Shut up a Second

In which our heroes keep taking a break from recording, eat a whole Christmas ham, and re-release our 2013 Christmas Special in a vain effort to buy us more ham-time. In this episode we completely forget everything we learned about eggnog last Christmas, gift-shame, and explore the terror of pets as gifts. Jackson comes up with the greatest Christmas tradition, Marley reveals the dog-eat-dog nature of her family Christmas, Zammit doesn't understand childhood wonder, and Duscher just wants to comprehend Frosty the Snowman. Join the gang as they receive a gift of nuts, describe their perfect milkshakes, and kill animals in fear. Merry Christmas.To help us buy larger, and more extravagant hams head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our jolly lives.

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In which our heroes get out of the studio, spend time with our friends and family and hastily re-release our 2012 Christmas Special to keep you jerks happy and to buy us some time. In this episode we try to make our own eggnog, discover the secret that makes every family gathering tolerable and go over coping strategies for Mall Santas. Jackson really wants to see some Christmas lights and eat dip, Zammit speaks ill of the dead and wants to be left alone and Duscher just isn’t even there. Join the gang as they try to retell an old Christmas fable, argue that Bigfoot has more to do with Christmas than Christ and discover the harrowing connection of human sacrifice to December 25th. Merry Christmas. ??To help us buy presents for our loved ones head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our Christmas lives.

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In which our heroes get cast away, cannot sleep in Seattle, and try to save Private Ryan whilst discussing Tom Hanks. We talk Jennifer Grey's nose, silent restaurants, and Jackson and Duscher's six year romantic relationship. Jackson reveals Tom Hank's dad's name, Zoe defends Tom Hank's typewriter collection, and Duscher just wishes someone would explain ownership of property to him. So join the gang as they discuss all things relating to Tom Hanks with a focus on Tim Allen. It’s a Big, Cloud Atlas Apollo 13, and it's not over till The Da Vinci Code, Forest Gump Philadelphia. T.Hanks for listening.To help us buy Tom Hanks head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our Tom Hankless lives.

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In which our heroes don a crown, put on their king-capes, and get coronated as we talk Royalty. We discuss the neccesity of legs, the dangers of playing pretend, and putting speedholes on a jousting horse. Jackson decides he wants a dangerous crown, Zoe dedicates way to many days to celebrating hamburgers, and Duscher just wishes Alladin would explain itself. It's an elegant, aristocratic adventure with our pinkies out, so everybody get on your knees and pay your respect to your humble ruler.Want us to remember you when we're kings? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our royal decrees.

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In which our heroes spoil milk, steal babies, and hassle the three billy goats gruff as we talk about trolls. We discuss the agricultural competency of trolls, the proper size for trolls, the sentient level of trolls in comparison to hippos and the proper defence against trolls. Jackson learns some new things about coffin sizes, Zoe creates some rad and grisly statues, and Duscher just wants to save his goats and horses by spoiling his milk first. It’s a fantastical adventure of dead horses, stiltskins and stolen babies, all finishing up before dawn or else we’re all turning to stone.To help us protect our farms from fas folk head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our simple farm folk lives.

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In which our heroes polish their suits of armour, sharpen their swords and discuss all things knights on their quest to slay a dragon. We look at the cost/benefit of being an armour squire, the hustle and bustle of the local wife market and wonder what our knight names would be. Sir Jackson the Disappointment kills the Queen and ponders at what age knights are put out to pasture, Sir Zoe the Man welcomes everyone to her sword show as she slaughters thousands and Sir Duscher the Great King just wants long, glorious hair to blow majestically in the wind while he poses with an oversized sword. It’s a gallant adventure that ends with a lot of dead horses and a lot of dead townsfolk.To help us get another squire head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our medieval lives.

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In which our heroes wash up on a desert island, draw straws, and do whatever it takes to survive as we talk cannibals. We discuss the dangers of eating brains, the nature of worms, and which Sanspants member is the tastiest. Jackson wants to lick the sphinx, Zoe is frighteningly prepared to eat all her friends, and Duscher just wants the world to know how much he hates rhymes. It's a fine banquet where the main course is long pig, so everyone pull up a chair, don’t lean your elbows on the table, and please, under no circumstances, calls the cops.To help prevent us from eating each other head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to the continuation of our lives.

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In which our heroes erect a tombstone, put on their mourning clothes, have a good grieve and discuss graveyards. We contemplate keeping our dead bodies out of New Zealand, shooting them into space, and protecting them from wolves. Jackson gives listeners permission to date their cousins, Zoe discusses the hassle of coming back from the dead, and Duscher just wants to know why zombies are such an issue. It's a spooky halloween mess where finding eternal peace has never been more difficult. So try not to think about the fact that you are always a second away from being a ghost, and have a happy Halloween.To help make double decker graveyards a reality head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to our unlives.

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In which our heroes break out the good china, pop some champagne, put on their party hats, and toast to fifty episodes of Shut Up a Second. We wonder if there's a difference between being half dead and half alive, mix up our cereals until it's just chaos with a splash of milk, and count 50 Cents bullet wounds. Jackson explains the living hell that is fifty first dates, Zoe wishes for fifty boyfriends and Duscher just wants to celebrate fifty years of Sanspants. So raise a glass, plonk your dick on the table and get Shingles to feed you hors d’oeuvres while we drink to at least another fifty episodes until we get distracted and move on to something else.To help us crank out another fifty head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can keep Jackson, Duscher, and Zoe in the elegant finery they have become accustomed to.

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In which our heroes roll on up, buy some peanuts, and try and avoid the clowns. We look at the nutritional value of peanuts, the patience of stupid farm folk and the right way to recruit a freak . Jackson wonders about the prerequisites for being a bearded lady (besides the obvious), Zoe creates a terrifying circus of lies and Duscher just wants to impress everyone by eating a whole toffee apple. It's freaks, sideshows, giant dwarfs and a whole collection of horses as we raise the big top and get the circus ready for the greatest show on earth. Sit back and enjoy or we’re going to have to ask you to leave. To help buy some more exotic horses for Zoe’s circus head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to our lives and make our carnival sustainable.

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