“If we accept where we are, then we can actually manage our neurosis and we can be kinder, we can be more attuned, we can be better parents, and we can be better parents to ourselves.” ~Bethany Saltman

Our host Sarah Buino welcomes author Bethany Saltman to share the lessons she learned while writing Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey Into The Science Of Attachment.

Bethany and Sarah explore the different roles that curiosity, delight, anxiety, shame, and acceptance play when looking at parent-child attachment, and ultimately one’s connection to themselves.

Bethany’s journey of researching and ultimately writing about attachment theory began when she became a mother. Motherhood can unleash a wide-range of emotions for many new mothers. For Bethany, she was surprised by the duality of feeling an unwavering maternal love for her new baby, while also experiencing strong resentment, anger, and pain in motherhood.

After jumping at the opportunity to write a column for a local magazine about being a Buddhist mother, she embarked on a 10-year quest to understand her struggles. This led Bethany to delve into the world of attachment theory - one of the cornerstones of the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) in addressing Complex Trauma. 

Her research on attachment led her to the works of the late Mary Ainsworth, a developmental psychologist and attachment researcher. In the 1970s, Ainsworth devised a study to observe attachment between children and their caregivers. Dubbed the ‘Strange Situation’, the study is, as Bethany describes it, an elegant formulation of how attachment systems work.

Sarah and Bethany discuss the connection between Ainsworth’s Strange Situation narrative and NARM’s core teachings about attachment, relational, and developmental trauma. NARM therapy supports the connection within a person to themselves, which in turn allows for deeper connection to others. 

Bethany, who shares openly that she is a client of NARM Therapy, reports her embodied learning that “the other side of shame is radical acceptance.” This honest and moving conversation weaves together exploration of self-inquiry, self-love, and how to take a second look at shame in order to heal from developmental trauma.

 

Bethany Saltman is an author, award-winning editor, and researcher. Her work can be seen in magazines like the New Yorker, New York Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, Parents, and many others. Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey Into the Science of  Attachment, published in April 2020 by Random House, is her first book.

CONNECT WITH BETHANY

Bethany Saltman

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Twitter

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Strange Situation Book

 

RESOURCES MENTIONED

NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM)

Peter Levine, PhD

William Sears, MD

Mary Ainsworth, PhD

Mary Main, PhD

Howard Steele, PhD

& Miriam Steele, PhD

Dan Siegel, PhD

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NARM Training Institute

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The NARM Training Institute provides tools for transforming complex trauma through: in-person and online trainings for mental health care professionals; in-person and online workshops on complex trauma and how it interplays with areas like addiction, parenting, and cultural trauma; an online self-paced learning program, the NARM Inner Circle; and other trauma-informed learning resources.  

For the full show notes including references, podcast episodes mentioned, and a quick glossary of terms, visit us at http://www.narmtraining.com/transformingtrauma

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