Something's Burning

It’s a dream episode when Bert’s favorite band, Goose, swings by the Something’s Burning kitchen. And, while he’s dishin’ out paella – they’re dishin’ about their music, lyrics, and life. There’s laughter, uncomfortable crying, and a private concert that may or may not have been consensual.

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SEAFOOD PAELLA

Ingredients:

* 8 cloves of garlic

* 1 1/3 cup of chopped shallots

* 4 lemons

* 2 red or green chili peppers

* 2 cups baby plum tomatoes

* Few handfuls of fresh parsley

* Smoked Mussels 

* Langoustines

* Squid

* Clams

* Thick slices of seabass

* Pinch of saffron

* 6 2/3 cups fish stock and/or vegetable stock

* 2 2/3 cups paella rice

* 2 Red Peppers

* 2 Orange or yellow peppers

* 1 ¼ cups white wine

* 4 TBS olive oil

* 4 TBS smoked paprika

* 2 tsp salt

* 4 tsp cracked pepper

* 1 cup sofrito

Steps:

1. 1 TBS olive oil in pan over medium-high heat. Add shallots, garlic and chili, and fry for 4 minutes

2. Add rice, smoked paprika, peppers, and half of the parsley. Fry for 2 minutes.

3. Add the wine and tomatoes and simmer for a few minutes for wine to reduce. Add ¼ cup of stock and saffron. Continue adding more stock as it reduces down.

4. Add shrimp, mussels, crab meat, squid, langoustines, and seabass and simmer for 5 minutes.

5. Add sofrito to pan

6. Add salt and pepper to taste.

7. Squeeze lemon juice over and mix together.

Sofrito

-1 Yellow onion

-2 cloves garlic

-1/2 green bell pepper

-1/2 cup red wine

-2 28 oz cans of whole tomatoes, drained

-1 spring rosemary

-1/2 tsp fine grain sea salt

-Olive oil

1. Heat oil and cook onions. Add garlic, green bell pepper, cooking until soft

2. Add wine and let evaporate

3. Stir in tomatoes, rosemary and salt simmering for 50 minutes. Remove rosemary.

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On this throwback episode of Something’s Burning, Brad Williams and Adam Ray come over and we drink each other under the table. There’s not enough steak, potatoes or mini-bloomin’ onions to absorb all the alcohol… Chaos ensues when I cut my hand, we start a fire, and SOMEONE falls off their stool.

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STEAK, TWICE BAKED POTATOES AND MINI BLOOMIN’ ONIONS

Steaks:

Ingredients:

40 oz Tomahawk Steak 38 Day Dry-Aged

18 oz Bone-in Ribeyes Dry Aged 28 days

10 oz Prime Filet Mignon Wet Aged 28 days

All pre-season, already salted

Butter

Salt

Pepper

Steps:

Cook all the meats

Twice Baked Potatoes

Ingredients:

1 stick butter

½ cup bacon bits

½ cup sour cream

½ cup cheese

½ cup milk

Seasoned salt

Green onions

Black pepepr

Steps:

1. Cut each potato in half length wise and scrape out inside

2. Smash inside of potatoes with 1 stick of butter, bacon bits and sour cream then mix in cheese, milk, salt, onions, and pepper

3. Fill potato shells with filling, top with more cheese, and bake at 250 for 15-20 minutes

Bloomin’ Onion

Ingredients:

2 ½ cups flour

1 tsp cayenne

2 tbs paprika

½ tsp thyme

½ tsp oregano

½ tsp cumin

Black pepper

2 eggs

1 cup whole milk

1 cup water

Steps:

1. Mix dry ingredients in bowl

2. Mix wet ingredients into separate bowl

3. Cut onion and pour flour mixture on top, cover with bowl, and shake

4. Submerge onion into egg mixture, then back into flour mixture

5. Fry onion for about 3 minutes, flip, and fry for another 3 minutes

Bloomin Onion Dip

Mix the following together:

2 tbs mayonnaise

2 Tbs sour cream

1 ½ tsp ketchup

½ tsp Worcestershire sauce

1 tbs drained horseradish

¼ tsp paprika

Pinch of cayenne

Salt

Pepper

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Bert’s getting his own private concert when legends Rick Springfield and Richard Marx stop by the kitchen for some sushi and a serenade. Bert gets a little peak into their friendship and what their show must be like – and he LOVES everything about it. They drink and dish out the stories behind the songs… and who really WAS Jessie’s Girl.

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Oma’kinda, Sushi Bundt Cake and Jessie’s Girl Cocktail

Rainbow Roll California Mix Bundt cake

Ingredients:

* Sushi Shrimp

* Sushi Rice

* Salmon

* Akami

* Madai

* Ora King

* Hamachi

* Seaweed salad with octopus and shrimp

* Miso Soup

* Miso Marinated Black Cod

Instructions:

1. Combine crab mix with jalapenos and green onions

2. Place saran wrap into mold and add a layer of rice

3. Add in a layer of California crab mix

4. Layer in avocado and cucumber

5. Finish with a final layer of rice

6. Flip and remove mold

7. Add a layer fish on top, drizzle spicy mayo and furikake

Seaweed salad with octopus and shrimp

1. Mix all of the seaweed contents in a mixing bowl

2. Plate seaweed in a small bowl and add slices of shrimp and octopus

3. Add slices of lemon and sesame seeds

Miso Soup with bit of fish

1. Chop extra fish from Bundt cake into small pieces then place raw fish into small bowl

2. Bring soup to a boil and pour hot soup into bowls

3. Add green onions

Miso marinated black cod

1. Pre-heat oven to 380

2. Smear room temp butter onto aluminum foil

3. Place pieces of cod on the buttered foil, skin side up

4. Cook for 12 minutes

5. Raise oven temp. to 450 and cook 2 minutes

6. Serve with pickled ginger on the side

Sashimi Sauce

Ingredients:

* 1 TBS Orange juice

* 2 TBS Soy sauce

* 1 TBS lime juice

Steps:

1. Mix all ingredients together.

2. Drizzle over fish

Jessie’s Girl Cocktail

Ingredients:

* 1 ½ oz Sammy’s Beach Bar Platinum Rum

* 1 ½ oz fresh pineapple juice

* 1 oz Sweet & Sour Mix

* ½ oz triple sec

* ¼ oz grenadine

* Fresh orange and pineapple wedges

Steps:

1. Shake ingredients in a mixer with ice.

2. Pour over ice and garnish with orange and pineapple wedges

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In this season-one-walk-down-memory-lane, the Super Troopers (Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan) come by the kitchen to give me my flowers for helping on the movie. They also give me a hand making homemade McGriddles and help me with my branding. Apparently, I need a catchphrase.

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Homemade McGriddles and Hashbrowns

Ingredients:

* Potatoes

* 1 cup maple syrup

* Kosher salt

* Black pepper

* ½ tsp paprika

* Eggs

* 1 cup and 2 TBS flour

* 2 TBS sugar

* 2 tsp baking powder

* 1 Cup milk

* 2 TBS melted butter

* Olive Oil

* Ground Sausage

Steps:

Syrup Crystals

1. Heat syrup over medium heat while stirring until thick then pour onto a chilled plate for syrup to crystalize

Hashbrowns:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Rub potatoes with oil and salt then bake for 45 minutes

3. Shred cooked potatoes with box grater and add salt, pepper, paprika and 1 beaten egg

4. Add 2 TBS flour, stirring together, then create ½-inch thick patties

5. Pan fry patties then let them dry on paper towels

Sausage Patties:

1. Form patties and fry in a skillet

Pancake Buns:

1. Whisk together 1 cup flour, sugar, baking powder and ½ teaspoon salt

2. In a separate bowl, whisk milk, butter, and 1 egg

3. Add dry ingredients to the milk mixture and whisk until it is just combined

4. Crumble the maple crystals into pieces. Cook buns in molds filling up halfway with batter then adding syrup crystals, then topping with batter

Eggs:

1. Cook eggs any way

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Comedy couple Chad Daniels and Kelsey Cook stop by the kitchen to chat about peanuts and podcasts while I make a killer pretzel potpie. Kelsey’s got some breaking news that changes everything and we also talk a LOT about ball sacks.

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PRETZEL POT PIE

Ingredients:

* 2 TBS unsalted butter

* 1 medium yellow onion, chopped

* 3 medium carrots, chopped

* 2 stalks celery, chopped

* ¼ cup all-purpose flour

* 2 ½ cups chicken broth

* Kosher salt

* 2 cups shredded cooked chicken

* ½ cup frozen peas, thawed and drained

* 2 TBS chopped fresh parsley

* ½ cup baking soda

* 1 ½ pounds refrigerated pizza dough room temp

* 1 large egg

* ½ tsp pretzel salt

* Pie crust

Steps:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Place pie crust into pie pan

3. Melt butter in pan and add onion. Stir in celery and carrots. Add flour, stirring to coat veggies. Add broth and salt and pepper. Simmer until thick.

4. Stir in chicken, peas and parsley then add mixture to pie pan

5. Put baking soda, 2 tsp kosher salt, and 8 cups of water in a pot and bring to a boil

6. Form pretzels with Pizza dough

7. Cook pretzels in water for 30 seconds, flip and cook another 30 seconds

8. Arrange pretzels on top of pie mixture. Whisk together egg and 1 tbs water in a bowl then brush onto pretzels, sprinkle with pretzel salt

9. Bake for 45 minutes

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YouTube personality Grace Helbig and comedian Brooks Wheelan pop into the kitchen for some gyoza, sake bombs, and pressing questions… things like “is it cooler to be a stoner or a drunk…?” and “how disgusting is Jersey, really?” Plus, Bert surprises everyone with some pretty delicious food.

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Gyoza

Ingredients for Gyoza:

-Napa Cabbage

-2 tsp salt

-Shrimp

-3 Cloves of garlic

-1 tsp ginger

-5 green onions

-5 pounds ground pork

-2 tsp sugar

-Dumpling wrappers

-½ cup water

-Vegetable oil

-Cheesecloth

Steps:

1. Finely shred cabbage and sprinkle with salt. Using the cheesecloth, wring out excess liquid from cabbage

2. Cut up shrimp

3. Mince garlic, ginger, and green onions

4. Combine all ingredients into a bowl and mix

5. Place 1tsp-2tbs of gyoza filling into wrapper, dip fingertip into water and moisten the edge of the wrapper to fold and form the dumpling

6. Heat oil in pan and fry gyoza

7. Steam gyoza by adding ½ water to pan and covering with lid

8. Double fry by removing the lid and cooking until again on the bottom

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Bert’s sisters, Kottie and Annie, and the Mollen sisters sit down to chat about family secrets, wedding songs, and who’s the funniest in the family… spoiler alert: it’s Bert. Plus, we’re putting a spin on one of Bert’s favorite dishes, Carbonara, adding a Korean kick.

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Tomato Bruschetta and Gochujang Carbonara

Ingredients for Bruschetta:

-3 Cups Cherry tomatoes

-1/2 ounce fresh basil

-Kosher salt and black pepper-1 loaf baguette or French loaf

-Extra virgin olive oil

-2-3 garlic cloves

-Balsamic glaze

Steps:

1. Cook tomatoes in oil for 2-3 minutes, then add garlic, salt and pepper

2. Slice bread into ½ inch pieces and brush one side with oliva oil

3. Cook oiled side of bread in cast-iron pan

4. Brush top of bread with olive oil, flip, and cook other side

5. Spoon cooked tomatoes onto each slice of bread and top with balsamic and basil

Ingredients for Gochujang Carbonara:

-3 ounces parmesan cheese

-2 tbs gochujang

-1 tbs rice vinegar

-1 tsp honey

-3 garlic cloves

-2 medium scallions

-8 ounces pancetta

-1 tbs canola oil

-1 LBS dry spaghetti

-4 large egg yolks

-Kosher salt

-2 tsp ground pepper

Steps:

1. Combine gochujang, rice vinegar, honey into small bowl

2. Dice the pancetta and cook in oil in a skillet. Then remove all but ¼ of the remaining fat from pan

3. Add garlic and scallions to the skillet, cook until golden brown, then add gochujang mixture

4. Cook spaghetti. While spaghetti is cooking, whisk together egg yolks, then add parmesan, kosher salt, and black pepper

5. Transfer spaghetti to skillet with ¼ cup pasta water and toss until coasted in sauce. Slowly pour egg into spaghetti while tossing.

6. Turn heat to lowest setting and return pancetta to the skillet.

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On this throwback episode, Jeff Danis and Ryan O’Neill from the Danish and O’Neill stop by the kitchen for some questionable cuisine. We’re throwing the recipe away and winging it for some American-Style Poutine. We also talk about being a dad, which celebrity chef we would make out with all while concocting our very own Poutine Shot. And things get aggressively sweaty.

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Classic Poutine and Bert’s Breakfast of Champions Poutine

Ingredients:

-4 Tbs butter

-4 Tbs flour

-2 cans beef broth

-Eggs

-1/2 tsp garlic powder

-1 tsp onion powder

-4 Tbs ketchup

-4 tsp Dijon mustard

-4 tsp Worcestershire

-Salt

-Pepper

-Potatoes

-Cheese curds

-Cooking oil

Steps:

Gravy:

1. Melt butter

2. Add in flour and mix for two minutes

3. Whisk in beef broth

4. Add garlic powder, onion powder, ketchup, mustard, Worcestershire, salt and pepper and stir until thick

American Poutine:

1. Cut potatoes into 1/4-inch sticks and place in cold water for one hour

2. Fry potatoes in 350-degree oil, pull out, then drain

3. Double fry potatoes in 425-degree oil

4. Fry eggs

5. Top fries with gravy, cheese curds, and eggs

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The Nature Boy himself swings by the kitchen to chat with Sam Morril and Bert about the good ol’ wrestling days. He opens up about his son, his women, and his FLAIR. They’ll laugh, they’ll cry… and they’ll eat French Onion – inspired chicken with a side of Bodega Cat whiskey. Plus, he’s promo’ing the hell out of Sam’s new special. You should check it out, too.

Watch Sam's new hour special You've Changed on Amazon Prime https://amzn.to/3RVl3og

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On this blast from the past episode, Whitney Cummings and Michael Rapaport stop by for homemade pizza. I also get a lesson on why washing hands is important AND how to spell Michael’s name correctly. And Whitney’s reminding everyone that strong women STILL belong in the kitchen.

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Platter Pizza

Ingredients:

4 Cups Italian tipo “00” flour or bread flour

2 tsps. kosher salt

1 tsp active dry yeast

1 ½ cups water

Cooking spray

1 can whole peeled Italian tomatoes

4 tbs olive oil

Toppings:

Roasted Garlic

Green Peppers

Pepperoni

Onions

Basil Leaves

Black Olives

Green Olives

Red Peppers

Fennel

Buffalo Mozzarella

Dough Steps:

1. Combine flour, salt, and yeast

2. Add water to mix then knead dough

3. Cover bowl tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 8 hours

4. Divide dough into 4 sections into oil covered bowls, let sit at room temperature for 2 hours to rise

Sauce Steps:

1. Pulse tomatoes through food processor

Assemble Pizzas:

1. Stretch out dough ball on floured surface

2. Spread sauce, basil leaves, and olive oil onto dough

3. Add Toppings

4. Bake at 475 degrees for 5-7 minutes

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