In this episode of Just the Guys, Dan interviews Michael Cusick—licensed counselor, ordained minister, and founder of Restoring the Soul—to discuss the deeper spiritual and emotional roots of sexual addiction, particularly pornography, as explored in his book Surfing for God.
Michael vulnerably shares his own journey from trauma, addiction, and shame to healing and restoration. He explains that many Christian approaches to pornography are often split between moralism (“just stop it”) and clinical models (treating it as a disease). His book offers a different lens: one that views compulsive sexual behavior as rooted in legitimate God-given desires that have been disordered by trauma, unmet attachment needs, and relational wounds.
Key insights include:
• “Listen to your lust” – Our compulsions are tells, pointing to deeper longings for connection, affirmation, and healing.
• Addiction is not just a behavior, but often a false god, offering counterfeit comfort for past wounds.
• Shame is physiological and often misunderstood in Christian circles. True healing comes not from hiding, but from secure, grace-filled relationships with God and others.
• Michael emphasizes the four S’s of attachment (Seen, Soothed, Safe, Secure) as crucial for emotional and spiritual healing.
• He reframes God’s posture in Genesis 3, inviting listeners to imagine a version of God that says, “Come closer” rather than condemning God as a loving Father, not a punisher.
• The path forward isn’t perfect behavior, but direction and healing. Relapse may be part of the journey, but growth happens when men risk being known and pursue secure attachments.
Listeners are encouraged to shift from behavior management to healing through connection—first with others, then with God.
⸻
Resources Mentioned:
• Surfing for God by Michael Cusick (Book, Audio, Kindle)
• Sacred Attachment (new book by Cusick)
• Restoring the Soul ministry: restoringthesoul.com
• Restoring the Soul Men’s Weekend: restoringthesoulweekend.com
• Podcasts: Restoring the Soul and The Place We Find Ourselves (Adam Young)
• Influences: Dallas Willard, G.K. Chesterton, Jay Stringer (Unwanted), Kurt Thompson, Gerald May