That Story Show - 90% Clean

Bonnie thanks us for not using the F-Bomb… so we make our own version… rated G.

This week’s stories: James kinda apologizes to California. John has a not-so-evil twin, Hulu is showing Olivia Wilde commercials, Johns son says the f-bomb, James forwards his wife a distressing message, “Youth and Children did it okay!”, James tries to discuss female issues with is wife without the kids knowing “demonstrating men”, John doesn’t want your poison lawn care, James says the stupidest thing in front of the school principal, braved the award’s ceremony from hades, and a lady take forever to give away $500. We ask folks to fill in the following: “If you _________, you’re an idiot.” Elizabeth makes an “out of water” sign. Mandee enjoys our lack of f-bombs and her niece promises not to twerk at church, someone is so ashamed of their no-t.p. story they send it anonymously, Keith’s sons press more than they should testing out the cold chill of a plate glass window. Then we hear from John and Veronica via voicemail. John’s upset that we didn’t pay him $5 to say “Kicked in the Jounk!” and Veronica finds that the Temp Agency is pretty flippant with people’s urine samples. Plus an extra-long Recap-song!

Links Mentioned:

* Amazing NLCast Sign-flipper Video

* NLCast Facebook Group

* Let’s get to 30 Patreon backers this week

* Will wins the sticker-drawing.

Transcription (30mins)

James: It’s a perfect night for recording.

John: It’s a beautiful night for recording.

James: Beautiful night for an apology too. I have to apologize to California.

John: Why?

James: Because California came out with a vengeance.

John: Did they?

James: No, they were very nice, and they were the first to say, “Yes, we do have some weirdoes in California.” They were not shy about pointing that out, but they did want me to go ahead and designate specifically what I hate about California. It’s not the people, even the person I saw when I was in LA. Remember the butterfly looking dude that we were eating lunch next to, with your brother?

John: Oh, wow, the guy with the pig whistle, or something like that?

James: Yeah, he had butterfly wings on him, and all kinds of stuff. I think he was even tattooed.

John: Yeah!

James: Maybe he had butterfly wings put on his eyelashes or something. Yeah, I don’t hate all those people, I just specifically hate the fact that because of your state, there is an “E” behind grille, and that your food is nasty. That your California grille… California, the name, has come to mean for me lots of crap on stuff. Like organic means for me that there is dirt in it, and California cuisine, or California pizza, or California, California, just means we put some stuff in it because it looks pretty, and when you eat this you turn into a hippy. I know this is not sounding like an apology, but I very much confess that I am sorry to all Californians for defacing you and your great state. I just hate everything about you…

[John laughs]

James: …and your state. No offense.

John: If you ever eat in the California Pizza kitchen…

James: You’re an idiot

John: I was going to say, might redeem it for you. But never mind. [laughter]

James: No, no, and no, it’s sticks. (sound: You’re an idiot!) I will remember that. Oh! So what’s been going on this week?

John: Oh, man!

James: Anything good?

John: Yeah. I have got a couple of good things going on.

John takes his Ranger group to a Old West town that seems to reinforce Native American stereotypes. This week’s funny stories: John got a Happy Memorial Day from Walmart, James’ family went to Animal Kingdom Lodge and got cable, John got all of the LEGO Simpsons minifigs, takes a group of Royal Rangers to Westville and...

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John takes his Ranger group to a Old West town that seems to reinforce Native American stereotypes.

This week’s funny stories: John got a Happy Memorial Day from Walmart, James’ family went to Animal Kingdom Lodge and got cable, John got all of the LEGO Simpsons minifigs, takes a group of Royal Rangers to Westville and goes on a rant about a guy on Kindergarten Grad Night. James meets a crazy Portal Kid, is reminded to pick up his medication by Marry Poppins, finds that Disney drinks, and wishes expire at 7:04 pm and that his kids want their dog to be a bit more portable. Then Chris Cowan calls in about a lady with a pointy butt. Kaylee’s sister slaps a lady’s butt with her purse, Lorien makes up a story about a kid falling off his bike, and Keith’s wife doesn’t find everything we say to be very funny. We share some Middle School Drama from Zeke who doesn’t want his sister in her club, Gavin who was not in fact teaching bad words to the deaf kid, and Ian tries to wear his gum as a necklace.

