Tentpole Trauma

Director John Boorman was riding high off the success of Deliverance in 1974, but when he couldn’t get his adaptation of Lord of the Rings off of the ground, he opted instead for a mind-bending journey into sci fi with his bizarre vision of the future, Zardoz. 20th Century Fox hoped they had another 2001: A Space Odyssey or Planet of the Apes on their hands, but despite the presence of Sean Connery in the lead, the reaction to the admittedly absurd film was poisonous. Join Sebastian and Troy,  two self-proclaimed Zardoz acolytes, as they storm the Tabernacle and attempt to make sense of this wild and wonderful 70s dystopian fever dream.

The Blade franchise was rolling full force when the third entry, helmed by writer David S. Goyer, hit theaters in 2004. Rumors of star Wesley Snipes’ unhappiness with the franchise’s new direction — namely adding hot young stars Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel to the cast as usurping vampire hunters — plagued the production, and the resulting film flopped with fans and staked out diminished box office returns. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Fear of a Black Movie Critic’s VQ as they drag this tonally confused bloodsucker into the light and ask themselves the eternal question — is this the worst Dracula ever put on film?

Hopes were high for celebrated Canadian auteur David Cronenberg’s return to the body horror genre he all but originated, and the trailers for his 2022 film Crimes of the Future promised serious sci fi weirdness. But despite a strong showing on the festival circuit, the film disappointed many fans and didn’t make the cut at the box office. Join Sebastian and Cronenberg superfan Troy as they dissect this curious late stage offering from one of the true masters of science fiction horror.

Seemingly doomed from the start, the sixth installment of the famed Halloween series, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, shaped up to be a rotten pumpkin for fans when it hit theaters in 1995. Helmed by Joe Chapelle and written by super fan Daniel Farrands, the film added a ludicrous backstory for the iconic slasher, suffered the real life death of mainstay Donald Pleasence, and featured a baffling debut performance by future Ant-Man Paul Rudd. Join Sebastian, Matt, and the Grindbin podcast’s Bobby as they cast the runes, weather the curse of Thorn and suffer through two versions of this franchise altering trainwreck.

One of the most disturbing and distinctive horror franchises of the 80s, Clive Barker’s Hellraiser series, with its iconic figurehead Pinhead, was poised to torment moviegoers well into the 90s and beyond. Unfortunately the fourth film in the series, attributed to fictional director Alan Smithee, took the chain wielding Cenobites into space and ultimately into the dustbins of straight-to-video hell. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Rodney in lamenting this puzzle-box mess of a movie — they have such sights to show you!

If any filmmaker was capable of bringing the horrific insanity of HP Lovecraft to the big screen in the mid 90s, it was John Carpenter. Though not a direct adaptation of any specific Lovecraft work, 1994’s In the Mouth of Madness boasts the talents of madmen Sam Neill and Jurgen Prochnow, but failed to make an impression at the box office. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they summon the Old Ones and lose their minds over this undervalued entry in the Carpenter canon.

By the mid-eighties the Friday the 13th franchise was all but unstoppable; even part 4’s promise of being “the final chapter” became an empty promise when the box office receipts came in. But despite the fresh start implied by the title, Danny Steinman’s Friday the 13th: A New Beginning got a stale reception from critics and threatened to end the hockey masked slasher series once and for all. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they resurrect (not really) Jason Voorhees for a discussion on this sleazy, soft core entry in the franchise.

Riding high of a decade of triumph, Disney was hoping to capture the boy demographic with their Jules Verne inspired adventure Atlantis: The Lost Empire. But despite impressive, CG enhanced animation and a strong voice cast led by Michael J. Fox and Leonard Nimoy, the film was the first Disney animated feature in over a decade to disappoint at the box office. Join Sebastian and Richard as they decipher the secrets of the sunken kingdom to determine how this enjoyable romp fell short.

Helping to usher in the sword and sorcery boom of the early 80s, Matthew Robbins’ Dragonslayer was a big budget extravaganza that required the financing of both Paramount and Disney studios. But despite delivering jaw-dropping effects and a solid hero’s journey storyline, the film failed to catch the box office fire necessary to justify its considerable expense. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they brave the dragon’s lair to revisit this Game of Thrones inspiring fantasy classic.