Tentpole Trauma

In hindsight the odd marriage of burgeoning director Brian De Palma and superstar songwriter Paul Williams seems a recipe for 70s era success, but sadly their Faustian collaboration Phantom of the Paradise met with little appreciation at the time. Since then it has grown into a cult classic among genre fans, but is this twisted, glam rock take on The Phantom of the Opera worthy of such status? (Spoiler: it is!) Join Sebastian, Jennifer and special guest Beth Topping as they sell their souls for stardom in appreciation of this bizarre and delightfully campy horror musical.

Cinematic adaptations of bestselling author Stephen King are often a safe bet, and yet neither attempts at bringing his novel Firestarter to the big screen have generated significant heat at the box office. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they discuss both the Drew Barrymore 1984 version and the recent Zac Efron 2022 attempt and see if there’s any potential to be kindled from this pyrokinetic intellectual property.

Possibly the most interesting director to emerge in the last decade is Robert Eggers, so the news that he was crafting a 90 million dollar Viking blockbuster with his tireless penchant for verisimilitude was cause for celebration among film fans. Featuring hulking Norse god Alexander Skaarsgard as well as Nicole Kidman, Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe, the movie did not disappoint — except at the box office. Join Sebastian and Troy as they ride with the Valkyrie to Valhalla by heaping praise on this sadly underseen epic.

Riding the trend of YA dystopian adaptations and with the power of Peter Jackson behind it, Christian Rivers’ big budget steampunk extravaganza was poised to crush the competition when it hit theaters in 2018. But this engine stalled badly, racking up an embarrassing box office take and crashing the hopes of a fresh new sci fi franchise. Join Sebastian and Steve as they steamroll through the good, the bad, and the bonkers of the maligned and overlooked Mortal Engines.

The stories of the Brothers Grimm have endured throughout history, and arguably no director is better suited to adapting them than the wildly imaginative and irreverent Terry Gilliam. And yet, when his take on the material, starring hot stars Matt Damon and Heath Ledger, hit screens in 2005, it went virtually unnoticed. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they journey into the enchanted forest and try to find the magic in this big budget, fairytale failure.

A resurrection of the Robocop franchise was in the works for nearly a decade, and the post Marvel superhero boom seemed a perfect time to debut a new take on a crime fighting cyborg cop. But despite the best efforts of director Jose Padilha and a stellar cast featuring Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton and Joel Kinnaman, the 2014 remake missed the mark with fans and ticket buyers. Join Rodney and Sebastian as they crack the case on why this big budget reboot roboflopped.

In 2001 both Robin Williams and Edward Norton were at the peak of their careers, so a black comedy team-up that lampoons the Barney the dinosaur phenomenon seemed a solid concept on paper. Add Danny DeVito as director and co-star, as well as a 50 million dollar budget — what could possibly go wrong? Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they sing joyous songs for the children and try to understand why Death to Smoochy was such a critical and financial failure.

Director Walter Hill was riding high off the success of The Warriors and 48 Hrs when he was given the green light to make his high budget rock n’ roll fable Streets of Fire. But despite the presence of rising stars Diane Lane and Willem Dafoe and a heavy presence on MTV thanks to Dan Hartman’s hit single “I Can Dream About You”, the film flopped hard with critics and audiences. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they get ready to rumble with this surreal and stylish cinematic street fight.

In 1995 the post apocalyptic genre was in full swing, so an adaptation of a hip, grunge friendly indie comic book property like Tank Girl looked like a good idea. Sadly, the resulting film from Rachel Talalay, built around the strange charisma of star Lori Petty, was a critical and box office cataclysm. Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they fire up the heavy artillery and get down with Ice T as a mutant kangaroo for this bizarro but weirdly entertaining cinematic bomb.

The prospect of grafting an outdated radio serial superhero onto a Seth Rogen comedy by way of surrealist filmmaker Michel Gondry seemed dicey by the most generous metrics, and the resulting effort, 2011’s The Green Hornet, failed to live up to even modest expectations. But is it really the trainwreck its poor box office take and critical reception suggests? Join Sebastian, Jennifer and superfan Matt Anderson as they delve deep into Green Hornet lore and ask the eternal question — do we make you hornety?