One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation with Emma is that anxiety, depression, and burnout aren't character flaws—they're nervous system responses to feeling unsafe.

We talked about how depression often mirrors the nervous system's shutdown response, and how anxiety shows up as fight-or-flight. When your body feels overwhelmed for too long, it doesn't motivate you—it protects you.

Emma explained that worry is actually reinforced behavior. When we worry and nothing bad happens, our brain learns, "That worked—do it again." Over time, worry becomes automatic.

This is why telling yourself to "just stop worrying" never works.

One of the most practical tools we discussed is Scheduled Worry:

Instead of worrying all day, you train your brain to worry at a specific time—usually 10–15 minutes in the afternoon. Outside of that window, you gently remind yourself, "I'll deal with this at 5pm."

This retrains the brain instead of fighting it.

Emma shared how she burned out after years of pushing herself—weekly YouTube videos, pregnancy, parenting, and running a business. What stood out most was this idea:

Fear is a dirty fuel source.

When we're driven by fear—of failure, not being enough, or letting others down—we eventually crash. Healing often means switching fuel sources to trust, values, and self-permission to slow down.

1. Set a daily check-in alarm (once an hour) to notice:

   • What am I thinking?

   • What am I feeling?

   • What's happening in my body?

2. Practice willingness instead of avoidance Let the feeling exist without trying to fix it.

3. Try Scheduled Worry for 7 days 10–15 minutes/day, written out.

4. Clarify your locus of control Separate what you can control from what you can't.

5. Choose one value-aligned action Small, doable, and grounded—not fear-driven.

• Therapy in a Nutshell (YouTube)

• Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)

• Burnout by Emily Nagoski

• Slow Productivity by Cal Newport

• The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry

Guest Contact Info: https://therapyinanutshell.com/

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

In this episode of The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast, I sit down with Hakeem to talk about what happens when performance, substances, and distractions can no longer protect us from unresolved pain.

Hakeem shares how the death of his younger brother, years of buried grief, elite athletics, addiction, and eventually incarceration led him to a moment of total reckoning. Sitting alone in a jail cell — without substances, screens, or distractions — he was finally forced to face himself.

What stood out to me most is Hakeem's belief that recovery isn't just about abstinence. It's about returning to our natural state — mentally, emotionally, and physically.

1. Addiction Is About Toxic Consumption Many people quit drinking but replace it with sugar, gambling, porn, caffeine, or overworking. The substance changes, but the avoidance doesn't.

2. The Work Has to Happen Before the Trigger If the inner work isn't done first, triggers become breaking points. When the work is done, triggers become opportunities for growth.

3. The TEFIC Framework

• Triggers – noticing what activates you

• Environment – what and who surrounds you

• Foundation – sleep, routines, structure

• Invest – time, energy, and money into growth

• Contribution – giving from overflow, not depletion

4. Community Is Where Healing Accelerates There's something powerful about being seen and understood by people who have lived it — not just professionals talking at you, but peers walking alongside you.

• Identify one "acceptable addiction" you might be using to avoid discomfort

• Build a minimum daily foundation you can keep even on hard days

• Journal on this question: What keeps showing up as a trigger in my life — and what might it be pointing to?

• Seek connection, not just more information

• Choose Yourself to Be Chosen — Hakeem Bourn McFarlane

• The Untethered Soul — Michael A. Singer

• The Way of the Superior Man — David Deida

• Outwitting the Devil — Napoleon Hill

• Can't Hurt Me — David Goggins

• Atomic Habits — James Clear (referenced)

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

Guest Contact Info:

Instagram: @bigdreamhakeem

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

In this episode, Sonia from Sisters in Sobriety joins us for a deeply honest conversation about recovery, journaling, trauma, and rebuilding life after addiction.

Sonia shares how her drinking escalated from teenage experimentation to daily wine-drinking as a high-functioning professional. While she never had the "traditional" external bottom, she described being emotionally bottomed out — chronically ill, blacking out, and unable to imagine a future.

What finally shifted? A moment of clarity at brunch, when she said "no" to a mimosa for the first time.

From there, she began exploring sobriety through AA literature, community support, and eventually the practice that changed everything: journaling.

• Moderation vs. abstinence: Some people can moderate; some can't. Addiction exists on a spectrum.

• Trauma and dissociation: Many of us learned early to ignore our intuition and numb discomfort.

• Healing through writing: Journaling processes emotions the same way talking to a friend does.

• Different journaling styles:

• Morning pages (The Artist's Way)

• Gratitude lists

• Emotional processing

• Prompt-based journaling

• Somatic/body-scan journaling

• Rebuilding after betrayal: Journaling helped Sonia reclaim her identity after divorce.

• The importance of community: A network of supportive women helped her through the darkest moments.