Links Mentioned:

* Made My Day Podcast is back. Check out EP 15 – Hidden Mickeys

* Support Made My Day on Patreon.

* 28 patrons for NLCast!

* Sponsor a single show for $5 or $10. Have a message read, make a dedication or wish someone happy birthday!

* John other fans in the live chat as we record Nobody’s Listening every Tuesday (or Thursday) at 9:30pm EST.

[sub-con]

Transcript Of First 30 Minutes

James: So, explain the poopball to everybody. What’s the deal?

John: I changed my picture on Facebook. It’s not a poopball. [laughter] What am I doing? I’m cooking a grenade.

James: Exactly.

John: It was actually the mud in Alaska was really interesting, and I really hope that it was mud. I grabbed it off of a riverbank so there’s no telling what was in the mud. But it made this perfect ball and it was shiny and stuff and I was going to throw it at somebody and they were taking a picture.

James: Yeah I saw them do that on…

John: “MythBusters”?

James: “MythBusters,” and they did use poop.

John: They did.

James: Because they were trying to find out if you could shine poop or poop can’t…

John: That’s right. It was one of those ones.

James: That’s why I see it and I think, “It’s a poopball.”

John: “Can you polish a turd?” Or something like that.

James: Yeah, yeah. [laughter] They proved that wrong. You can.

John: You can in fact.

James: This show proves it every single week in my opinion. [laughter] How was your Memorial Day, my friend?

John: Mine?

James: Yeah.

John: Very non-eventful.

James: Aw. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

John: It’s a good thing because I spent the whole week prior just nonstop doing stuff for the school and all the stuff that I do at work.

James: All the closing-out-at-the-end-of-the-year stuff.

John: Yes, so Memorial Day was good. How was yours?

James: Ours was good. We went to Animal Kingdom Lodge in Orlando.

John: Oh, that sounds like fun.

James: Yeah. This is the second year we’ve done it. We did it last year and things were pretty rough last year. But this year was a lot better and it was fun. It was just as fun as it was last year. Now that we’ve done it twice it is officially like a family tradition now.

John: So, every Memorial Day you’re going to…?

James: We’re going to Animal Kingdom Lodge on our Florida discount spending one night eating in the cheapest restaurant and then staying w...

James describes his experience at a hipster California cuisine bar-and-grill. This episode John’s got a messy office, someone’s tagging graffiti boogers, and James is reading “Dad is Fat” by Jim Gaffigan. James shreds his boxers, barely stomachs a hip California Grille, gets a straw to the nose and witnesses an old lady in a miniskirt...

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James describes his experience at a hipster California cuisine bar-and-grill.

This episode John’s got a messy office, someone’s tagging graffiti boogers, and James is reading “Dad is Fat” by Jim Gaffigan. James shreds his boxers, barely stomachs a hip California Grille, gets a straw to the nose and witnesses an old lady in a miniskirt trying to ride a moped. John deletes months of pictures and videos from his phone, falls asleep playing Minecraft and can’t understand his youngest son.

Listener Submissions:

* Justin has a moth land on his junk.

* Elizabeth tries to buy a milkshake and ends up bringing a boy into her business instead of her yard.

* Keith explains how to connect with hot girls when your in middle school. Hint: Join chorus!

* Eli has a mishap while brushing his teeth. Every good story should start with that formula. I had a mishap while (doing something everyone else manages to do everyday without incident).

* Josh dumps a coffee at work so he can go get his Starbucks fix.

* Juanauz calls in about his adopted snake and it’s inability to eat or poop.

News Stuff:

* Now NLCast Podcasts coming soon: The Constantine Cast and The Girl Meets World Podcast. Visit and submit your email address for updates.

* Are you a hobby podcaster? Insterested in podcasting? Join The Hobby Podcaster group on Facebook.

