That Story Show - 90% Clean

There is a baby who belongs to two listeners of Nobody’s Listening who wouldn’t even be married if not for this show! This is their story!

This week’s clean comedy stories:

James’ dog risks his life by lying on his laptop backpack. John had to deal with Yard Sale people. James was nearly eaten by a giant poodle. John tortures his home’s termites. Jenna hires herself out as a maid to her brother. John’s son tries paintball and it doesn’t end well. James fantasizes about shooting a bold nuisance raccoon.

Question of the Weak:

What is your least favorite word?

Excellent answers from M. Smeak, Chris Cowan, Zach, Barbara, Zane, Mark, Dave. Anthony. Elisabeth. Aaron. Daniel, Elizabeth, John, Clark, Zane, Daniel, Johnathan, Tom, Adrian, Jarren, Michael, James.

Listener Stories:

No listener stories this week due to the special interview. Tune in next week!

Links mentioned:

* Girl Meets World Podcast

* Podcast Kid

* Join the NLCast Facebook Group Community!

* Support the show on Patreon!

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Bonus Audio

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This week James wants to slap over-protective, helicopter parents for their children’s bad behaviors… and then he sings about it. This week’s clean comedy stories: John’s son is “that” kid at camp that won’t shower and get’s scared at night. James has problems with the behavior of the children and parents at most events he...

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This week James wants to slap over-protective, helicopter parents for their children’s bad behaviors… and then he sings about it.

This week’s clean comedy stories:

John’s son is “that” kid at camp that won’t shower and get’s scared at night. James has problems with the behavior of the children and parents at most events he attends. John get’s a Father’s Day, James’ son J has a meltdown at the swim meet. John gives us a Mancave update. J’s saving his Jamba Juice sticker till he gets a Device. John’s youngest son is King of the W****s. and James celebrates 18 years of marriage by having his first Senior Moment.

Question of the Weak:

* Luke: Perfect arches. Cause my feet are flatter than pancakes on a Tarmac.

* Chris: They would be hands.

* Patrick: The power of invisibility. While impractical, it would be great to freak people out.

* Zane: The ability to pass through computer screens. I know a lot internet tough guys and idiots who need a kick in the face

* Lucas: The power to ignore Legos and then to build something amazing out of said Legos.

* Jeremy – Dog Poop Resistance

* John: The ability to clear an entire room when I remove my shoes. Oh wait, I already have that super power.

* Misty: To adjust to any shoes I wear like heels and not hurt later

* Kyle: To be able to walk to a pre-determined location while I’m asleep. This would combine sleeping, exercise, and travel time.

* Jared: prehensile toes

* Forest: The ability to dance appropriately to the music (at will… I don’t want someone to play a striptease song and not be able to control myself)

* Me: I would want an alien symbiote that could turn into any kind of footwear, or gear… including tennis shoes, flip-flops, flippers, skis, roller skates, skateboards or even just toe-socks.

* Keith: The power to run really fast, while holding a 25 pound toddler on each foot.

* Adrian: The ability to command other feet to do my bidding.

* Quinn: Turn into bats and fly away.

* Tom: Healing that works when you walk on people.

* Peter: As a father to two kids and husband to my wife, I’d have to go with vacuum cleaner feet. Everywhere I’d walk I’d just suck up all the dirt, food crumbs, Legos and melty beads.

* Me: I want to give my foot powers to my kids so that when it’s time to go their shoes and socks zip onto their feet automatically!

* Fintan: I would want em’ to fart

* Charlie: The power to keep and grow as a French pendi with high gloss and all.

* Johnathan: The super power to jump back in time for about five minutes… that’d be AWESOME… so like, if I say something stupid, I could either take it back, or I could think of some funny comeback.

Listener stories/feedback:

Randy is excited to have found the show. Joy has a friend who dated a Shusher. Zane’s wife thinks he pees in the corner of the bedroom. Middle Schooler Scott drops his towel in the toilet. Bunny Slippers Man rocks our world with an accidental obscene photo. Middle Schooler Red21 has his junk grabbed by a drowning sibling. Heather shares a touching story when during a treatment for Lyme Disease a story by John changed her tears of pain into tears of joy. PLUS Nobody’s Listening is responsible for a human baby that is being germinated at his moment.

Links mentioned:

* Join the NLCast Facebook Group Community!

* Support the show on Patreon!

James decided that if God has a dad he’s done with Christianity. This based on an email from a middle schooler. This week’s clean comedy stories: John was asked to be an extra in some USA Network show he can’t remember the title of. James confuses the Glif with a GILF. John’s son has his...

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James decided that if God has a dad he’s done with Christianity. This based on an email from a middle schooler.

This week’s clean comedy stories:

John was asked to be an extra in some USA Network show he can’t remember the title of. James confuses the Glif with a GILF. John’s son has his own version of the Boy Who Cried Wolf story. James’ daughter reads bad words off a local Vietnamese Cafe sign. John feels like a dancing monkey. James has roach juice in his eye and Jennifer didn’t buy him a Buzz Lightyear hoodie for Father’s Day. James shares the first time he heard the world crotch.

Listener stories:

Luke calls in a few stories about his dad. First Time Mommy creates her own bump in the night. Parker blames his Wizz Waffle on his older sister. The Puppy Dragon convinces James that God may have a dad. Caroline tells us about the Crazy Hat Lady. Noah accidentally sends more than his homework to his teacher via video.

Links mentioned:

* James is doing Voice Work for only $5 at fiverr.com

* Nobody’s Listening Facebook group – Join the community!

* Patreon.com – New rewards for $1 supporters. Dedication-only options for $5 and $10 per show.

Transcription (first 30 mins)

James: Hey, you know what? Father’s Day happened.

John: Oh man!

James: I was a father again.

John: Yeah?

James: this year.. yeah yeah.

John: Congratulations.

James: It’s my 9th year, I think I’m doing pretty good. I’m going for my Deca for next year.

John: Oooh.. That’s scary.

James: My Deca Father’s Day, where I will be decked I’m sure repeatedly. What did your family do…

John: Deca father [??]

James: …special to celebrate you, [click] cause my family [John’s Laughter] Did Jack Squat.

John: That’s kinda what happened for me too,

James: Yeah, Father’s Day..

John: I had a card and I got a little gift.

James: Father’s Day is aka bull-crap day. Because if you have a good father you take him for granted, and then all the rest of people with these crappy dads- they’re just moping all day. “I don’t have a happy dad,

John: yeah

James: “my life sucked and Father’s Day reminds me.” But Just know this, if your dad died, if you had a crappy abusive dad, the people that didn’t, and the ones you’re jealous of, they could care less about their dads at all.

John: [Laughter]

James: So, the most you can hope for were memories that you wouldn’t care less about. [Chuckles].

John: Hmm…

James: No, actually let me get serious for a minute and share something I shared on Facebook, because I love being a dad and, and if you didn’t know [John’s laughter] any better, you would think that I am like rosy-cheeked and happy, and everything is just honky-dory and my life’s been nothing but preparing me for being this awesome dad.

John: Yeah.

James: And John knows that that’s not necessarily the truth. So I wrote this cause I didn’t want to do what Hanna did one time and do one of those Jesus jukes, where you post an image, “just in case you forgot Father’s Day, that fathers are dead [John’s laughter] and other dads are beating their kids!” You know. [John’s laughter] I didn’t want to do like that.

John: [laughter] a Jesus juke.

James: Yeah, where you’re like just like “Father’s Day is a day to remember..

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This week we discover that John looks an awful like 2014 The Voice winner, Josh Kaufman. This week’s stories: White-thug Mentoring Program, John is not Josh Kaufman from The Voice, Jenna’s got three earring holes in one ear, Skyrim and BioShock Infinite bundle, Radio Shack Guy thinks James’ name is Karen, What else comes free...

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This week we discover that John looks an awful like 2014 The Voice winner, Josh Kaufman.

 This week’s stories:

White-thug Mentoring Program, John is not Josh Kaufman from The Voice, Jenna’s got three earring holes in one ear, Skyrim & BioShock Infinite bundle, Radio Shack Guy thinks James’ name is Karen, What else comes free with that Free Chair on the side of the road? John carves a hole in his foot and has some Ikea adventures. Then the NLCast Community answers the question, “If James did ________, he would be as cool as John.”

Listener stories:

Joseph’s sister sees a lady that smells like beans. Fintan makes a teacher in the canteen feel stupid. Paulie boards the Middle School Anarchy train. Veronica gives us an update from 2 years ago… to be played two years from now. And Keith kills it with a misunderstood military-style command.

Links Mentioned:

* James is doing Voice Work for only $5 at fiverr.com

* Nobody’s Listening Facebook group – Join the community!

* Patreon.com – New rewards for $1 supporters. Dedication-only options for $5 and $10 per show.

* Girl Meets World Podcast coming June 21st! Submit your email for early access!

Transcription (first 30 mins)

James: Uh, speaking of imitation, have you ever seen, um, white kids trying to be thugs?

John: Yes, it’s aggravating.

James: You see it all the time, right? Yeah.

John: And I guess, legitimately, they kind of are thugs, I guess. Or something, is it? I don’t know.

James: Well, let me tell you. I have lived in inner-city Kansas City.

John: Yes.

James: And I have lived in the suburbs of America. And I will tell you that there is a legitimate white thug, and an illegitimate one, and the difference is location, location, location.

John: Hm, okay, so you’re saying with the kids growing up, like, with the silver spoon in his mouth, and he’s all living in Hollywood Hills, and stuff, that’s not a thug.

James: That is not a thug. If you are born and raised in the hood, and the culture and the subculture has just rubbed off on you, I mean, it’s just the way you grow up. But these guys that I saw at the park this week were definitely in the second category: the suburban wanna-be white thugs, you know?

John. [laughter] Posers!

James: With the flat-billed caps, you know?

John: Yep.

James: And their pants down, you know? And they’re going pla–

John: Wife-beater.

James: They’re going pl– Yeah, exactly. Two of them. They were gonna ball. They were gonna be ballin’ over there. And I kind of heard them– overheard them as I’m sitting there watching my kids at the park. And one of them said the following, one of them said. It just came in as they were talking. “Have you ever been harassed by the police?” [laughter] Another guy says, “No.” And he says, “Well that’s why you don’t know!” [laughter] And it was apparent I came in on the middle. I mean, There was some sort of thing that happened, and the guy was probably like, you know, “Oh, I don’t know about that.” “Well, have you ever been harassed by the police?” “No” “Well you don’t know then.” And it made me — It filled my heart with joy because I did not realize that there was a white thug mentoring progra...

Bonnie thanks us for not using the F-Bomb… so we make our own version… rated G. This week’s stories: James kinda apologizes to California. John has a not-so-evil twin, Hulu is showing Olivia Wilde commercials, Johns son says the f-bomb, James forwards his wife a distressing message, “Youth and Children did it okay!”, James tries...

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