is alcohol adding to my life—or quietly taking from it?

2. Move from judgment to curiosity You don't need a label to run an experiment.

3. Plan ahead of cravings Decisions made in advance beat willpower every time.

4. Seek support early Coaching, tracking, community, and medical tools are preventative—not last resorts.

5. Protect what already works If abstinence is serving you, honor that. No need to second-guess stability.

Resources

• Sunnyside: https://www.sunnyside.co/arlina

• Sunnyside Med (Naltrexone access)

• NIH research on alcohol use disorder and treatment gaps

• AA and abstinence-based recovery programs (for those who already know)

If you're listening to this podcast, reading this post, or even asking the question quietly to yourself—you're already earlier than most.

And earlier matters.

Guest Contact Info: https://get.sunnyside.co/arlina

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

There's a point in many recovery journeys where insight stops being the problem.

You know what to do. You understand your patterns. And yet… change still feels hard.

In this episode, I talk with Paula Robbins, author of Hitchhiking Into Recovery, who has over 37 years of sobriety, about why that happens—and what actually sustains healing over the long haul.

The Ride That Opened the Door

Paula's recovery didn't begin with a dramatic intervention. It began when she was picked up hitchhiking in 1988 by someone living a sober, connected life.

That single interaction mattered because it interrupted isolation.

Not with willpower. With connection.

Addiction Is a Disconnection Problem

Paula grew up with trauma, neglect, and instability. Alcohol became a way to shut down overwhelming emotions long before she had language for what was happening.

By age 12, she was drinking to blackout.

What stands out isn't just the trauma—it's what was missing:

• Safety

• Emotional guidance

• Consistent connection

Addiction wasn't a moral failure. It was a survival strategy.

Feelings Aren't Facts

One of Paula's most grounding principles is simple:

Feelings and facts are not the same.

Recovery didn't eliminate difficult emotions—it created space to respond instead of react. That pause is where real change happens.

The Four Pillars That Sustain Recovery

After decades of sobriety, Paula distilled what actually works into four stabilizing forces:

1. Community – healing happens in relationship

2. Mentorship – someone to help you see clearly

3. Service – contribution rebuilds self-esteem

4. Daily spiritual alignment – prayer, meditation, or quiet time

These pillars show up in every effective recovery model because they address the root issue: disconnection.

Divine Alignment vs. Self-Will

Paula explains divine alignment not as certainty, but as a felt sense.

When she's controlling outcomes, she feels restless and tight. When she surrenders—even briefly—things soften.

Sometimes all it takes is the simple phrase: "Thy will be done."

A Gentle Reminder

If change feels hard, it doesn't mean you're failing.

It may simply mean effort isn't the missing piece—connection is.

One Small Action

Try just one:

• Strengthen one pillar that feels weak

• Take a 5-minute daily pause

• Offer one small act of service

• Notice a feeling without acting on it

Healing doesn't require fixing yourself. It starts with not doing it alone.

Resources Mentioned

• Hitchhiking Into Recovery

• 12-Step Recovery Programs

• Step 3 Prayer

• Step 11: Prayer and Meditation

• Service work in recovery

Guest Contact Info:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Quitting Drinking Was Easy. Learning How to Parent Angry Kids Was Not.

One of the things I loved about my conversation with Zach Brittle is how honest he was about what recovery really looks like—especially for parents.

Zach said something that stopped me in my tracks: "Quitting drinking was the easiest part."

For him, the real work began when alcohol was gone and anger, resentment, and emotional reactivity were suddenly front and center. And if you're a parent in recovery, you probably know exactly what he means.

When one person in a family system gets sober, everything shifts. Kids who adapted to chaos don't always feel safer right away. Sometimes they act out more. Sometimes they get angrier. Sometimes they pull away.

Zach shared how his daughter went through her own painful process after he and his wife got sober—and how his job wasn't to fix her, control her, or defend himself.

It was to stay regulated.

Instead of escalating, he practiced pausing. Instead of taking the bait, he learned to sit with discomfort. Instead of rushing in to fix, he learned to be present.

That didn't come naturally. He practiced. He rehearsed. He failed and tried again.

And over time, trust began to rebuild—not because he forced it, but because he showed up differently.

