Sexy Umy

Sexual Orgasm 
I'm under pressure. When I’m so stressed I really want to meet my basic physiological needs. I come. I’m comfortable. I'm less stressed. For quite a while.

I am not the lock.
No one has the key for me.
I own the key to my orgasm.

This is my physiological response. This is my body instinct. This is my sexual release.

Even there is just me, 
I can, I do, I come.

#sex #sexeducation #sexyumy 

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Sexual Fantasy
Now, it is just me, here.
I start to fantasize~~

Your finger is on my left shoulder, it lightly goes down, I feel the soft air flow from your nose. The air warmly follows your touches, slides over my back. All the way towards my button, so tender, too gentle.

"Oh~"
"More! Faster!"
"Come slowly, it hurts!”
"Oh~ yeah~ yeah~ babe"

You are the bear. You surround me with your strong arms pampering me carefully.

Then I guess I must be, the cutest teddy bear 🧸!
Luv ya ❤️

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Sexual Arousal

Sit still! No man-sitting.
My private part is for peeing. My menstrual blood flows from there. I can get infected if I keep scratching my private parts.
Touching there is dirty.

I slide my labia with my fingers, very softly. My fingers are too tired. So I buy sex toys. Do I want to hurt my private part? Do I want to make myself infertile? Of course not. No way. I am not crazy. I'm thinking:

Since my sex toy is a vibrator, it vibrates regularly, it can make me discharge moist liquid faster. The liquid protects my skin from scratches.

Most important of all, I am sexually aroused. I feel comfortable, but I have no climax. I don’t come.

Why? Because I haven’t started my sexual fantasies.

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4 Rationality 
We have chemistry with each other.
My head is swimming.

Objectively speaking, I like him.
Subjectively speaking, he's been nice to me these days.
I say, obscurely, I want someone to love me.
To be honest, he has been talking to me a lot lately.

Frankly speaking, I adore people easily.
Overall, his personal image is excellent.

About him, I am able to like him, I am able to love him as much as I want to. I'm still thinking about if we start the relationship, how much effort will it take to maintain the life and connections that I enjoy now.

To me, I'm considering, should I change my outfit right away? Or should I start losing weight secretly?

But then my rationale yells: Stop forcing yourself.

Rationality, my fourth sexuality.

#sexy_umy_2 #umychang 

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3 Sensibility 

Where am I? In a drugstore.

I checked everything online. As I was looking at my phone, I thought I was stuck in my phone. I even forgot that I was walking on the road, that I was crossing the road, and that I was waiting on the platform. What’s more? I forgot that all stories online are about others’ views and experiences, 

Not mine.

I have to see that „sheath-shaped barrier device“ myself.

I realize that I do feel sensible of its #odor #size #thinness, and #price. I know that having sex without a condom is for a family plan. And with this device is simply for my own health.

Today, I bought the first box of condoms in my life.

Sensibility, my third sexuality.

#sexy_umy_2 #umychang 

Note: With or Without? It shouldn’t be a question.

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What is the point of accumulating sex experiences with many people?
I am👏awesome. I am hot.
I am masculine. I am sexy💋
I am a hero. I am the queen👑

No, I haven’t found the suitable one. They are not comfortable with me. I don’t know why.

And now, I just want to take a rest, for a while. I don’t want to live like a sex robot.

Don’t stop exploring. Explore sex, explore your own body.

Collect some instructions. Think, think, and think 🤔 Do it simply, on your own, with yourself.

#sexy_umy #havesex #umychang

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2 Flexibility 

I'm chatting.
I’m hurt.

I can’t figure out the reason why I’m hurt…
Is it because of someone, the certain topic, that typical way of talking, those expressions, or what my intuition implies? Everything is knotting together, so complicated. 

When I say „everything“, it includes my own sexual complex, my sexual orientation, sexual experience, and my sexual stories.

In order to untie those tangles, I chose to release details of "sex" following the pattern as if my fingers are smoothly flowing through the keyboard. Sometimes I played it harshly, sometimes calmly. Whichever way I am typing, I must utter my words gently and decently.

Come on! I have to take care of my social connections, personal image, and personality at the same time. Okay? Thinking of „sex“ over human improvements should be a plus, not a minus, to my own being.

Flexibility, my second sexuality.

#sexy_umy_2 #umychang 

Note: I was hurt, so I ____, I am healed.

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1 Curiosity

Where am I? On the subway. 

