November 28

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For years, my life was spent struggling with sleep and getting out of bed. I always said I was a night owl and that I did my best work at night. The problem is, I never did any work at night. When I was drinking, I got drunk and watched television or shows on Netflix until I passed out. When I got sober, I still struggled with sleeping. Falling asleep was one of the final pieces to my “life puzzle” that I could never figure out. When I was drinking, I had a solution, but take away the drink and the drugs, and I was seemingly out of options. On top of it all, my nightmares came back in my sobriety. What I learned was that I needed to address my depression. I needed to exercise, eat right, address my emotional needs, and develop a bedtime routine. I had to make going to bed an event! I had to change into pajamas and wind down. No nighttime caffeine at all. I had to change my physical space and get comfortable and settle in. And I had to do this every day. No exceptions. It took a while, but today, sleep is no longer the struggle it was in my past.

Reflections

Are you able to sleep? What can you do to prepare yourself for bed?

Daily Challenge

Get out of bed an hour earlier tomorrow. What would you do with an extra hour every morning?

November 27

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What do “they” say? If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. This type of saying is the thing that’s so easy to say to someone in their moments of failure. Unfortunately, it’s a little judgmental and begs the question, “How do I plan better next time?” Recently, someone threw out a thing at me called the “service design method,” where you ask what they call the “5 Whys.” The trick is, to be honest with your responses. This is how it goes:

Problem: I was late for work.

The root cause: I wanted to impress and be liked by my boss.

It’s almost comical that what I don’t want is almost the opposite of what I wanted in the first place. Isn’t it? Being late for work is not impressive.

Reflections

Do I plan my actions thoroughly?

Daily Challenge

Try running a recent problem through the “5 Whys.”

November 26

Worrying works! I have proven it! Why? Because 99.9% of the things I worry about never happen. It seems silly now. All the worry we do over something that will never happen can feel pointless. So much time and energy we put into things. The multiple scenarios and outcomes that we calculate and scheme over. And all the while, this worry takes us away from living today. How futile worry seems when you step back with some perspective after the fact. So, let’s try to worry less today by living more mindfully. The next time you find your thoughts tangled up in worry, take a deep breath and look at your surroundings. Try to be here right now. And just breathe as you look around you. Then, try to recall the worry you were just concerned about. Say the Serenity Prayer slowly. Think of every word and attempt to decipher or break apart every sentence and word. What does it make you think and feel? Soon, you might find yourself focused on the here and now.

Reflections

Am I lost in the future with worry, or living in the here and now?

Daily Challenge

Have you read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous cover to cover? Try it.

November 25

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The past will always be the past. You can’t change it. What happened for whatever circumstances will be what it is. We cannot change what happens to us, but we can change how we respond. Be honest about it. Face the adversity and the situations for what they were and for what they are currently. You have a choice today to use the courage you have cultivated and make better decisions about where to apply your energy and time. The past and its hauntings can seem overwhelming, but don’t let it steal your time today. From deaths to abuse, from infidelity to mental torture, we can relive and replay those memories and continue to be torn up from our past. On the other hand, we can also seek to create new memories in the here and now. It’s not easy. We must process what has happened. Some things take more time to digest and sink in than others. But we can and should try to move toward the best we can accomplish at this moment. Right here. Right now.

Reflections

What will you do today to better manage your feelings about the past?

Daily Challenge

Pick that emotional scab a little more. Clean those wounds as needed.

November 24

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No excuses. Not today. Since you got into recovery, you have been given every opportunity to step into the life that the Universe has provided you. In recent months, every opportunity has been shown to you on how to grow and thrive. This is the truth of it. Deep down, you know it to be true. No matter how many things have been given to you, you probably didn’t do all you could to capitalize on these moments of opportunity. We all hesitate. We all sit back at times and wait for “something better,” or we think it’s “just not the right time.” Whatever your varied reasons, the fact that we all procrastinate to a certain degree can’t be dismissed. Today, your ability to enrich your journey of this life is completely in your hands and in your own mind. Again, no excuses. Today, get to it. Grow. Thrive. Get on with the business of living.

