Based on an obscure comicbook character, Madame Web hoped to cash in on the goodwill of the tangentially related Marvel Cinematic Universe as well as the success of the animated Spiderverse films. But the Sony produced movie was ensnared in toxic buzz from the outset, the goofy trailers and mocking reviews ensuring that it would be yet another bomb for a female-led superteam. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they flex their powers of premonition and suffer through this laughably awful spider-flop.

Before Marvel’s Avengers became a household name, there was the quirky 1960’s British spy series made popular by the presence of Diana Rigg in a cat suit. More than thirty years past the show’s prime a big budget feature film was attempted, but despite the presence of OG James Bond Sean Connery, Ralph Fiennes and a post Batman & Robin Uma Thurman donning the catsuit, the movie met with disaster critically and at the box office. Join Sebastian and the Mighty Peculiar’s Matt Anderson as they try to decode this baffling, inexplicable mess of a spy thriller.

Hollywood had been looking to get the Planet of the Apes franchise back into orbit for 20 plus years, but it wasn’t until Tim Burton signed on to direct that the 2001 remake took sh(ape). But despite boasting incredible Rick Baker makeups, Marky Mark as the lead human and an impressive box office haul, the reaction to the film was so toxic that 20th Century Fox studios declined to opt for a sequel. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they make monkeys out of themselves trying to unpack the movie’s ruinously bananas twist endings.

Coming strong after the one-two punch of The Terminator and Aliens, director James Cameron was poised to reach A-level status with his wildly ambitious underwater sci fi action film The Abyss. But despite overcoming a torturous and fraught-filled production, the would-be blockbuster left audiences confused upon its 1989 theatrical release and did not ascend to the box office or critical heights Cameron hoped for. Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they deep dive into the new spectacularly restored 4K director’s cut and argue over the merits of Michael Biehn’s villainous mustache.

After the billion dollar success of Captain Marvel, a sequel to the Brie Larson led superhero hit seemed destined for the stars. But even with the power of Marvel studios and Disney behind it, not to mention the addition of the characters of Ms. Marvel and Monica Rambeau, Nia DaCosta’s 220 million dollar team-up didn’t even make its budget back worldwide, a catastrophic blow for the once unstoppable brand. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they switch powers, herd man-eating alien cats and try to determine why The Marvels was the biggest bomb in the MCU’s history.

Special effects wizard Douglas Trumbull hoped to bring his mind-bending 2001: A Space Odyssey visuals down to earth with Brainstorm, a 1983 sci fi thriller starring Christopher Walken and Natalie Wood. Unfortunately Wood’s tragic death by drowning cast a pall over the film, delaying its release and resulting in a muddled narrative and baffling special effects sequences that failed to live up to Trumbull’s lofty ambitions along with any hope of box office redemption. Join Sebastian and Troy as they don their psychic headsets, record their innermost fears and seek answers to the afterlife by discussing this cursed mess of a production.

Russell Crowe returning to the historical epic genre at the peak of his post-Gladiator fame would seem a sure bet in 2003, and yet Peter Weir’s Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World met with a tepid box office response upon its maiden voyage. Despite being an exquisitely crafted adaptation of the beloved Patrick O’Brian novels and garnering several Oscars, the film failed to launch the hoped for franchise — though appreciation has grown for it over the years, particularly with millennials. Join Sebastian and Andrew as they hoist up the top sails and celebrate this high water mark of seafaring historical cinema.

Probably no one would have predicted that in 2023 the duo behind Game Night would deliver the definitive cinematic take on the genre-defining TRS role playing game Dungeons & Dragons, and yet John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein’s Honor Among Thieves managed that seemingly impossible task. But despite a great cast, a clever and funny script and blockbuster level production values, the film failed to conjure magic at the box office. Join Sebastian and Richard as they roll the dice against owlbears, gelatinous cubes and a pudgy red dragon while celebrating this treasure of a film. 

The late 90s saw horror in a transitional phase, and while the trend was favoring the post-modern tact of Scream, many filmmakers were taking their end-of-the-millennium angst to the stars. Despite being arguably the best of the spacefaring bunch, Paul W.S. Anderson’s Event Horizon failed to conjure excitement with critics and quickly fell into a box office black hole. Join Sebastian and Rodney as they grapple with the vacuum of space, open a portal to hell and debate the merits of this Alien by way of The Shining cult classic.