I can tell who is looking at me. He is just curious. She is out of curiosity. I know the passersby looked at me is just because they popped up some delightful interests, all of a sudden.

I can tell who is thinking about sexuality. I can feel it, even if we’re not looking at each other, their eyes are telling more, more stories and feelings, other than curiosity... 

When they popped up with delights, I appreciate them for their shining attention. When they starred uneasily, I become so curious that I would even turn to talk to them: "Hey! I am feeling awful. Why are you staring at me?" 

Curiosity, my first sexuality. 

#sexy_umy_2 #umychang

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Sexy Umy 2.
This is a book about human sexuality, yes! A new storybook again. 

What am I going to talk about this time? This morning I received a picture of a male organ, one of my foreign fans passed it to me on Instagram. I was so curious! Why did he want to send it to me? I don't have that organ, how should I respond to him?

I replied. "Is this yours?" "Don’t you think that chocolate wafer roll looks more alike than bananas?" He hasn’t read the message. 

Fine. I can just talk to myself in this book. I will talk about “humans’ curiosity and fear of sexual organs”, “humans’ restriction and liberation on sexual behaviors, and “humans’ maturation and growing from sexual experiences. 

This is Sexy Umy 2. 
I am Umy Chang.

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EP.10 For Myself

I am special. 

I used to think of myself as others. So I constrained myself from words, behaviors to expressions. I found that I felt uncomfortable, being them is beyond my imagination, I kept doing the opposite deeds to be them, I am not any of them. 

I am what I think. 
I imagined "Who I am" 
I am also how I see myself. 
I see through "Who I am”.
When I put my knowing of "who I am" on dress and expression, this is what I am like. 

During the whole process of creating this project, I wrote about humanity from the perspectives of human nature, gender, sex, emotion, gender, and relationships. 

I mentioned gender twice.

I have been clinging to the topic of gender, except for the fact that I finally expressed my sexuality frankly, I intend to knit  gender diversity into my artworks. It is not because that the issue is very controversial. I know that when I explain my emotions, struggles, feelings and thoughts, the contents resonate with many peoples’ feelings. I’ve discovered this emotion resonance already at the beginning of this year. From then I come to realize that "it is time for us  to renew the culture." But since the blooming of culture does not happen overnight, so I am very worried that my words will shaken peoples’ feelings and beliefs. It would not be very comfortable for individuals. For instance, I say that in fact, for biological males nowadays, they are leaving away the cultural framework of male chauvinism, arrogance, or virgin complex. Biological females also are getting rid of the images of being innocent, indecisive, and insecure in any relationship. 

Is there a firm or credential basis for my statements? How much uncertainty will my statements cause? How much panic will I cause? I kept thinking things like these the whole year.

What I didn't realize was that culture is super abstract. Culture is always creating and eliminating. So instead of worrying about the cultivating  process of culture, and being  uncertain about what concepts will grow after my words, I decided to be more direct and just look at my own feelings and thoughts. This is more practical. 

I didn't disclose any big secret. I didn't become the richest person or a super star. I didn’t end the pandemic around the world. But I did something unique. So special for myself, I finally found it! I'm so excited! I want to share as soon as possible. I realize that 

Humans are tough and genuine. From humanity, these traits are always within our nature.

Therefore I mention gender diversity, because everyone encounters sex, emotions, and relationships. Each time as I mention gender again, I would tell myself: My words are for “humans” like me; My words are for "humans of all genders” just like me. 

On the last day of 2021, when I walked through the road full of lights and decos, my mind was strolling from the beginning to the end of this year. I remembered the first time in this book that I talked about gender.  

On that day, I pointed out some interesting questions: "Genders are the rainbow, and I am the color palette" Do I agree with this sentence? Or how would I see sexuality within me? 

Right after posting my Qs, I pictured a lot of street lamps and deco lights. At the moment, I come up with too many ways to answer my questions. I am "playing" with the questions.

Whenever I notice that I am playing with the questions, I know that I am not afraid of the challenge behind, thus I can play with them. How come I am not afraid of this challenge, which is named “human gender”? 

Because I know it so well that gender is defined within my mind, so is me defining myself: 

“Gender” is what I am passing by. “I” am what I am passing through.

Once I played, it becomes not any challenge for me. What is it? Of course, it’s a game.

The end. 

Thanks for passing through all the writing with me in this book. Here I am giving this book as the gift for everyone like myself.

And? Happy New Year!
I am Umy Chang.

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