Reflections

No excuses. Ah! Don’t even think about it! No fucking excuses!

Daily Challenge

Go where the Universe takes you. Let it ride!

November 23

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On control:

"The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where, then, do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…" – Epictetus

Reflections

Many smart people talk and write about control. Hmm… I wonder why that is?

Daily Challenge

Take a minute to think about “control” and why it matters.

November 22

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Fuck this one-day-at-a-time crap! Fuuuuuccckkk!!! It sucks ass! Doesn’t it? Some days we simply have to grit our teeth and bear the result of a totally shit day. I envisioned myself tied to the ship’s mast in a heavy storm in my early sobriety on days like these. It’s like the end of the movie “The Truman Show,” where Jim Carrey’s character ties himself to a boat that is getting pummeled by the giant waves. Still, he shouts at God, declares/challenges that he will keep going, and even asks for more! Some days, our days (or weeks) in sobriety will be just like that. The trick is to not give up. And not giving up is all great, but the even bigger trick is to have the balls to ask for more.

Reflections

Are things getting rough? Are you prepared to not give up and ask for more at the same time?

Daily Challenge

Go to bed. Take a nap. Relax. But don’t give up.

November 21

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“My name is Carl, and I am an addict/alcoholic.” – Carl D.

Your recovery status is nobody’s business but your own. You don’t need to share it with anyone if you don’t want to. And if you do want to, you should be prepared for judgment and criticism. This may come from those who simply don’t understand. Having been open with my own recovery in the past, I had been treated poorly because of my decision to reveal my status. For some people, it’s not a badge of honor but a reason to look down on us. So yes, the stigma associated with saying you’re an addict or alcoholic can and still does exist regardless of how many times they portray it on prime-time television. No matter how good you are or have been since you got sober, other people will see you differently the minute you tell them that you had a problem with drugs and alcohol. Maybe we’ve said it before, but the only one who really needs to know if you’re an addict or alcoholic is you.

Reflections

Have I entirely accepted that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol?

Daily Challenge

Share with a newcomer about your powerlessness. Ask them about their experience. Listen.

November 20

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When I first got sober, I heard an old-timer say in a meeting, “Buy a suit. You’re gonna be going to many weddings and many more funerals.” That’s the truth. In the last eight years or so, I have had the opportunity to witness a couple of people get married, but a whole lot more people die. Some died sober, and others not so sober, but dead all the same. In my drinking and using days, I had isolated myself from this type of joy and pain. I had avoided the highest and lowest parts of real life. Soon you will be getting to know that old man or the sweet lady next to you in those chairs. It will be some of the most touching moments of your life. To see people come back to life and truly live. Some will invite you to celebrations full of love and happiness that will make your heart burst, and with others, you will be invited to celebrate their passing. Either way, you’re gonna need a nice dress or suit.

Reflections

Am I afraid of feeling too happy or too sad?

Daily Challenge

Know your jacket or dress size. Memorize it just in case a good deal comes along.

November 19

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Got an email from a gentleman with whom I had minimal interactions. The dude got all uppity with me and started insisting I do one thing or another. The “old me” would have driven thirty miles to punch him in the face, but the “new me” read the email with the understanding that the guy had problems. In one of our previous exchanges, he talked about not being able to meet because of his mother being ill. As emails went on, this information got tucked away and was not immediately relevant. Not relevant until this man starts getting pushy and bossy a few months later. You see, what I saw between the lines was that he was potentially hurt by the loss of his mother. I could have taken it personally, but it’s not personal. It’s never as personal as you initially imagined it to be. What I didn’t do was cut him down with my tongue or plan to hurt him. I felt pity for the man, and I had to remember that when we are in pain, the only thing that can truly heal us is the love of another human being.

Reflections

Am I being loving today? Not that fake shit either.

Daily Challenge

Pick up the phone and apologize if you think you should.