Andy Staples of Sports Illustrated joins us at the last minute to take Jason's spot. Where is Jason? Jason was at Disney World, and needs several weeks to recover from the experience. This seems like a paltry amount of time for this, but he's a soldier and we can't keep him away from the front lines for long.

Topics covered include:

--The time Andy yelled "IRON" in Italian at terrified Florentines until someone finally sold him one for 19 euros

--How to care about anything in what might be the driest, most boring offseason college football has ever known (A: you can't, really)

--Why the Department of Justice has solved every major issue facing this country

--A brief discussion of how USC might be one of the most incompetent athletic departments in the country and yet still get bailed out by resources, beautiful surroundings, and UCLA never caring enough to be good

--Which conference will be the first to construct a giant monster truck made entirely of Mini Coopers? (Texas, it's gonna be Texas.)

--Yet more epic tales of poor and stupid living from Alachua County

--The unveiling of the Andy Staples Perpetual Motion BBQ machine

--The first and only edition of "Joel Osteen or Mack Brown?"

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