Action Steps

If this episode resonated with you, try this:

1. Notice your triggers – especially anger. It's information, not a failure.

2. Pause before responding – ask, "What would make this worse?" and don't do that.

3. Practice regulation – not perfection. You get better by showing up.

4. Let time do its work – healing can't be rushed, especially with kids.

5. Ask instead of assuming – "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?"

Recovery isn't just about removing alcohol. It's about learning how to be with yourself—and the people you love—when things get hard.

Resources Mentioned

• Marriage Therapy Radio – Podcast by Zach Brittle

• Internal Family Systems (IFS) – Parts-based therapy model

• Alcoholics Anonymous – Step work and resentment inventory

• Therapy & Parenting Support – Individual, couples, and family systems work Zach

Guest Contact Info: https://marriagetherapyradio.com/

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

One of the most powerful moments in this conversation came when Amber said:

"I didn't want to do what I was doing… but it became my comfort zone."

If you've ever struggled with food, alcohol, or any compulsive behavior, you know exactly what she means.

This episode isn't about dieting.

It's about why the body holds on — to weight, habits, protection, and survival patterns — even when we desperately want to change.

Amber walks us through her healing journey, from childhood trauma and food addiction to full recovery, and explains why binge eating isn't a lack of discipline — it's often a nervous system trying to self-soothe.

We discuss:

• Why restriction and "all-or-nothing" thinking backfire

• How hormones quietly sabotage progress

• Why negative self-talk keeps the body in fight-or-flight

• The difference between managing symptoms and fully healing

• And why detachment — not obsession — is what allows real change

The biggest takeaway?

Your body isn't broken. It's protecting you.

And once you understand why, everything changes.

✅ Action Steps for Listeners

1. Identify your triggers Write down emotional, physical, and environmental triggers (fatigue, stress, scale-checking, restriction).

2. Stop blaming willpower Start asking: "What does my body need right now?"

3. Pay attention to self-talk Notice when inner criticism appears — it's often a stress response.

4. Support your nervous system Breathwork, journaling, walking in nature, and rest are not optional — they're foundational.

5. Get curious about hormones If weight or cravings feel "stuck," there may be a biological reason.

📚 Resources Mentioned

• Hormone testing & functional ranges

• EFT tapping

• Journaling & emotional processing

• Nervous system regulation practices

• Amber's Body Freedom work & free quiz

• The No Sugarcoating Podcast

Guest Contact Info: https://amberapproved.ca/

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK.

We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations. We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year.

Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware.

This episode was a reminder of what really matters.

Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters

One of the first things we talked about was listening.

When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me.

But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority.

Listening to people who've been there. Listening to patterns. Listening instead of reacting.

There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages.

Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn.

Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are)

A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems.

But isolation is where addiction thrives.

Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone.

And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you.

Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority

This might be the most important lesson from the episode.

Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly.

You stop meditating. You stop checking in. You stop telling the truth. You stop doing the practices.

And slowly… your nervous system takes over.

John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop.

Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from. It's something you maintain.

Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior

One thing I'm passionate about is identity.

You're not trying to get sober. If you didn't drink today, you are sober.

Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming.

Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask:

• Who do I admire?

• What traits do they embody?

• What small actions would reinforce those traits?

Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line.

Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That)

We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us.

If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past.

Triggers aren't signs that you're failing. They're invitations to heal.

When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip.

There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort.

Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand

One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict.

Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance.

A simple shift like:

• "Help me understand how you feel"

• "This is what I'm hearing — is that right?"

can completely change the outcome of a conversation.

Feeling understood often dissolves the fight entirely.

Action Steps You Can Take This Week

If you want to apply what we talked about, start here:

1. Choose one daily recovery practice Meditation, journaling, meetings, movement — consistency matters more than intensity.

2. Check your priority list Ask honestly: Is sobriety still at the top — or has it slipped?

3. Identify one trigger When you feel emotionally hijacked, ask: What does this remind me of?

4. Clarify your identity Write down 5 character traits you want to embody — then choose one small daily action that supports them.

5. Strengthen accountability Make sure there's at least one person you can be fully honest with — without editing yourself.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• 12-Step Recovery Programs – For connection, structure, and accountability

• SMART Recovery – A non-12-step alternative focused on tools and self-management

• Atomic Habits by James Clear – Identity-based behavior change

• Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer – Understanding habit loops and emotional patterns

• Meditation & Journaling – Daily practices for emotional regulation

• EMDR Therapy – Trauma-focused healing for emotional triggers

Guest Contact Info:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

I recently sat down with my dear friend and author, John Loxley to discuss the fundamentals of sobriety. John is 15 years sober and works in mental health services in the UK.

