Tentpole Trauma

H.G. Wells’ tale of genetic tampering had been adapted for the big screen before Richard Stanley attempted it again in 1996, but never before had a version gone so horribly awry. Plagued by misbehaving stars Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando, Stanley himself being fired and replaced by veteran director John Frankenheimer, and numerous onset mishaps, the production would live in infamy for its wildly troubled evolution, one that resulted in a monstrous mess of a finished product. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they dig into the DNA of this experiment gone wrong and try to escape from the famously doomed adaptation of The Island of Dr. Moreau.

The stardom of both Henry Cavill and cannibal fetishist Armie Hammer was on the rise in 2015, making it the perfect time to team them up in a buddy spy movie directed by Guy Ritchie. But despite a solid effort, a groovy 60’s period setting and the always beguiling Alicia Vikander, this re-imaging of the cult TV show cried uncle at the box office. Join special agents Sebastian and Matt as they crack the code behind the Man from U.N.C.L.E.’s failure.

Val Kilmer was riding high as a leading man in 1997, so it made sense that he’d try his hand at establishing his own globetrotting espionage role. Sadly the resulting reimagining of the 60s British TV sensation The Saint turned out more Boring Identity than Bond, torpedoing a potential franchise and setting Kilmer’s career into a funk from which it never fully recovered. Join Sebastian and Matt as they don multiple disguises and crack the code on cold fusion to unravel this convoluted and confounding spy-style thriller.

The Scream franchise may have been dormant for over ten years, but hopes were still high for Wes Craven and company’s 2011 remake-era reboot, Scream 4. But despite returning stars Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette, as well as a promising new cast, the film failed to scare up significant returns at the box office. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Rodney as they go over the rules and are menaced by Ghostface in discussing this unfairly maligned outing.

Based on the beloved Nintendo side scroller, the 1993 live action Super Mario Bros. movie was poised to prove the viability of video games making the jump to the big screen. Sadly, despite boasting the talents of Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Samantha Mathis and Dennis Hopper, as well as big budget special effects, the film laid a dinosaur-sized egg at the box office and left audiences baffled by what they had watched. Join Sebastian and Steve as they dodge barrels, take magic mushrooms and attempt to reach the final level of this puzzling early video game adaptation.

An adaptation of TSR’s seminal role playing was long in the cards, or the 20 sided dice as it were, but it wasn’t until the year 2000 that the first big screen effort was launched. Unfortunately Courtney Solomon’s Dungeons and Dragons was a catastrophic misfire marred by hammy performances, poor scripting and monstrously bad CGI, bombing hard at the box office and placing a wizard’s curse on the franchise over the next two decades. Join Sebastian and Richard as they face the Eye of the Beholder and plunder the dungeon depths of this irredeemable travesty of the fantasy genre.

With a director at the height of his game and a star at the early peak of his fame, Blow Out, directed by Brian De Palma and starring John Travolta, was poised to be one of the big hits of 1981. But despite being a rock solid re-imagining of Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow Up and a nail-biting thriller in its own right, the film blew a flat tire at the box office. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they comb the audio files for clues as to why this clever and suspenseful neo noir failed to blow up commercially.

The 90s saw a resurgence in the western genre, though none of the many offerings outside of Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven were major hits. Unfortunately that held true for Mario Van Peebles’ Posse, which distinguished itself by featuring a mostly black cast and was the star/director’s follow up to his enormously successful New Jack City. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and VQ as they celebrate black representation in the old west and rustle up some posse love for this gunslinging cult classic.