Think of the Pac-12 North as a summer backyard meal at your friend's house. Cal is the napkins, noteworthy only if they don't show up for some reason and the gimme item you assign to your least trustworthy guest. Oregon State, you're potato salad. Totally fine to ignore rather than risk getting food poisoning. Wazzu is the hard liquor your cousin brought even thought you said BEER ONLY GOD DEREK DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM LAST YEAR. Oregon's flag cake - might be better than you expect, but let's keep the ceiling appropriately moderate and if this is the best thing there, something went very wrong. That leaves Stanford and Washington. They're burgers and hot dogs. Which is to say we don't know which one's actually better, we just want to gorge.

At least one of these metaphors is in this episode! The others are just free bonus content. You're very welcome.

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