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In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Emily breaks down the dynamics of toxic relationships—why we get stuck in them, how to spot the red flags, and what it takes to step into something healthier. She explains how cycles of fighting and making up can become addictive, why perfectionism and unrealistic expectations sabotage intimacy, and the subtle ways emotional unavailability shows up through gaslighting, breadcrumbing, and avoidance.

The episode also explores the deeper psychology behind repeated patterns: why we’re drawn to unavailable partners, how our own fears and defenses play into toxic dynamics, and why real change only happens when both people are willing to do the work. Listener questions and calls highlight unmet needs, long-term relationships starved of affection, and the painful realization that sometimes love isn’t enough to sustain a partnership.

Alongside this, Emily offers clear strategies for breaking toxic cycles, communicating needs without blame, and deciding when it’s time to stay, seek help, or walk away. With candid stories about gaslighting, perfectionism, and emotional neglect, this episode is a raw but empowering guide to recognizing what doesn’t serve you—and finding the courage to choose relationships that do.

Timestamps:

0:00 - Introduction

3:04 - When High Standards Destroy Love

6:35 - Signs of Emotional Unavailability You Need to Know

11:04 - How Long Will You Stay in an Unfulfilling Relationship?

13:34 - 8 Years of Unmet Needs and One-Sided Love

20:18 - Words vs Actions

25:36 - Anniversary Disappointment After 28 Years of Marriage

30:59 - Having the Difficult Conversation Your Relationship Needs