✔️ Try morning pages for 7 days — write 3 pages of unfiltered thoughts every morning. ✔️ Start a nightly gratitude list focusing on 3 things from that day. ✔️ Practice a weekly "body-scan journal session" and write about physical sensations + emotions. ✔️ Identify 3 people you can call when you're struggling — and practice willingness calls. ✔️ Reflect on the question: Can I moderate? — and be honest with your evidence.

• Blackout — Sarah Hepola

• Running with Scissors — Augusten Burroughs

• The Artist's Way — Julia Cameron

• The Power of Two-Way Prayer — Father Bill W.

• Radical Self-Acceptance — Tara Brach

• The Obstacle Is the Way — Ryan Holiday

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Today I am joined by Brett Eaton, who is a motivational speaker, high performance coach, and the best selling author of "Uncomfortable Either Way: The Blueprint For Building Confidence Through Discomfort". You might think that he doesn't fit the typical guest profile, but Brett's expertise on building confidence, behavior change, identity shifts, and building momentum - are the foundational building blocks of sobriety.

In this episode we talk about:

✅ How accepting discomfort leads to change

✅ The importance of micro-commitments

✅ Why focusing on the wins is critical to recovery

✅ The antidote to perfectionism

✅ How to rebuild self-trust after years of self-betrayal

And so much more!

He was so much fun to talk to, his energy is so contagious, I can't wait for you to meet him!

Before we jump in, just a quick announcement: I am hosting a new meeting through the OpenRecovery App! It's like having an AI sober coach in your pocket, but now has a HUGE community feature with some of the most influential thought leaders in the recovery space.

Sign up for free and join "The 12 Step Group For Skeptics". It's a safe space to explore challenging topics, intended to help you make progress in the steps, and make some new sober friends in the process. It's every Wednesday on Zoom at 4pm PST / 7pm EST. Some of the groups have a ton of members, and I'm super competitive, so join me and help me win this imaginary race! I can't wait to see you there!

Guest Contact Info: bretteaton.com

Buy The Book: https://amzn.to/4pfawTm

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

In today's episode, I sit down with my dear friend Julie Bloom - She's a coach, mental health trainer, multilingual communicator, and survivor of childhood abuse, and severe workplace trauma.

Julie shares her remarkable story of navigating PTSD, burnout, trauma, addiction, and a complete midlife unraveling… and how she rebuilt her identity through emotional regulation, nonviolent communication, and deep personal healing.

Together we explore: ✨ Why emotional regulation is the foundation of all healing ✨ What actually happens in the brain during triggers ✨ How to respond instead of react ✨ The surprising power of compassionate communication ✨ The connection between trauma, addiction, and high achievement ✨ How sobriety opened the door for Julie's personal transformation ✨ Tools like the RAIN method, journaling, two-way prayer, adaptive thinking, and more

If you've ever felt overwhelmed by your emotions, stuck in old patterns, or unsure how to communicate your needs… this episode will give you hope and real strategies you can use today.

Before we jump in, I want to wish all who are celebrating a Happy Thanksgiving! This episode will be released on a day where many of us spend the day with family, for better or worse.

For those who find Thanksgiving to be a challenging day, whether it's due to being around people who push your buttons, or the loneliness that comes from distance or estrangement, I wanted to offer some practical advice on getting through the day sober - both physically and emotionally.

First, start your day with self-care for your body, mind and spirit. Even if you can only spend 30 minutes in the morning doing it, the return will be well worth the investment.

Think of it like this, if you have to travel a long distance, you'd put gas in your car first so that you could go the distance. Same thing with challenging or high emotion days. Be sure to fill your tank with inspirational literature, or content before venturing out. Also, be sure to boost your positive feel good neurotransmitters like oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins. Go for a walk, do some yoga, or get a workout in too. The physical exercise will burn off anxious energy, and help you to respond instead of react in stressful moments.

Lastly, have an exit strategy. Give yourself permission to make an excuse to leave whenever you need to. Remember, your sobriety and your feelings take priority over someone else's expectations.

And who knows, if you run the experiment, maybe you'll have a completely different experience of the holidays!

If you find this episode helpful, please share it with a friend.

So that's it from me today. Please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

Find Julie on Instagram at @juliebloomworld

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE.

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, I sit down with David Shamszad, author of I Am Someone You Know: The Fight for Recovery and Mental Health, to talk about the hidden pain behind high-functioning addiction, growing up in an alcoholic home, and the courage it takes to heal.

David shares his journey through childhood trauma, undiagnosed bipolar disorder, suicidal ideation, and eventual recovery, revealing how vulnerability and self-care became his path to freedom.

We explore the power of telling your story, breaking cycles of generational trauma, and how choosing courage—moment by moment—can transform a life.

👉 If you've ever felt "high-functioning but secretly falling apart," this episode will speak directly to your soul.

Before we get to it, it's time for "I have a question for you!" where you get to share your thoughts with the thousands of people listening to the podcast, across the world.

Last week I asked about self-forgiveness with the question "What do you need to let go of?"

What was interesting about the responses, is that they ALL came through DM's! I think there's still a lot of shame about things that are hard to let go of, but here are some of the responses.

James sent me a DM on Instagram saying "Things I did before I got sober. There are people I can't make amends to."

Tammy messaged me to say "Anger towards my ex! I wish he wasn't so controlling. He always makes everything so hard!"

Ezra shared "I have to let go of the idea that I'll ever be able to drink normally."

We all struggle with letting go at times, but the old cliche is true. The level of our serenity is in direct proportion to the level of our acceptance. For me, self-forgiveness is a practice that helps me let go of things I can't control.

This week's question is about family. Thanksgiving is next week and for a lot of people, it's a stressful time. There's an old saying that family can push your buttons because they're the ones that installed them.

So my question for you is "If you're spending Thanksgiving with your family, how will you take care of yourself if you feel triggered?"

Share your thoughts on instagram and follow my account arlinaallen or odaatpodcast

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

When Ashley Jo's world fell apart—the death of her young son, the collapse of her marriage, and the depths of addiction—she turned her pain into purpose. In this raw and emotional conversation, Ashley shares how she survived unimaginable grief, overcame suicidal thoughts, and found healing through sobriety, grace, and faith.

We talk about:

• The devastating diagnosis and loss of her son

• What it's really like to grieve and feel relief at the same time

• How shame and secrecy fuel addiction

• Why her affair was actually an "exit affair"

• The spiral that led to her rock bottom moment—and how she came back stronger

• Finding peace with God, grace, and herself

This is an episode about the power of truth, forgiveness, and redemption. If you've ever carried shame or struggled to believe in second chances, this one's for you.

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

At sixteen, Sean typed "how to end my life" into Google. What he found that night set him on a path of healing, spirituality, and eventually — the creation of Rosebud, an AI-powered journaling app that helps people process pain and grow.

In this raw and honest conversation, Sean and Arlina explore depression, men's mental health, and how AI can actually become a compassionate mirror for self-awareness.

If you've ever felt hopeless or alone, this episode will remind you: your pain can become your purpose.

Download The Rosebud App Here: https://www.rosebud.app/

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Today I am joined by my dear friend Michelle Ferriss, a licensed marriage family therapist. She's been on the podcast two other times because she's awesome! Her area of expertise is on dealing with codependency, how to escape narcissistic relationships and overcoming anger issues.

In this episode, we're going to talk about toxic friendships, how to know if you're in one, ways to improve them, and steps to take to escape them. This is such an important topic because as we grow, evolve and change, so do the relationships we have. And with people feeling more disconnected and lonelier than ever, we need to know how to make new friends too.

Before we jump in, last week I started a new segment called "I have a question for you!" and the question was "how do you feel about the word Alcoholic?"

On Instagram, one person wrote: "It took a while to be able to openly call myself an alcoholic. I attached very negative and generalized connotations to it until I identified it. Now, I embrace it because it was crucial to me getting sober."

Another wrote: I think it keeps people that are sober curious from stepping fully into their sobriety because they think they have to call themselves an Alcoholic . In our society it has a negative connotation. They do not picture the soccer mom at the park with wine in her yeti cup who is still suffering. So, whatever you need to call it . The most important thing is that you don't have to label it at all. You can make a decision based on the results you're getting from drinking alcohol."

Thank you all who wrote in!

I think the big take away here is that it's all perspective based on the information you have or don't have. In the end, take what you like, and leave the rest.

This week's question it tied to the topic of this episode, which is: "Can you still be friends with your old drinking or using friends after you're sober?" Let me know what you think on instagram @arlinaallen

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

Guest Contact Info:

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

My guest today is Dr. Hector — a psychiatrist who specializes in helping people heal from addiction, PTSD, anxiety, and depression through a trauma-informed approach. He blends neuroscience, medication, and therapy with nutrition and lifestyle tools to support whole-person healing.

What I love about his work is that it's not just clinical — it's deeply compassionate. He helps people understand how their brain and body work together so they can build resilience, recover from addiction, and truly heal from the inside out.

He shares why most people relapse not because of willpower, but because trauma remains unresolved. From the role of GABA in calming the nervous system to how EMDR helps reprocess trauma, this episode is packed with practical tools and compassionate wisdom for anyone on the healing path.

Before we jump in, I have a new segment, called "A question for you!" Today I want to know how you feel about the word "Alcoholic".

I was interviewed on another podcast today and the host told me he thought it was a shame label. If you know me even a little bit, you'll know that the way I define it - it's a badge of honor, but also, it doesn't matter to me what you call yourself, as long as you get the support you need to heal and break free from addiction. So what do you think?

Leave your comment under this episode at odaatchat.com

Or leave a comment on my Instagram: @arlinaallen

Next week I'll share some of your responses! Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss out.

And with that, please enjoy this episode with Dr Hector.

Guest Contact Info: doctorhector.com

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast