Stone Clearing With Richard Herring

Chapter 94 - Vandalf. Richard is on his first official audio chapter since the stone gods decided to teach him a lesson about removing stones. It should be a happy occasion, but some person or force has gone out of their way to turn his world upside down. Trigger warning - those concerned about the welfare of stones should not liften. But this is worse than having cancer. And also very disrespectful to the memory of the original stone clearer Michael (RIP). We will overcome my friends. This is like when the pretend God tested Job. Obviously stone clearing is always serious, but this is a more serious one. Why hast thou forfaken me?

Ye Ultimate Ftone Clear. It's 9th April 2021, around about 3pm. It's been a few weeks since Richard was struck down and forced to clear a very special stone, but as Fpring returns he takes his first tentative steps back on the Ftocean, in audio and video. Wolfie is away so can not join him, but there is much to process and a special stone to find. How many stones have grown in the enforced vacation? What effect will the absence have on the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit? Will the Ftone Pole bode good luck or bad? And which member of the Goodies will attempt to catch Rich in the act. It's an emotional return to the field and a tribute to the grumpy old bugger who has left us.

If you enjoyed all the free content over lockdown please consider buying a ticket to one (or more) of the live RHLSTPs in May, June and July at the Clapham Grand (actual audience tickets available as well as online ones) http://richardherring.com/gigs. Use Richard Herring before we lose him for good.

Chapter 93 - Myftery Fnowy Footprintf. It's bang on 8am on 9th February 2021 and the Stocean is covered in fnow again. But that will not ftop a hardened ftone clearer. Or one without an erection. Today you will learn the important of the icy kick, some freezer wisdom from the Venerable Bede and another rule to add to your list and to update on https://sites.google.com/view/stoneclearing/ if you're the person who has been failing to keep that up to date. Perhaps you've been got by the stone Stasi. There's a great stone pole and a lame chase from the one member of the Stone Stasi who is committed enough to be up and at em on a cold February morning. Is love in the air?

Chapter 92 - Fpunking Ftones. It's 8.20am on 2nd February 2021 and the fnow has gone and the mud doesn't feem as bad in comparifon. There's some big twiftf and revelations in this week'sf chapter and Rich rifkf a fchifm by nailing his colourf to the maft on a controverfial fubject. Is the Roman villa Roman or a villa? Have you ever made a stone ejaculate? Does that mean that they don't or is the fault with you? Will you be able to cope with the new pace that will come as the chapters become more advanced in a few weeks? Are our human lives important at all? And do the stone Stasi need me to survive in order to keep themselves as relevant as Lego Batman? An incredible stone pole too. You might want to become a badger now: http://gofasterstripe.com/badges

Chapter 91 - Yellow Fnow. It's 8.25am on the 26th January 2021 and we've gone straight to an intermediatery lesson as the Stocean is covered in crispy snow. How do you clear stones when you can't see stones? What are the best ways to surreptitiously melt it? And will science ever work out what snow even is? There's a vicious attack from the horrible muzzled dog and a friendly (?) greeting form the mobility scooter lady. Plus more celebrity emails.

Chapter 90 - The Three Df. It's 8am on the 21st January 2021 and Rich has left behind his film star career for the glamour of stone clearing. He has to lift a tree that is blocking his path and receives a veiled threat from a member of the Ftone Ftafi and he also has to take a diversion into the village to pick up some tabloids where Wolfie meets her enemy. It's all happening. Only 10 chapters away until we've completed the beginners' course and can move on to more advanced techniques.

Chapter 89 - Frofti Graf. It's 8.05am on 7th January 2021 and it's the first recorded clear of a New Year, though the ftones laugh at the paffage of a year, which is but the blink of an eye to them. The world descends into chaos, but the ftocean remains constant and calm with everything slowly being put in its correct place. Some are calling Herring mad, but perhaps he is the only fane man on the planet. The stones certainly tell him that he is. The cold earth grips her stones tight. But Herring prises them away and the stones thank him. Literally. Let he who has ears underftand.

Chapter 88 - Dead Beets. It's after 9am on 29th December 2020 and Richard is looking back on one of the greatest years in history for stone clearing. He has to deal with star struck villagers (and some pretending not to be star struck) and a potential rambler orgy, but has an admission about his 'career' that may surprise no one. The Alpha and Omega cairn (pictured) is growing fast after just two and a bit years of attention and the stones are growing nicely as the mud clears. But will Richard find Wolfie's name tag? So much incident and excitement that you might expire. Don't listen to this if you're trying to sleep.

Chapter Eighty-feven - The Fomme. It's 7.45am on the 15th December 2020 and today's stone clear is in memory of Patrick Hill's dog Dizzy. Richard is forced to think of a time where he (or Wolfie) might traverse this field without their best friend. If his failing fitness is anything to go by then Wolfie should outlive him. There are still camouflaged beets and the mud is as bad as ever, but the hope of new stones growing through the mud like hammy poppies keeps the spirits up. There's the biggest stone for a while and one that looks like an egg, but the Stone Stasi are quiet. Maybe a bit too quiet. But Rich says hello to a lady in a dressing gown, so there's some human interaction.

Chapter Eighty-Fix - The Darkneff. It's 5.10pm on the 1st December 2020 and night has fallen. Richard braves the ghost-ridden field, which is too scary even for the Ftone Ftafi for his first dedicated night clear and the conditions are atrocious. The farmer has driven their tractor all over the path and the central part of the stocean is like quite slow quick sand, but more soily. Will our hero get out alive? And how do you see stones in the dark? And what becomes of the beets when they rot? Desiccated or slimy? Plus a beet joke to lighten the mood. It's terrifying, like a horror film. You'll love it.

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