Genders & Favors.
I treat everyone who likes me as potential sexual assault. 

I am afraid of them. Because I thought that if I reject them, I would get into troubles. So I pretended to be calm, polite, and gave no response. 

What if they reject my favor? 
I know that my biological sex is included in their sexual preferences. So I tried to get along with them. When they rejected me, I felt sad and I kept asking why. 

But I know that we are feeling uncomfortable and nervous, so I decide to stay alone.

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Genders & Relationships.
When I hear the word Relationship, I often think of „sexual relationship" directly.

When I hear the phrase… 
GAY with whom...: I have an image of two boys kissing, as is depicted in the BoyLove comics.

GAY is not dating anyone: If he is my friend, I’ll often ask him out for dining and shopping!

Girls' school: When I was in girls' school, I had feelings for the girl in the other class, and another girl wrote love letters to me. I was worried that I would be affected and become a lesbian.

Going to university: When I went to university, I started dating boys, I was certain that I should be heterosexual.

However, as I attended middle schools, even until now, I often fantasize about... Mariah Carey. We are naked and we are intimate with each other. And if the plot is too exciting, I will come.

I swear! I have no sexual relationships with Mariah Carey.

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Genders and Offsprings.
Will homosexuality cause human extinction?

I found that they are similar to families that don’t give birth, or have infertile problems. I know that for gender-diverse couples, they can adopt children together, and they can give birth artificially. But now, in Taiwan, it is not yet available and legal to do both. 

They are the same as me. 
They have the ability to nurture life. 
They can’t cause human extinction.

Then I am not sure: How do two dads raise one girl? How do they teach her masturbation and menstruation?

But I am sure: If it is me, I will find a way to teach them „how to normally deal with their sexual impulses, feminine periods, and terrible feelings“.

Just me alone, I can do it.

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Sexual Affection.
I like {Clean people. People without terrible breath. People who exercise regularly. People who speak profoundly: with tender voice, in a smooth pace. People who get a gentle posture. People with natural curves on the lower arms: those curves may be due to frequent clothes-washing or hard work. People who trim body hair. } 

The above { } is my "Sexual Affection Zone". 

I am used to finding, getting in touch with, and evaluating a suitable partner within this zone. 

Especially personal hygiene, it directly affects my feelings towards people. 

Poor hygiene, poor us.

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Sexy.

I say I am sexy, am I being lustful?
You say that I am sexy, are you obscene?

I used to scare myself. I always put a "taboo" mark on certain words. So, when I heard the word „Sexy“, I was nervous. I was cautious and I looked around: "Is someone trying to assault me?". But when I describe myself as Sexy, I look at my posture in the mirror, my behavior in the photos, and my expression in the text, I feel more relieved, „Yes, I am sexy, because I have taken good care of myself, from the body to mind.“

When my friend tells me that I am sexy. Now I am surprised and happy. It seems that my self-evaluation at home is proven! Some people say that I am not sexy. What a relief, I know that „Me being Sexy“ is indeed what I feel from my heart, not what I hear from my head.

But there is a kind of person that I hate. They say that I am sexy, and their eyes linger on my body, from head to toe, and from toe to head. They are of almost all genders and ages. I used to think that ""I made them sexually aroused", so I blamed myself seriously. I quickly put on clothes, dressing like an astronaut. What about now? I understand that some are just learning how to dress and behave decently from others, as I usually do; some are still balancing their own impulses and fantasies.

If their behaviors are too insulted, I will speak up to them, now:
„Hey! Your glares, your words, are making me very uncomfortable."

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About Gender.

Finally, it's time for us to talk about gender. Let me go around and gather information first! 

"What is gender fluidity? Can humans be transformed?" "Oh mine, it sounds like humans are all transsexuals. That’s insane." To be honest, until now, I haven’t come up with an answer, either. 

But my intuition is that it must be super simple, just a normal description from a part of humanity. 

How do I figure it out? 
I am searching for books and magazines, the Internet, and the common sense of me. I am putting together this puzzle named human gender.

I am sure I can conquer it. Why? Because I am a normal person, as you are.

#sexy_umy #gender #sexuality #humanity #umychang

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Intimate Relationship.
It is my own business. I am so stressed. I am under a lot of pressure. I have left tons of matters undone. 

I need to handle them first.

I see him. I feel more stressed. He is talking jokes, he is cheering me up, but that is so annoying. Can I leave for a second? I ask in my heart, not to him. 

“I prefer staying alone.” I hide this thought from myself.

I look at him. I can’t recognize him. I am shocked, I feel terribly sorry. What’s wrong with me?

Except for him, others, all friends, know me better. Why?

There are so many things I don’t want him to know, and they are getting much more. Maybe…so does he. I can’t tell. We are becoming different, more different than we first met.

What should I do? What should 
I fear, I fight, I favor…
in my whole life?

#fwords #umychang

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Self-Disclosure 

I tell my sex experiences with my female friends. I tell my love affairs with my female besties. I don’t tell sex details with my male friends, even I know that they are gays. I discussed the theories of sexuality and relationships with my male friends, only. And when the discussion are turning embarrassed, more directly to my personal experiences, I left the discussion. 
I thought that talking about my personal sex and love stories to males are immoral. But if it is to my lovers, family, and all females, it is healthy and mature.

I distinguish my audience from genders.

Did I really want audience to listen to? Sometimes, but actually I can’t tell who are my audience. So who is listening to me?

Myself. Just me.

#sexy_umy #relationships #self_discovery #umychang

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Sexual Self-Stimulation

I want to be comfortable. 
I know which body parts I am touching. I understand moving how fast or slow I will come. I understand that these are simply normal physiological reactions. I volunteer to do this. I fantasize about erotic plots. I am releasing some pressure. 

During my period I can also masturbate. But I touch my private part through the panties and the sanitary napkin. I pressed there lightly, like pinching a pillow. I watch sex fantasy movies at the same time, that's enough for me to come. 

How do I feel? Painful or itchy? Am I sweating or bleeding? I am observing my body. Is everything clean? Is it healthy? 

Do I smell bad? Yes.
Wash hands! Brush teeth! Change my underwear. #masturbation

#umychang

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Sexual Movie

The plots in sex movies are usually exaggerated. Actors yell wildly. Actresses express crazier than me. That’s why sex movies help me get my sexual excitement. 

Most of the time, I spaced out. Because the plots are too not me.

Well, at least it is enough for me to reach orgasm. But my mood is very calm. I don’t howl during orgasm.

If the plot is too violent, after the orgasm, I will feel embarrassed. It makes me uncomfortable.

“I should watch my erotic movie in mind, not online ”, I thought, “I will be more satisfied”.

#porn #umychang

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