We weren't talking about shiny breakthroughs or dramatic transformations. We were talking about the basics — the things that quietly keep sobriety intact, year after year.

Because here's the truth: most people don't relapse because they don't know enough. They relapse because they slowly stop doing the things that keep them emotionally regulated, supported, and self-aware.

This episode was a reminder of what really matters.

Lesson #1: Early Sobriety Is a Learning Phase — Listening Matters

One of the first things we talked about was listening.

When people are new to sobriety, there's often a strong urge to explain themselves, justify their story, or be understood. I remember feeling that way myself — desperate to make sure someone got me.

But recovery starts to shift when listening becomes the priority.

Listening to people who've been there. Listening to patterns. Listening instead of reacting.

There's a time to talk — especially with sponsors, therapists, or trusted friends — but meetings and early recovery spaces are often best used as classrooms, not stages.

Takeaway: You don't need to have the answers. You just need to be willing to learn.

Lesson #2: You Can't Do Sobriety Alone (No Matter How Independent You Are)

A lot of people want to get sober "on their own." Not because they're lazy — but because they're private, capable, or burned by past systems.

But isolation is where addiction thrives.

Whether it's 12-step programs, SMART Recovery, therapy, coaching, or peer support — connection isn't optional. You don't need everyone. You need someone.

And just as important: those people aren't there to fix you. They're there to walk with you.

Lesson #3: Sobriety Has to Stay the Top Priority

This might be the most important lesson from the episode.

Anytime sobriety stops being the priority — even years in — things start to unravel. Not always dramatically. Often quietly.

You stop meditating. You stop checking in. You stop telling the truth. You stop doing the practices.

And slowly… your nervous system takes over.

John shared a powerful story about going on vacation, feeling great, and unintentionally leaving his recovery behind — only to realize how quickly emotional chaos can return when the practices stop.

Sobriety isn't something you "graduate" from. It's something you maintain.

Lesson #4: Identity Drives Behavior

One thing I'm passionate about is identity.

You're not trying to get sober. If you didn't drink today, you are sober.

Every sober action is a vote for the kind of person you're becoming.

Instead of obsessing over what's wrong with you, it can be incredibly powerful to ask:

• Who do I admire?

• What traits do they embody?

• What small actions would reinforce those traits?

Sobriety is the foundation — not the finish line.

Lesson #5: Triggers Are Teachers (Even Though We Hate That)

We talked a lot about triggers — emotional reactions that feel bigger than the situation in front of us.

If a response feels disproportionate, it's almost always about the past.

Triggers aren't signs that you're failing. They're invitations to heal.

When something activates fear, shame, or rage, there's usually something unresolved underneath. And once you work through it — whether through therapy, journaling, EMDR, or self-inquiry — that trigger loses its grip.

There's often real growth hiding underneath discomfort.

Lesson #6: You Don't Need to Win — You Need to Understand

One of the most relatable moments in the conversation was about conflict.

Many of us learned early on that arguments are about winning. But there are no winners in emotional battles — only distance.

A simple shift like:

• "Help me understand how you feel"

• "This is what I'm hearing — is that right?"

can completely change the outcome of a conversation.

Feeling understood often dissolves the fight entirely.

Action Steps You Can Take This Week

If you want to apply what we talked about, start here:

1. Choose one daily recovery practice Meditation, journaling, meetings, movement — consistency matters more than intensity.

2. Check your priority list Ask honestly: Is sobriety still at the top — or has it slipped?

3. Identify one trigger When you feel emotionally hijacked, ask: What does this remind me of?

4. Clarify your identity Write down 5 character traits you want to embody — then choose one small daily action that supports them.

5. Strengthen accountability Make sure there's at least one person you can be fully honest with — without editing yourself.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• 12-Step Recovery Programs – For connection, structure, and accountability

• SMART Recovery – A non-12-step alternative focused on tools and self-management

• Atomic Habits by James Clear – Identity-based behavior change

• Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer – Understanding habit loops and emotional patterns

• Meditation & Journaling – Daily practices for emotional regulation

• EMDR Therapy – Trauma-focused healing for emotional triggers

Guest Contact Info:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast