Shut up a Second

In which our heroes imitate airborne cattle, consult their weather forecasts, run for cover and discuss the spinning menaces that are tornadoes. We discuss the utterly terrifying firenado, argue about the differences between hurricanes and cyclones, and contemplate the best place to hide when things get a little windy. Zammit wants to avoid danger at all costs, Zoe wants to experience a tornado from the inside and Jackson just wants to know if anyone else has heard of a willy-willy. So join the gang as try their damnedest to keep their feet on the ground. It’s a whirlwind of emotions as we go from scared to downright petrified.Want to help Zoe create a tornado-proof Zorb ball? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in an amateur storm-chaser’s life.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seven books about ways to pass the time if you’re stuck in a bathroom hiding from high winds.

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In which our heroes don their armour, access the nuclear strike codes, smear black greasepaint all over their faces and prepare to go to war. We examine decapitations of enemies, the motivation to create insect and arachnid destroying shoe-guns and ponder the ideal soundtrack for killing folk. Tessa asks what everyone would declare war on, Marley finds an enemy in her co-host and Zammit just wants the evil reign of pasta to be stopped, disastrous consequences be damned. So join the gang as they align themselves with their various causes, change their minds and try not to blow up the whole studio in the process. It’s chaos and you can bet there will be casualties. Want to help us build a bomb shelter? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality of our protective gear.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least six book about tanks, three on bug sprays and surprisingly nice on bug spray tanks.

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In which our heroes get rowdy, row a few longboats and then attempt to pillage every town in sight while we discuss vikings. We try to figure out the best way to raze a village, discuss the logistics of a suicide pact to sneak into Valhalla and then inevitably just go back to killing horses. Jackson attempts to cripple himself so he can enjoy non-stop feasts, Tessa re-discovers the long lost Viking proverb; ‘eat, sleep, rave, repeat’ and Marley just wants to have the best hair ever. So join the gang as they attempt to appease the Blood God for their own personal gain and be as metal as humanly possible. Make sure you’re prepared for battle or you too may end up like Ivan the Boneless, you know, lacking your bones and stuff.Want to help Jackson lose both his legs without seeing a single battle? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in him enjoying an eternal feast.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio - there’s probably at least seven books about the benefits of pillaging.

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In which our heroes put batteries in their EVPs, holster their dowsing rods and become drenched in ectoplasm as they discuss ghosts. The team spook themselves as they share their own haunting tales of survival while items in the studio start flying around on their own accord. Joel firmly denies the existence of otherworldly presences, Jackson recounts his encounter with The Ninks Road Ghost Horse and Marley just wants clarification she’s not seeing things. So join the gang as they play with a ouija board and try to make contact with the other side. It’s a mind opening experience of 3D ghosts, spewing spiritualists and shadow birds. You may be lucky enough to be a Witch Survivor too, no promises though.Want to help Sanspants Paranormal Investigators get off the ground? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the high rates of sentient bath slime ravaging your hometown.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least one hundred books about culture specific ghosts and their one weird flaw.

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In which our heroes climb to the top of the wardrobe in search of Lincoln’s headwear of choice, and snap the brims of their baseball caps while we chat about hats. We examine the use of buckets as headgear when working outdoors, which animal would make the best multipurpose hat, and whether or not snapping turtles and cacti are the same thing. Jackson wants to know the real reasons hats were invented, Zoe floats the idea of having a ‘board boy’ on retainer and Tessa just wants revenge on Hitler for ruining Charlie Chaplin’s facial hair. So join the gang as they put on their best bonnets, knit themselves new beanies and battle to create the best updated top hat. It’s going to be a hat-astrophe and we are sorry for that pun. Want to help Zoe create her microwave top hat? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our milliner fees.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio - there’s probably at least thirteen books about the paper hats inside christmas crackers.

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In which our heroes protect their soft shells, carefully scuttle barefoot across the sand, wave our pincers in the air like we just don’t care and discuss crabs. We look into job opportunities available outside of the ocean, the feasibility of crab-type Pokemon in reality and how a crab’s mouth may be a portal to Hell. Jackson imagines what a crab lifestyle would be like in terms of medical care upon sprouting a shell, Tessa relives her childhood trauma of being mauled by a cranky crustacean and Duscher just wants to keep earning strikes by referencing the other type of crabs. So join the gang as they venture under the sea, down where it’s wetter, looking for adventures and trying to avoid allergic reactions. It’s delicious with butter and just a little salt. Want to help Jackson live his dream of being Dr Crabby? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in helping crabs to start their own side businesses.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least twelve books about Human/Mermaid erotica.

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In which our heroes brace for impact, work on their catch phrases, fail to do cool-guy walks away from explosions and discuss cheesy action movies. We look at Whoopi Goldberg’s secret history with dinosaurs cops, the best 80s theme song and why anyone would use a hang-glider as a getaway vehicle. Jackson wants to know why bus drivers in real life never look like Sandra Bullock, Zoe ponders how effective segways would be in a chase sequence and special guest Nick Capper just wants a therapy sheep. So join the gang as they try desperately to reload their weapons in slow motion and refuse to work with anyone but Marlon Brando or the best chimp alternative. It’s loud, filled with cliches and you can bet there’ll be at least one montage.??If you're a local you can see more of Nick Capper at 10.45pm every Thursday, Friday and Saturday of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival at the Portland Hotel or find him @capperflapper on twitter.Want to help us rebuild the studio after that sweet explosion that was completely unnecessary to the plot? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality where we record.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eight autobiographies dealing with highly sought after chimp actors that were inevitably replaced by Marlon Brando.

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In which our heroes put on their protective smocks, channel their inner Bob Ross, forget to rinse their paintbrushes after use and talk about all things art. We discuss the inevitable emo-art-teenage-journal phase, the harsh censorship that comes with self expression and make surprising references to Coldplay. Marley struggles to take the interview questions seriously, Zammit reminisces about the six months he spent in art school and Tessa just wants people to understand her deep angsty emotions. So join the gang as they bust out the glitter paint, give the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel a makeover and play poker with Zammit’s bondage-themed deck of cards. It’s messy, inspiring and more than a little cringeworthy upon further inspection.Want to help Marley and Tessa track down Zammit’s folio? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in a former art student’s life.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least four books entitled The Joy Of Painting.

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In which our heroes order a martini, take a sip, realise that maybe this spy gig really isn’t for them and wonders if anyone is interested in state secrets. We find the endless possibilities of bobby pins, the most unlikely (and unsuccessful) spies and finally acknowledge the superiority of Agent Cody Banks. Jackson admires the resilience of seagulls, Zoe is using tape worms to bring down villains and Aaron just wants to clean his teeth at any given moment. So join the gang as they load up their secret radios and shoe phones as they try and teach a seal to wait tables, but in a spy way. It’s got MI6, the CIA and ASIO re-evaluating their recruiting methods. Want to help replace Jackson’s teeth with lasers? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in spy dentistry. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least four books about James Bond in retirement.

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In which our heroes travel the high seas, walk the plank and wear eye patches to discuss pirates. We embellish on the time honoured tradition of piracy by stealing witches, catapulting tigers, replacing peg legs with elephant feet, piercing ears for health benefits and stealing tea from the British. Zammit tries to work out if whales can be interchange for horses, Marley is getting passionate about Pippi Longstocking and Aaron just wants a giant ass on the front of his pirate ship. So join the gang as they scrub the deck, plunder for loot and blow the man down. Shiver me timbers, it’s a yo ho ho time so please pass the rum. Want to help Zammit add to his pirate menagerie? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality of life for tigers and cats dressed up in knitted tiger suits. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least one book about how to speak pirate.

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