Social Skills Coaching

Finally, we come to defense of the ego. This is one of our most powerful motivators, but it is mostly unconscious. Simply put, we act to guard our ego from anything that would make us feel psychologically less. In doing so, it is so powerful that it allows us to bend reality and lie to ourselves and others—all outside of our conscious awareness. Defense mechanisms are the ways that we avoid responsibility and negative feelings, and they include denial, rationalization, projection, sublimation, regression, displacement, repression, and reaction formation, to name a few. When you know the ego is in play, it often takes front stage over other motivations.

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• At this point in the book, you may have a better understanding of how to reach your goal of mating. However, in reality, your goal is sustained mating within a relationship. How can you make sure the sex is good enough to do that?

• Many sex tips focus on either specific techniques or exploring kinks to improve your sex life, but that’s not what really matters. Studies have shown eight specific elements of great sex: presence, connection, intimacy, communication, authenticity, bliss, exploration, and vulnerability. This is empowering because it means literally everyone has the ability to be a great lover; it just takes time, energy, and attention.

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#DarkerFetishes #EmotionalBond #Intimacy #Kleinplatz #ResearcherPeggyKleinplatz #ActsOfTheAmorousNature #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheScienceofAttraction

The last way we must struggle to keep an open mind and clarity of thought is concerning our social influences. The people around us can determine what we think and do, no matter how hard we try. This was proved in the Asch Conformity Test and the Milgram Shock Experiment. It doesn’t matter how open-minded you are; your environment can push you strongly in one way despite your best intentions.

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#Asch #AschConformityExperiment #ConfirmationBias #Conformity #Milgram #SolomonAsch #StanleyMilgrams #SwarthmoreCollege #YaleUniversity #BattleSocialInfluence #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheIndependentThinker

Next, we move to the pyramid of needs, otherwise known as Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It states that we are all seeking various types of needs in various points in our lives; when you can observe which level other people are in, you can understand what they are seeking out and motivated by. The levels of the hierarchy are as follows: physiological fulfillment, safety, love and belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization. Of course, this model, as well as the next one, also functions based on the pleasure principle.

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#AbrahamMaslow #InterpersonalRelationships #Maslow #PhysicalSafety #PhysiologicalFulfillment #Selfactualization #ThePyramidOfNeeds #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoReadPeopleLikeaBook

Despite our own internal confusions, there are certain scientifically proven traits we do seek in mates that are more related to biological imperatives. We are subconsciously drawn to excitement and arousal, fulfilling gender-specific arousal triggers, a sense of humor, and masculine and feminine voices.

Research shows that while smiling and expressing happiness can make people like and trust you, when it comes to relationships and dating, this is not always the case: men find smiling, happy women most sexually attractive, but women tend to rate as more attractive those men who express pride (i.e., competence and self-assuredness) and shame (lowered gaze and awareness of social norms). At least initially, expressing happiness is theorized to convey a lack of status or dominance.

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#AlecBeall #Beall #EmotionalMaturity #Selflessness #SelflessnessIsSexy #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheScienceofAttraction

The four principles of Marshall Rosenberg’s non-violent communication are: observations, feelings, needs, and requests, in that order. First make neutral observations instead of judgmental evaluations. Next, seek to explore feelings and not opinions. Be careful about using “you” statements or attributing blame, and instead take responsibility for your own experience. Next, connect your feelings with any unmet needs with the format: “I feel X because I need Y.” Finally, end with a respectful and reasonable request focused on your needs.

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#Communicate #Communication #ConflictResolutions #EffectiveCommunication #Listening #MarshallRosenbergs #NonviolentCommunication #NonviolentCommunicationFramework #ListeningAndNonviolentCommunication #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #IntentionalCommunication

Any discussion on motivation must begin with the pleasure principle, which generally states that we move toward pleasure and move away from pain. If you think about it, this is omnipresent in our daily lives in both minuscule and huge ways. As such, this actually makes people more predictable to understand. What is the pleasure people are seeking, and what is the pain they are avoiding? It’s always there in some way.

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#Motivation #PleasurePainPrinciple #PleasurePrinciple #OurInnerChildStillLives #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoReadPeopleLikeaBook

Despite our own internal confusions, there are certain scientifically proven traits we do seek in mates that are more related to biological imperatives. We are subconsciously drawn to excitement and arousal, fulfilling gender-specific arousal triggers, a sense of humor, and masculine and feminine voices.

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#AlbrightCollege #Arousal #ArthurAron #Attraction #AttractiveFemale #BiologicalDifferences #DesirableTraits #DonaldDutton #EmilyNagoski #FemaleSexualArousal #GenderDifference #PhysicalArousal #ResponsiveSexualArousal #SexualArousal #DrSusanHughes #TriggersForAttractionAndArousal #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheScienceofAttraction

Immersing yourself in someone else’s equally valid reality is harder than it looks, and so we need to routinely test our own assumptions. We need to ask people questions and challenge our own assumptions about what they think or feel or how we attribute their actions. Psychologizing people is a way we can believe we’re listening compassionately, but actually we’re forcing our interpretation or worldview onto another person instead of genuinely listening to their experience.

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#CompassionateConcern #ConstructiveFeedback #GoodListener #HarmfulAssumptions #IntentionalCommunication #MentalModels #QuestionYourself.QuestionOthers. #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #IntentionalCommunication

Confirmation bias is also the most prominent way that we fail to simply follow the evidence. If we perform research and keep an open mind, our task is simple: just follow the arrows where they point. But all too often, we are seduced into following the wrong arrows. These include the cognitive distortions of focusing on “must” and “should”, black-and-white thinking, the Dunning-Kruger Effect, and labeling.

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#ConfirmationBias #DavidDunning #DunningKrugerEffect #IndependentThinker #InterpersonalCommunications #JustinKruger #Kruger #It’SOkayToBeUncertain #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TheIndependentThinker