* We have 26 patrons so far. Support NLCast episodes via Patreon.com

* Sponsor a single show for $5 or $10. Have a message read, make a dedication, wish someone happy birthday!

* John other fans in the live chat as we record Nobody’s Listening every Tuesday (or Thursday) at 9:30pm EST.

[sub-con]

Show Transcript (First 30 minutes)

James: Hey, how are you doing out there podcast people? This is, “Nobody’s Listening,” the show where everybody’s got a funny life story, so why don’t you let us tell yours? Episode 214, brought to you the week of May 20th, 2014. I’m your host. My name is James Kennison and with me as always is John “Westinghouse-Tutorial Guru” Steinklauber. How are you doing John?

John: Very good today and how are you? It’s good to know that you are…Sorry I just thought technical support.

James: [laughter] Yeah.

John: Actually, I’m great, how are you?

James: I’m doing great. I’m looking forward to that tutorial on a YouTube channel near me.

John: Oh.

James: I haven’t seen that posted.

John: Well, you know, that’s going to be part of my weekly update so…

James: Good, good, good. [laughter]

John: Stand by.

James: Speaking of weekly things, there was a photo I saw on your Instagram and I just wanted to comment. I noticed some things in this photo of your office and I just wanted to point them out publicly. You have a giant office.

John: You know it’s bigger than most offices I’ve ever had.

James: Yeah.

John: [laughter] It’s not that big, though. I mean it’s…I don’t know, eight-by-10?

James: It’s pretty big. It’s pretty big. It’s got some really blue carpet.

John: Oh my goodness. [laughter] Oh my goodness.

James: It’s the kind of blue that only churches buy.

John: Yeah, because it’s like on-sale 20 years ago. [laughter] That is the exact truth. That’s stuff’s probably been there since they built the building.

James: Yeah, church carpet.

Bonus Audio

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John’s a ranting fool this week. He’s got problems with Westinghouse and isn’t afraid to rant in a calm voice about it! This week you’ll laugh as James’s son tries to read book full of the’s. John hates his broken Westinghouse TV. James takes a selfie but his daughter didn’t know. John’s Man Room is...

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

John’s a ranting fool this week. He’s got problems with Westinghouse and isn’t afraid to rant in a calm voice about it!

This week you’ll laugh as James’s son tries to read book full of the’s. John hates his broken Westinghouse TV. James takes a selfie but his daughter didn’t know. John’s Man Room is almost done and ready for business.  James wants to steal a bike. John’s got a bloody nose and things that HH Gregg sucks. Andrea gets offended that I hate her. James has a rear neck beard and hates shower heads. Elizabeth dumps on her roommate Sam. J.J. finally gets his story read. So does homeschool kid Jon from 1/2013. You’ve never listened to a more heavily edited show.

News Stuff:

* James was interviewed on the new show the Patreon Podcast by Chris Cowan. So was our buddy Ethan Nicolle!

* James wrote a Frozen parody song of “Do You Want To Build A Snowman” called “Do You Wanna Cook Some Bacon?”

* We have 465 iTunes reviews… which is amazingly insane. Thanks so much! Please consider leaving your review!

* Patreon supporters got their reward packs this week. Some took pictures and said some awesome things. Thanks Lauren Mack, Jani Strzepek, K Walker and Aaron!

* James audio journal, The Gospel of Kennison has been updated. Check it out!

* Article: Thoughts On Podcast Structure: Part 1 – What Is Your Topic?

* Article: Children’s Ministry: A View From Outside

* Do you podcast for fun? Join The Hobby Podcaster group on Facebook.

* Join us LIVE every Tuesday night at 9:30pm EST

[sub-con]

Show Transcript (First 20 minutes):

Hey guys this is Nobody’s Listening, everybody’s got a funny life story. It is the funny story podcast episode 213 project week of May 15, 2014. I am your host, my name is James Kennison and with me as always is John “Panera Idiot” Steinklauber, welcome back John.

John: [Laughing] thanks.

James: Remember when I used to do that and give you little…

John: Yes

James: …nicknames

John: Nicknames… based on something that I have said at some point in time.

