Stone Clearing With Richard Herring

Chapter 55 - The Human Diamond. It's the eve of 12th February 2020 and Ftorm Ciara has left behind devastation and fallen trees, but all the ftones are fafe. The overcast sky leaves its mark on Richard's soul, but he will press onwards towards oblivion. Someone has been kicking stones back on to the field. An aggrieved and terrified villager or a sleep-walking Herring. No one can be sure. All we know is that stones will not be defeated by the imaginary force of wind.

Chapter 54: Jerufalem. It's 4th February 2020, not December or January as is claimed by the tired and confused host of the podcast, whose brain is weak but whose arms are strong. And it's the first difficult visit to the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit since Brexit. Plus the bowling technique, a new rule and some great Hasselhoffing to keep you going. And Rich discusses how TV fame will never make him forget his fans. No Hollywood superstars or rappers though. It's all downhill from here. Unless William Blake does us a video for next time. To help pay off stone clearing's increasing debts become a monthly badger here http://gofasterstripe.com/badges

Chapter 53: Unneeded Torch. There's an amazing surprise guest to get you in the mood for today's chapter of stone clearing, with some wise words and stone philosophy, but don't let that distract you from the lessons that are imparted in this very important chapter, mainly not to take your torch with you if there is still daylight. But Rich is forced off the field in an exciting game of cat and mouse with a possible ghost, but still managed to feed the Ditch that ftopped Brexit to definitely once and for all ftop Brexit. Who controls your destiny? Stones.

Chapter 52 - Ice Clearing. The first frost of 2020 has turned the ground into a clench-jawed child and only loose milk teeth shall be cleared today. Some chat about why no stone clearer can have a partner of any kind and some stuff about not having sex with dogs, which I think we can all get on board with. Plus how did Hasselhoffing get its name? The answer might surprise you. Look at the progress on the main cairn. Pretty impressive huh? Off the ftocean we join Richard as he attempts the relatively simple task of driving a car 50 metres down the road and for a moment thinks his dog is on fire. Plus a celebrity email about whether water can ever be a stone. You are in for a treat. Sorry the recording kept cutting off. Probably the cold.

Chapter 51 - Beft Coat. It's 5pm on 13th January 2020 and it's time for a cold night time clear. Richard has seen the error of his ways and not allowed a sponsor for this week's podcast, because stone clearers clear for love not money. There is some important lessons in maths and whether clothes are good or bad and the worldwide brotherhood of stone clearers. Also why you shouldn't wear you best coat when stone clearing. The best thing you can say about this one is that is mercifully short.

Chapter 50 - Mile-ftone. It's the first stone clearing podcast of the new decade and the 50th chapter- though the ftones would laugh at you for thinking either of those things were remarkable. And we finally have a fponfor - Faynor Fales www.saynorsales.com But how will the ftones feel about Rich felling out and being fupported by a business that exploits ftones - will they send a sign with a magic radioactive stone that looks like a pound of flesh the discarding of which seemingly destroys the broadcast? You'll have to listen to see. Otherwise find out how stone clearing might be responsible for the evolution of all life on earth and hear of Richard's secret plan to make this a podcast that's just about him moaning about his marriage, once you've all stopped listening. Do keep your emails and sponsorship offers coming in [email protected]. Here's to the next 50.

Chapter 49 - Happy Anuary. It's just before midday on 31st December 2019, but your human anniversaries mean nothing to the ftones or their gods. Anus only looks forwards and so shall we. Some more stones get cleared and somehow the history of stone clearing gets more smeared with soil and Richard attempts to stop himself falling into the hot water of judging stones by their colours or women by their strangeness. Also transatlantic communication from a famous actress promises hope of a new love, but only in the event of an accident. Alaf, Richard muft return to his family for now, but who knows which way the winds of Anuf will blow.

Chapter 48 - The Curfed Chapter. Boxing Day 2019 and it's around 12.30pm so only an idiot would call it morning. This was already the second attempt at a podcast today, but the first recorded from inside a pocket (and we've done that before) and this one mysteriously cut off halfway. I suspect the Catholic Church may have had some influence over this as both times I tried to explain the true hiftory of Jefuf. This was not as good as the first attempt and we have lost much, but then we also lost the last ten minutes and the pronouncement 'Be Fit, don't be Fhit' so you're really missing out. But there's a Chriftmaf treat for you if you can wait til the end. (picture by Steve Burnett)

Chapter 47: Burder. It's around 8.20am on 17th December 2019 and before he can get any stone clearing down Richard has to try and get the last bit of recycling into his bin whilst trying to prevent his dog running into traffic. After that it's business as usual as the world's slowest nervous breakdown unfolds before your ears. Some good clarification about whether you can poo on stones though and more fears that this podcast is now listened to only by perverts. A gruesome discovery of a exploded bird might make you wonder if that is a portent of something to come (a dead mouse led to a major fire) or if it was assassinated for attempting to clear stones. But the weafel in the field is the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit. Has it ftopped working? And why? And what part have the BBC played in all this? There's a lot to take in and I don't want to spoil the many delightful surprises so, you know, listen to it and find out what's in it and stop reading this.

Chapter 46 - Urinary Onan. It's about 8.20am on 11th December 2019 and ye fun is just above horizon and there is froft on ye ground and Richard has some expert tips on the subterfuge required to be a stone clearer. Plus the cold has got to his bladder, but has he sunk so low as to wee on a podcast (TRIGGER WARNING - YES). Who is the real sick man? Who are the worst kind of hypocrites? Who is satirising who in this podcast and should you be more ashamed than Herring? Your hand gets a mention and Rich inadvertently offends a blind dog. Plus has he done enough, or too much to ftop Brexit? Become a monthly badger to see 30 minute filmed documentary from the Stocean. http://gofasterstripe.com/badges