Starve the Ego Feed the Soul

We reconnect with Vanessa Bennett to talk about rebuilding life after wildfire loss, moving to Costa Rica with a young child, and what it takes to create real community when your nervous system is fried. We also get brutally honest about accountability, shame, and why desire alone does not equal relationship capacity. 
• moving abroad as a family and choosing a bilingual education 
• compassion fatigue after trauma and pulling back to heal 
• rent gouging, ethics, and the stories people tell to avoid accountability 
• parenting through the shame stage and separating behavior from identity 
• conflict patterns, defensiveness, and setting boundaries without cruelty 
• nervous system alignment as a predictor of compatibility 
• desire versus capacity and what change actually requires 
• reciprocal care, gift economy thinking, and letting misaligned relationships fade 
• Vanessa’s work, The Motherhood Myth, and the Intercompass Academy depth psychology training 

stick around, leave the show a five-star written review on Apple and Spotify. 
please share the episode if it aligns with you and resonates with you in any way. 

Check out Vanessa's Inner Compass Academy here: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy

Buy her book here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416

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Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

We talk with grief researcher and bereavement policy specialist Cassidie Carmen Bates about why most workplaces are not built for loss, even though grief affects the brain, body, and performance. We unpack what “grief-informed” support looks like in real companies, and how better bereavement leave can improve retention while also protecting employees in their hardest season. 

Links to Cassidie's work:

https://www.cassidiecarmenbates.com/

https://www.thesoulexecutor.com/

Topics covered during the show:

• why Cassidie moves from public policy into grief research after losing her dad at 25 
• what “grief-informed” bereavement leave means beyond paid time off 
• the US bereavement leave landscape and why many workers get about three unpaid days 
• how manager training and workplace culture shape a bereaved employee’s experience 
• employee loyalty and retention when companies support the acute phase of grief 
• what goes wrong when leaders are dismissive and how that harm sticks 
• the executor burden and how estate responsibilities can delay grieving 
• grief in the body, delayed responses, and why compartmentalizing is not sustainable 
• how Cassidie balances lived experience with research objectivity 
• a gentle framework for what can actually help someone who is grieving 

As always, if you guys dig the episode, if you dig any of the episodes, please leave Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul, a five-star written review on Apple and Spotify Podcasts. If you could do both, that'd be lovely. 

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

We sit down with my friend Jillian Turecki after the launch of her book "It Begins with You" to talk about what changes when your work goes mainstream and why the best relationship advice still begins with self-awareness. We dig into mentorship, ethics, and dating culture so you can spot guidance that helps you grow instead of advice that keeps you stuck. 
• the problem with pop-psych labels that make you a victim 
• why self-accountability matters more than “red flags” 
• what people take from It Begins With You 
• why being single does not disqualify a relationship coach 
• the danger of giving advice that causes harm 
• why mentors and supervision should be non-negotiable 
• what a real mentorship or certification path could include 
• how to vet a coach or therapist with trust and clarity 
• dating apps, the gender divide, and rebuilding empathy 
• the safety realities women face and the issue of married daters 
If you do, please consider leaving the show a five-star written review on Apple or Spotify or both. 
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Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

You can feel it when someone is performing for the internet and you can feel it when someone is telling the truth. That’s why I wanted to sit down with Gloria Brun Del Rey, a 23-year-old creator from Switzerland who went from a brutal personal low point to posting one honest video every day and quickly building a huge community around meaning, purpose, and self-awareness. She’s also a Swiss military veteran and a former psychology student, which adds a grounded edge to the way she talks about “energy” and the law of attraction.

We get into what actually changes a person: solitude, loss, and the decision to stop hedging. Gloria shares how hitting rock bottom pushed her to trust her instincts, follow small impulses, and create without chasing an outcome. I also share my own perspective on “laws of the universe,” grief, and why love can feel like a real force you can’t fully measure, especially after losing someone you shared your life with. We talk about the mental habit of labeling events as good or bad, how that label lives inside us, and how accountability can give your life back to you.

You’ll also hear practical guidance that’s simple and hard: spend more time alone, sit in silence, stop feeding your mind constant input, and see what rises to the surface when you’re not distracted. If you’ve been craving clarity, authenticity, mindfulness, or a healthier relationship with social media, this one will meet you where you are. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the biggest idea you’re taking into your week.

Check her out on Instagram @GloriaDelRe and on YouTube youtube.com/@gloriadelre?

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

We talk with retired F-16 pilot LtCol. Frank “Slap” Lusher about why his proudest mission is the family he builds with his wife, not the medals or the flight hours. We break down practical fatherhood habits that create a safe home, strengthen kids under pressure, and keep masculinity rooted in humility and accountability.  
• choosing family-first decisions and closing chapters without regret  
• setting two clear expectations for kids: grades and effort  
• creating a safe space after mistakes instead of piling on pressure  
• using debrief culture to learn from failure without shame  
• teaching kids to reset fast and self-regulate emotions  
• staying ahead of social media and technology through constant communication  
• building a strong marriage through teamwork, honesty, and shared decisions  
• preparing kids for bad coaches and imperfect leaders 

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

What if admitting “I don’t know” about the afterlife could make you more alive today? We dive into the stories humans tell about death—why they comfort us, how they guide behavior, and where they can quietly limit our courage. With warmth and honesty, I explore the tug-of-war between the need for certainty and the deeper call to live, love, and serve without cosmic guarantees.

We start with the big questions: do we believe in heaven because it’s true or because our brains fear annihilation? I share current stats on U.S. and global belief, then unpack terror management theory to show how minds chase symbolic immortality—children, legacies, doctrines—when mortality shows up. We examine the desire for justice beyond the grave, the ache to see loved ones again, and how cultural upbringing can harden into a script we stop questioning. Along the way, I talk candidly about my own path: raised Catholic, still drawn to community and song, but choosing humility over certainty about miracles and metaphysics.

From Christianity and Islam’s heaven and hell to Buddhism and Hinduism’s reincarnation to modern ideas of energy returning to the universe, we map the range of afterlife models and what they reveal about human needs. I share why I ground my spirituality in love experienced here—soul-level connection, service, tenderness—rather than promises of reward later. The point isn’t to strip meaning; it’s to deepen it. If death might be an end, every moment becomes more urgent, every breath more sacred, every act of kindness more real.

You’ll leave with practical questions to test your beliefs, a gentler relationship with uncertainty, and a renewed focus on what you can choose now: presence, honesty, and love. If this conversation sparks something—hope, discomfort, curiosity—lean in. Subscribe, share with a friend who loves big questions, and leave a review with one belief you’re rethinking today.

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

I explore why true wisdom starts with owning our ignorance and how that stance transforms love, leadership, and parenting. We move from self-help as validation to training as practice, with humility, curiosity, and daily reps as the engine of real change.

• The School of Life insight that sparks the talk
• why admitting ignorance unlocks growth
• the difference between consuming and training
• practicing empathy in texts, calls, and conflict
• using shame as a guide, not a cage
• seeking depth and compatibility beyond surface scenes
• meeting new people as catalysts for clarity
• building repairs that are fast, clean, and kind
• focusing on what you can control: your reps
• why this show exists: service over influence

Please, if you haven’t left the show a review, do so today. Leave a five-star review on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts if you can. It takes two seconds and helps the show grow.

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

What if “the one” isn’t a person you find but a capacity you grow into? That question drives our heart-forward conversation with relationship coach and musician Kelsey Grant as we separate fear from truth, chemistry from compatibility, and secrecy from the kind of honesty that actually deepens love. We start where most dating advice ends: inside. If you can map your partner’s patterns but can’t name your own feelings, you’re flying blind. Kelsey shows us how introspection reveals whether “something’s missing” is a saboteur or a signal, and why starving attraction to preserve safety only pushes desire into the shadows.

