What if you were just about to get divorced, but your partner gets sick? Like really sick? Rebecca Woolf was just about to leave an unhappy marriage when her husband got sick and died. What followed was a crash course in performative grief, and the dismantling of one life in order to build the next. In this epsiode, we cover love, sex, marriage, divorce, grief, shame, assumptions (both internal and external), and personal agency - it’s QUITE the conversation. Sensitivity note: this episode contains the F word, and references sex. 



In this episode we cover: 

The conventions of marriage and grief that trap people in inauthentic versions of themselves
How you can love someone AND be relieved they’re dead
Why everyone has an opinion about how soon is too soon to date, have sex, or otherwise live your life after someone dies
Grieving the time you lost living someone else’s life
Building your own “house of hope,” according to your own desires




Notable quotes: 
 
About our guest:
Rebecca Woolf has worked as a writer since her teens - it’s the way she understands both herself and the world. Her essays have appeared on Refinery29, Huffington Post, Parenting and more. She currently authors the bi-weekly column Sex &the; Single Mom on Romper.com. Her latest book, ALL OF THIS: a memoir of death and desire, hits the shelves this August, 2022. 
 
Find her on IG @rebeccawooolf (with three o’s) and at Rebeccawoolf.com
 
Additional resources
It can be hard to find information about grieving the loss of a complicated relationship (an abusive parent, or an estranged partner, for example). Check out this post on grieving people you didn’t always like. 
 
Get in touch:
 
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, and share the show with everyone you know. Talking about difficult things gets easier with practice, and that’s why we’re here. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right. 
Follow the show on TikTok @hereafterpod
Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co
 
For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co
 
For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, & TT 
 
Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sometimes Loss Is Freedom: A Conversation with Rebecca Woolf

Life is full of difficult things, from tiny everyday disappointments to life-altering events. Everyone’s at least a little bit Not OK, something grief expert and psychotherapist Megan Devine knows from the inside out. In wide ranging, insightful, deep conversations, Megan talks with people about their often invisible losses - and what they’ve learned about being seen and supported in difficult times. 
With guests pulled from the front lines of entertainment, medicine, education, and activism, the conversations in It’s OK that You’re Not OK are funny, complex, emotional, and hopeful - maybe not your typical dinner party topics, but none of us are entirely OK, and it’s time we start talking about that.
New episodes each and every Monday, from the author of the best-selling book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK, and iHeartMedia. Find Megan online at @refugeingrief &amp; follow the show @ItsOKPod

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Nobody likes to talk about pet loss… but everybody wants to talk about pet loss. What a difficult scenario that is! Veterinary oncologist Dr. Renee Alsarraf, author of Sit, Stay, Heal, joins us to talk about grief, professionalism, and the importance of being human - on the job and off. 
 
In this episode we cover: 
 

The whole truth about loving - and losing - your pets
The terrible advice Dr. Renee Alsarraf’s grad school teacher gave her (and why she refused to listen) 
Why vets and other professionals should really NOT check their human emotions at the door
When it’s time to welcome a new love into your life (human or otherwise)
How Dr. Alsarraf’s experience with veterinary oncology did (and didn’t) prepare her for her own cancer diagnosis

 
We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2022.
 
Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.



About our guest: 
Dr. Renee Alsarraf is a veterinary oncologist, lecturer, and philanthropist. Her book, Sit, Stay, Heal, is a moving and uplifting memoir of an esteemed veterinary oncologist fighting to save her four-legged patients while making sense of her own unexpected cancer diagnosis.
 
Find Dr. Alsarraf on IG @reneealsarraf and learn more about her book at sitstayhealbook.com
 
About Megan: 
Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief
 
Additional Resources:
Read Dr. Alsarraf’s book - Sit, Stay, Heal: What Dogs Can Teach Us about Living Well
 
Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A; grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 
 
Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed
Books and resources may contain affiliate links.
 
Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and 
For more information, including clinical training and consulting and to share your thoughts, visit us at refugeingrief.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pet Loss and Veterinarians Who Cry: with Veterinary Oncologist and Author Dr. Renee Alsarraf

Can you hide in plain sight?
From trans beauty pageants in the Philippines, to the catwalks of New York City fashion week, to the Ted Talk mainstage – Filipina-American model Geena Rocero has lived an astounding life. This week on It’s OK that You’re Not OK, the author of Horse Barbie: A Memoir shares what it costs to suppress your true self in order to find safety and success, and why joy is powerful medicine. 
Geena Rocero is a trans advocate, speaker, and author of the new book, Horse Barbie.
 
In this episode we cover: 

Why do we have to talk about gender all the time anyway?
How can parents support trans children? 
The history of trans beauty pageants in the Philippines
Why joy - and a sense of humor - are real survival tools

 
We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2023.
 
Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.



Related Episodes:
Coming Home to Yourself with Alex Elle
If I Survived, You Can Too! Author Emi Nietfeld on the Hollowness of the Transformation Narrative
Over and Over Again: Illustrator Aubrey Hirsch on the Power of Storytelling



About our guest:
Geena Rocero is a Filipina-American model, public speaker, author, and trans rights advocate. Ms. Rocero made history as the first trans woman ambassador for Miss Universe Nepal, and the first trans Asian Playboy Playmate of the Year. Her TED Talk, “Why I Must Come Out,” has been viewed over 3.7 million times. She’s an advisory board member of SeeHer, a global coalition working to increase representation and accurate portrayal of all women and girls in marketing, media, and entertainment. 
She’s spoken at the White House and United Nations, and has been featured on CNN, MSNBC, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Vanity Fair, and Variety. Her book Horse Barbie: A Memoir was named one of the Best Memoirs of 2023 by Elle Magazine. Find her @geenarocero on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter
 
About Megan: 
Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief
 
Additional Resources:
Watch Geena’s TED Talk “Why I Must Come Out”
 
Read Geena’s book - Horse Barbie: A Memoir 
 
Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A; grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 
 
Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed
Books and resources may contain affiliate links. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Horse Barbie & Cultivating Trans Joy with Geena Rocero

Have you ever put on a face mask, expecting it to solve all your mental health problems? 
That seems…unrealistic, but it’s what self-care marketing tells us: get your self-care right, and all your difficulties will evaporate. 

This week on It’s OK, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, author of Real Self-Care, breaks down what “self-care” actually means when we’re living in a complex, capitalistic world. It’s an exploration of grief, burnout, and exhaustion, and what it takes to care for yourself inside systems that repeatedly ignore their part in your suffering. 
 
In this episode we cover: 

Why self-care doesn’t work
How hope is different than optimism
Does looking for your own answers mean you have to do things alone?
Accepting help as a bid for connection
How Dr. Lakshmin’s definition of boundaries can help you practice real self-care

 
We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2023.
 
Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.
 
Follow the show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief
 
Related episodes:
Rage Becomes Her (and by “her” I mean US) with Soraya Chemaly
 
Living with Chronic Illness: A Conversation for Everyone with a Body with Sarah Ramey.



About our guest:
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin MD is a psychiatrist, a clinical assistant professor at George Washington University School of Medicine, and the founder and CEO of Gemma, the women’s mental health community centering impact and equity. She has spent thousands of hours taking care of women struggling with burnout, despair, depression, and anxiety in her clinical practice. Her debut non-fiction book, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included), is available in e-book, hardcover, and audiobook narrated by Pooja.
 
About Megan: 
Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief
 
Additional Resources:
Read “Hope is Not a Thing to Have – It’s a Skill to Practice” at Oprah Daily
 
Read “How Society Has Turned Its Back on Mothers” at The New York Times
 
Read “Saying ‘No’ Is Self-Care for Parents” at The New York Times
 
Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A; grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 
 
Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed
Books and resources may contain affiliate links. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Real Self-Care with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

We’re in a massive climate crisis, but it’s hard to think about it, isn’t it? 
It’s a great temptation to shut our eyes to climate change. It’s overwhelming. This week on the show, climate activist and author Bill McKibben on facing the reality of the climate crisis, understanding what needs to change, and what you can do - not just to change the course of humanity and the planet, but to feel more hopeful and connected as this all unfolds. 
 
In this episode we cover: 
 

Is halting climate change really dependent on personal recycling and whether we use plastic straws? 
Is it okay to have intense emotional responses to wildfires, floods, and the inaction of those “in charge”? 
How the boomer generation is using their experience and wealth to revisit the activism of their youth (and supporting younger activists at the same time)
How talking about our fears and our ecological grief gives us common ground to fight for our future - and our present. 




We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2023.
 
Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.



For more on activism in the face of impossible odds listen to these related episodes: 
Women, Life, Freedom: Grief and Power In Iran, with Nazanin Nour
Wonder in an Age of Violence with Valarie Kaur & See No Stranger



About our guest:
Bill McKibben is an American environmentalist, author, and journalist who has written extensively on the impact of global warming. His books include The End of Nature, about climate change, and Falter: Has the Human Game Begun to Play Itself Out?, about the state of the environmental challenges facing humanity. 
Bill is a contributing writer to The New Yorker (read his latest piece here), and founder of Third Act, which organizes people over the age of sixty for progressive change.
 
About Megan: 
Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief
Additional Resources:
Terry Tempest Williams’ book Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place, and her recent NYT article on Utah’s great Salt Lake (gift link, no subscription needed)
 
Explore Joanna Macy’s work on the intersection of grief and activism at her website, or her books, including Coming Back to Life: The Updated Guide to the Work That Reconnects, World as Lover, World as Self, and Widening Circles: A Memoir
 
Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A; grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 
 
Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed
Books and resources may contain affiliate links.
 
Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief
For more information, including clinical training and consulting and to share your thoughts, visit us at refugeingrief.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is There Any Good News on Climate Change? with Bill McKibben

Can grief be an opportunity for growth and self-understanding? 

The answer, of course, is yes: but it’s a bit more complex than that. This week, author, philanthropist, activist Rachel Cargle on survival optimism, the resilience narrative, and why questioning the stories you tell yourself - with curiosity and kindness - is a powerful path of healing. 
 
In this episode we cover: 
 

How was grief modeled for you growing up, and how does that affect later grief?
Can your memory of childhood grief be… entirely wrong? (or at least, inaccurate)
Can you do grief wrong?
The difference between curiosity and judgment
Is it ok to feel relieved when a sick person dies? 
Rachel’s new book, A Renaissance of Our Own

 
We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons. This episode was originally recorded in 2023.
 
Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.



Related episodes:
Gabor Mate on why we celebrate trauma, aka: resilience 
Illustrator Aubrey Hirsch on the power of storytelling as an act of healing



About our guest:
Rachel Cargle is a writer, entrepreneur and philanthropic innovator. Her new memoir, A Renaissance of Our Own, centers the reimagining of womanhood, solidarity and self. In 2018 she founded The Loveland Foundation, Inc., a non-profit offering free therapy to Black women and girls. 
 
She’s also the founder of Elizabeth’s Bookshop & Writing Centre, a literacy space designed to amplify, celebrate and honor the work of writers who are often excluded from traditional cultural, social and academic canons. For more on her many endeavors, visit rachelcargle.com.
 
About Megan: 
Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief
 
Additional Resources:
Read Rachel’s new book - A Renaissance of Our Own
 
The Great Unlearn – a self-paced, donation-based learning community
 
The Great Unlearn for Young Learners – an online learning space for young folks launching in 2022
 
Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A; grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 
 
Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sometimes Loss Is Freedom: A Conversation with Rebecca Woolf

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