James: Yeah, so the chat room helps me figure it out, they actually said Panera                                                                                                    basket but I was like I can make that one better

John: [Laughing] Panera idiot, I mean the other guy is.

James: I mean that was last episode sometimes they all kinda run together for me      so…

John: Yeah

James: Ok, so, hey, Christian, you heard me mention him on top of the show as one of the announcers, supporters, he gave not through Patreon but directly through PayPal and he gave $10 which means not only will you get mentioned but we would read something from him on...

James tries to peg a moth in the toilet bowl. John’s got issues with an idiot at Panera and his son’s a Sinner. Stay till the end for a Recap-song that pays tribute to a special dearly departed guide-dog. This episode we talked about the updated Website, My new favorite patron, Doctor Who season 8...

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

James tries to peg a moth in the toilet bowl. John’s got issues with an idiot at Panera and his son’s a Sinner. Stay till the end for a Recap-song that pays tribute to a special dearly departed guide-dog.

This episode we talked about the updated Website, My new favorite patron, Doctor Who season 8 spoilers about Samuel Anderson and Peter Capaldi, then James sees a dog with a special and demeaning bow. John’s son uses technology to get close to a home school hottie. Jenn makes Mexican sloppy-joes, and why you should never return a lost library book you’ve already paid for. Patreaon has 24 backers and the reward stickers are going out in the mail this week. Our sticker drawing winner was Aaron. You can sponsor a single episode on the website on the Support NLCast page. Then Rockstar Paul tells of a wicked man with a wicked white cain. Elizabeth shares a story that involves spankings and her mom’s wiry leg-hair (*shudder*). Derek tells a slightly modified version of a true story about “Spotlighting”. Joseph is possessed while on a missionary trip. Anthony makes falling off your bike sound like a Micheal Bay film and then Keith shares how his trusty guide-dog Macky did too good of a job and his job helping Keith with his job… even while he wasn’t doing his job. You’ll see. It’s cute. Cause dogs.

[sub-con]

Transcription (5 mins)

James: Uughh So How’s you’re week been, man?

John: My week has been…mmmm..ok. (laughter)

James: All right

John: Yeah yeah I got this. I don’t know if it’s like drainage or what

James: EEEWW

John: I got a little sick (laughter) yeah not that kind (laughter) of..that’s gross any kind of drainage…I wasn’t even thinking of butt drainage until you said not that kind of

drainage now I’m thinking of butt drainage (laughter)

John: No, no

James: What

John: It’s not butt drainage

James: Have you been eating some Splenda?

John: NO no

James: Or whatever..

John: Olestra

James: Olestra or Olean

John: Olean… may cause anal seepage

James: Loosen up the sphinx (laughter)

John: Nope not no just uuhh I can’t see I have nothing left. Except I, it might have been sinuses thus it might be voice now which I don’t mind

James: Yea last time we talked about how attractive you were with a bald head now you’ve got the sexy voice

John: Now I’m crazy

James: You may be causing some of our female listeners to stumble

John: (laughter) Well until they see my picture

James: That’s right

John: They’ll be like oh man I stumbled for what?

James: Well I’m actually thinking of swapping the photo’s out (laughter) so everybody’ll think you’re the fat guy (laughter)

John: No one will be the wiser

James: He does great voices but he’s SO FAT…so..uh well.. I um I don’t know if you noticed but if you go to podcast.nlcast.com you can see what I’ve been working on for I guess Sunday Monday and today and last night and the night before a few weeks, no a few days. I was working on the website podcast.nlcast.com I’ve struggled with the theme in the podcast for quite a while because there’s no such thing there’s not good theme for podcasters that just does what a podcaster would want.

John: Yeah

James: I’ve looked around and spent hours just proving that fact and then I was like I oughtta hire somebody, you know. And then I was like No I’m Not because it costs 900 bucks or something (laughter) so then I’m like I’m going to try it myself so by god I learned some extra bonus I mean I knew enough to get by but I learned how to do some cool stuff. Now there’s a featured podcast section and there’s this cool you know green ribbon navigation across the top.

John: And that scrolling thing you got at the top of the screen looks pretty sharp