From there we widen the lens. Dating apps aren’t destiny; your inputs shape your worldview. Kelsey shares how unplugging from viral cynicism, touching grass, and engaging serendipity can transform how—and where—you meet compatible people. Fate sets the collision, she says, but free will writes the story. Multiple true loves can and do exist across a lifetime, each one preparing us to hold a fuller, freer partnership.

We go straight at the tender stuff too: what to do when you feel drawn to someone while you’re committed. The answer isn’t panic or secrecy. It’s clean communication, pre-agreed boundaries, and running honest diagnostics on the relationship you already have. If a core nutrient is missing and cannot be cultivated, completion can be the most loving move for both people. Along the way, we trade checklists for character, talk emotional sobriety, and use a musician’s ear to tell wound resonance from heart resonance—the felt harmony that’s equal parts peace and aliveness.

If you’re ready to replace fantasy with clarity, widen your field without abandoning your integrity, and treat relationships as a school for becoming, this conversation will give you language, practices, and courage. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find the show.

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

I welcome my childhood friend Dr. Mike Meaney back on the show where we discuss how pain changes how a life moves. It sharpens every edge, tests every bond, and forces you to decide what you believe when there are no easy choices left. That’s where our conversation begins: a candid account of failed orthopedic surgeries, a system that too often rewards the cut over the cure, and the daily reality of living inside a body that won’t stop hurting. We examine how fee-for-service medicine, device royalties, and surgical center ownership can bend decisions, why second and third opinions matter, and what patients can do to avoid becoming a statistic in a volume-driven industry.

From there, we turn toward the inner struggle—resentment, justice, and the long road to healing. We talk openly about opioids as a seductive solution to the human problem of physical pain, and the devastation they leave behind. We sit with the hardest question: when harm is done under anesthesia, what does forgiveness mean? Faith enters not as a slogan but as a practice. We return to the simple Catholic teachings we learned as kids—tell the truth, avoid violence, treat others as you wish to be treated, care for the marginal—and measure them against adult complexity. We explore the mystical claims of Christianity with clear eyes, and why daily sobriety can feel like proof enough for belief.

Then we build forward. Our guest shares One Small Step, a platform delivering certified peer support on nights and weekends for people on Medicaid—exactly when the rest of the system is closed or the ER is the only option. We walk through how human-in-the-loop AI can safely triage, detect pre-crisis signals, and route people to real peers with lived experience, reducing avoidable ER visits and giving support that actually meets people where they are. It’s a practical blueprint for reform: dignified care, data-informed decisions, and a focus on outcomes that matter.

If this conversation resonates—about pain, faith, accountability, or access to real help—share it with someone who needs it. And if you appreciate these deep, unfiltered talks, tap follow, leave a quick review, and tell us: where do you draw the line between justice and mercy?

To learn more about One Small Step head over to https://onesmallstep.io/

Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com

Use code FEEDTHESOUL at https://seoulandsoil.com/ for a discount on the best handcrafted, no BS skincare products in the USA. 

Psychotherapist Romina Richardson shares profound insights on the emotional labor of therapy, authentic connection in relationships, and staying human in a tech-dominated world. We explore what makes a great therapist beyond credentials and how self-awareness creates the foundation for meaningful connections.

• The unseen emotional work of being a therapist – balancing personal resilience while holding space for others
• Dating in the digital age and how unrealistic standards affect our ability to form genuine connections
• Why loneliness persists despite constant digital connection
• Self-awareness as the critical difference between intuition and trauma responses
• The importance of finding personal meaning and purpose
• How AI and technology are changing human connection and mental health
• The balance between setting boundaries and authentic vulnerability
• Why authentic human connection requires courage and presence

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Support the show

Warmly,
Nico Barraza
@FeedTheSoulNB
www.nicobarraza.com