Shut up a Second

In which our heroes drink some holy water, eat a clove of garlic and try to stab themselves in the heart as they discuss vampires. We look at the dangers of drinking 80s blood, examine the difference between sheep and vampires, and express our appreciation for Robert Pattison. Jackson wishes he was a caveman vampire, Zoe gets XXX and Blade confused, and Duscher just wants to share his simple method of categorising animals. So join the gang as they try to avoid the sun, work hard to get their vampire brides and get invited into your house. Vampires are clearly a nighttime monster. Want to help the gang track down a real vampire? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in keeping them busy.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least forty-three books about categorising animals, plants and things by the tried and true Joel Duscher nighttime/daytime method.

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In which our heroes put on their scrubs, sharpen their scalpels, try not to gag at the sight of blood and discuss surgery. We tell the story of Face-Off, bond over terrifying experiences of waking up during surgery and inevitably talk far too much about Robocop. Zammit ponders a life-swap with Billy Joel, Zoe finds herself pressured to join the Joel club, despite her dream of being married to Kanye and Duscher just wants to swap faces with Zammit so they can keep their names. So join the gang as they try to use medical science to improve their lives, no matter how little the payoff. It’s bloody, cutting edge and bound to require stitches. Want to help Zoe recreate Face-Off with Kim Kardashian? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the amount of fake tan we can afford.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixty-eight books about faking your way through med school.

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In which our heroes get caught in a web, become trapped like flies and struggle to break free as we discuss the terrifying creepy crawly that is spiders. We try to imagine eating spiders, wonder where a goat would expel silk, and sympathise with the people forced to deal with ghost trees. Jackson misremembers something he once heard about frogs, Tessa wonders how thick web really is, and Zoe just wants nothing to do with spiders ever. So look out for decoy spiders, high five your local huntsman, and try not to get bit by a whitetail, after all, the optimal amount of legs is two or four. Not eight. Eight is gross.Want to help spider-proof the studio? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help keep our headphones web-free.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books about becoming a spiderman.

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In which our heroes are made an offer they can’t refuse, get fitted for their concrete boots and end up sleeping with the fishes as they discuss Crime Part II: The Mafia. We wonder what the correct procedure is for waking up next to a horse’s head, ask if Danny Deckchair has any boob in it and recount the time one of us almost ended up working for the mafia. Tessa wants to know where she can sign up, Jackson surmises that he would get the man who vouched for him instantly murdered, and special guest Brendan McCallum just wants to be a driver. So join the gang as they officially become made men, inevitable have to whack a guy and try their hardest to not rat on each other because snitches get stitches. Want to help hire body guards for Jackson? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help save this man’s life when Sugar Station eventually tracks him down.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least three books about understanding and appreciating Godfather Part III.To see what Brendan looks like and subsequently watch the very first episode of Pit head to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeIjbBaHzuw and enjoy the free show!

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In which our heroes slam a shot of tequila, baste a chicken and make a sour juice all while avoiding scurvy as we discuss lemons, and in turn, lemonade. We discuss terrifying hypotheticals involving replacing body parts with lemons, practice painting our backwards letters for a lemonade stand sign and end up comparing different types of fruits. Jackson stands his ground as a lemon and grapefruit juice enthusiast, Tessa has a limited threshold for citrus outside of tequila shots and Zoe just wants to rage against pandas for being useless and not nearly as useful as a mandarin. So join the gang as they forget to add sugar, get cursed by a gypsy and leave everyone with lemon-mouth. Want to help us start a lemonade stand on Brunswick Street? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality of an ice cold beverage on a hot day.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixteen books about enhancing your meringues with lemons.And if you want to help our mate Robert, head to http://www.alexslemonade.org/mypage/1136809 and make him run 243 miles, which we are assuming is a lot, but we honestly have no idea because we use the metric system unlike those savages in the U.S.

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In which our heroes remove their skin, polish their bones, and make their best creaking sounds as we discuss skeletons. We discover the downsides of having no body or connective tissue, attempt to turn ribcages into musical instruments, and question the genuine spookiness of your garden variety skelly. Jackson confuses human anatomy with sport, Marley has the strongest legs of all time and Duscher just wants to find all the coins and frozen peas under the fridge. So join the gang as they delve skull first into the world of blood and bones, hassle the dead, and try and get a handle on that one thing inside all of us. Our skeleton. It’s our skeleton.Want to help tell Hollywood how to improve skeletons? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in making bones spikey. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixteen books about getting rid of the spooky skeleton that resides inside us all.

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In which our heroes go bananas, become the apple of everyone’s eye and get their melons out as we discuss fruit. We learn how strawberries are racist, that Donald Glover is the human embodiment of grapes, the true origin of the word orange and the curious relationship Romans had with tomatoes. Duscher finds a new, exciting use for baby corn, Tessa can’t choose which is the most superior of fruits and Jackson just wants to watch banana crops burn. So join the gang as they get good and juicy and find a world of new possibilities for fruit other than eating. It’s a fruit salad of a good time. Want to help find the missing banana? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference worldwide banana appreciation.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least forty-eight books arguing what a tomato is.

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In which our heroes slither along the ground on their bellies, get milked for anti-venom, swallow mice whole and digest them over the next few days as we discuss snakes. We ask who would win in a fight between a tiger snake, a tiger shark and a tiger tiger, the benefits of using vomit as a defence tactic, and how to screw over a government with snakes. Marley keeps up a healthy hatred of snakes, Tess wants a tail to flirt with and Zammit just wants to wrassle these legless lizards. So join the gang as they coil up in a corner, strike at anything that moves and shed their skin while trying to become a handbag and matching shoes. It’s venomously amusing. Want to help Marley on her mission to educate the world on the true side of snakes? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in making sure no one likes them.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least two books about warming up snakes blood with hugs.

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In which our heroes put on their finest frocks, adjust their sparkly tiaras, wait to be rescued by a dashing prince and discuss the majestic world of princesses. We look at what it takes to be considered a true Disney princess, whether Belle has it better with Prince Adam in man or beast form, and what happens when a princess eventually becomes a queen. Jackson laments the fact that he will most likely never be invited to a ball, Marley contemplates the royal dinner menu and Tessa just wants to channel her own Sleeping Beauty and catch a few z’s. So join the gang as they try to keep both their shoes on, avoid solving their own problems by hiring a butler and try to survive high school while learning to rule a kingdom. It’s a royal engagement you won’t want to miss! Want to help Jackson attend a royal ball? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our baby boy prince’s life!And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least twenty-three books about how to better identify your own handsome prince.

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In which our heroes get slathered in chocolate, burn their mouths biting into a hot jam donut, and get a brain freeze from eating too much ice-cream as we discuss desserts. We take death by chocolate a little too literal, look into the history of Baby Cop’s Sugar Squad and try to figure out why anyone would build a house made out of gingerbread. Jackson wants to know what the worst dessert related death would be, Tessa is confused by the rules of Chubby Bubby’ and Duscher just wants to know who let Baby Cop into the crime scene in the first place. So join the gang as they bust out the ice-cream scoops, bake some cupcakes and try their hand at jelly moulding. It’s sickly sweet and surprisingly delicious.Want to help us create the pilot of NCIS: Sugar Squad? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in solving dessert related crimes.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least two books about sugar-free desserts. Which is two too many to be honest.

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