Is your sex life taking a back seat due to a busy schedule? Tune in to discover how and why to prioritize physical intimacy, with our personal tips and tricks to keep it at the top of your to-do list. We'll also share the psychological, physical, and emotional benefits of prioritizing your sex life, especially for mission-driven couples. Plus, hear about our relationship agreement that keeps us on track!

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - Prioritizing your sex life & defining “sex life”

(02:04) - The key mindset for success for regular physical intimacy

(03:49) - Our relationship agreement about our sexuality 

(05:21) - Psychological and physiological effects of lacking physical intimacy

(09:17) - The correlation between orgasm, creativity, and cognitive capacity

(15:09) - How to prioritize sex life for busy couples

(16:38) - Importance of prioritizing sex life for a mission-driven relationship

(18:53) - Aligning with your partner

(23:49) - The impact of attachment styles on sexual intimacy

(25:28) - Scheduling as a tool to manage life phases and hormonal differences

(27:24) - Importance of understanding and addressing different needs within a relationship

(29:22) - Addressing concerns when a partner doesn't prioritize sex life

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Episode 91: Great Relationship But No Chemistry?

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Do you crave a deeper connection with your partner but don’t know how in the face of super busy lives and schedules? Listen in to hear about a transformative daily connection exercise that has significantly deepened our connection in the face of crazy-busy lives. 

By prioritizing emotional intimacy and mindful listening, we’ve found this short but consistent practice minimizes conflicts and strengthens bonds. Discover how to bring more depth and connection into your relationship with this practical, heartfelt tool. Tune in to learn the steps and experience the profound impact it can have on your partnership. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:24) - How deeper connection in relationships creates less conflict

(01:36) - Our daily connection exercise that’s been a game changer for us

(03:09) - Rules of engagement for the couples exercise

(04:28) - What to avoid during the relationship exercise

(05:45) - Benefits of the connection exercise on relationship dynamics

(06:30) - Practicing presence and mindfulness as a listener

(08:08) - Prompts to help with deeper sharing in relationships

(10:18) - Reflection and gratitude after sharing for relationship improvement

(11:29) - Switching roles and completing the relationship exercise

(13:33) - How the connection exercise has specifically improved our relationship

(18:07) - Using morning pages for deeper self-connection

(19:40) - Somatic benefits of the couples connection exercise

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Download this connection exercise here!
• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Ep8 “Top Shelf Listening + Our Edgy Example”
• Dick Schwartz and IFS
• Marie Forleo
• The Artist’s Way

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.

Do you and your partner have the same frustrating argument over and over? Or you can’t figure out why the same darn issue keeps coming up and you can’t seem to resolve it? We know all about that! Today we share how we woke up to the root cause of the ongoing argument that helped us resolve the issue, instead of just putting bandaids on it. Listen in to hear key mindsets and actionable steps you can apply to help resolve those painful arguments. 

(00:00) - Discussing key elements to navigate repetitive arguments in relationships

(01:22) - A key mindset that will shift you from stress to opportunity

(04:05) - Our personal example of a recurring argument and pivotal moments leading to an emotional and honest discussion

(14:42) - Three approaches you can apply to address recurring arguments in a relationship

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Episode 2: Our agreement about abundant repair
• Dick Schwartz and IFS

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Do you have a great relationship but it’s lacking chemistry? In this episode we suggest five unique areas to explore if your partnership is lacking the sparkle it used to have. We also share our relationship agreement that’s the secret to keeping our relationship chemistry and intimacy in tip top shape!

(00:00) - Introduction to navigating relationships that are healthy but lack chemistry

(01:49) - Our personal relationship agreement that generates chemistry in our partnership 

(02:33) - Importance of Generativity / Our Brain’s Tendency to Automate Our Partners

(04:43) - The Need For Effort and Intentionality in Long-term Relationships

(07:30) - Common Patterns in Long-Term Relationships Leading To Lack of Chemistry

(08:37) - Importance of Prioritizing Intimacy

(10:34) - Investigating Interpersonal Issues Causing Lack of Relationship Chemistry

(13:02) - Importance of Showing Up For Your “We” Regardless of Chemistry Feelings

(15:03) - Exploring Root Causes Affecting Desire and Chemistry

(17:32) - Impact of Pornography

(18:13) - Physical Attraction Challenges

(19:47) - Hormonal Factors

(21:48) - How To Have Conversations About Attraction and Intimacy

(24:25) - Seeking Couples Support When Needed

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Al-Anon: Resource for partners

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Giving ultimatums in relationships is a serious, but sometimes necessary, decision. In this episode we explore the circumstances under which an ultimatum might be the right move, how to thoughtfully prepare for delivering one, and the importance of being clear and committed when standing up for your needs. Dr. Will shares his personal experience of giving an ultimatum in his first marriage and the transformative journey that followed. The discussion highlights the balance between supporting a partner's success and ensuring your own needs are met.

00:00 - Introduction to ultimatums in relationships

02:32 - Identifying when to consider an ultimatum

04:25 - Examples of when an ultimatum might be necessary

05:34 - Being for each other's success

07:30 - Dr. Will's personal story of giving an ultimatum

13:53 - Steps to prepare for giving an ultimatum

18:56 - The importance of being willing to follow through

19:39 - Planning the best scenario for delivering the ultimatum

20:18 - Getting clear about what the ultimatum specifically entails

23:48 - Setting a timeframe for the ultimatum

26:11 - Approaching the conversation with your partner

29:32 - Final thoughts and encouragement

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Al-Anon: Resource for partners

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Impulsively threatening the relationship when we get triggered, angry, or unable to work through repeating relationship conflicts is an ineffective way of attempting to get our partner to change. It creates insecurity, dysregulation and fear, rather than creating the feelings of safety and security that’s needed to work through difficult relationship challenges together. 

Today we discuss the importance of taking more skilled self responsibility in relationships, particularly when it comes to making threats or issuing ultimatums, including effective communication, mutual understanding, and adult behavior in addressing conflicts. In this episode we offer healthier and more constructive alternatives to addressing conflict and ideas on how to deal with a partner who keeps impulsively threatening the relationship. 

(00:00) Introduction and definition of threatening the partnership

(02:16) Impact of threats on conversations and relationships

(04:28) Importance of creating safety rather than triggering threat responses

(06:39) Personal example of threatening language and its impact

(15:00) Importance of showing up as an adult during conflicts

(17:19) Advice for those who frequently threaten relationships

(19:35) Taking responsibility and protecting each other in relationships

(22:22) Closing thoughts on working through connection issues together

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Stan Tatkin - The PACT Institute

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

How can you bring your vulnerability in a way that brings your partner closer to you? What is "masculine vulnerability"? In episode 88 of The Art of We podcast we dive into this topic, bringing smart relationship advice and best relationship practices for couples who want a successful partnership. We share our definition of masculine vulnerability and effective strategies for bringing more vulnerability for the purposes of building a lasting and extraordinary partnership together.

(00:00)   The intersection of masculinity and vulnerability and definition of terms. 

(04:21)  Cultural & historical perspectives on masculinity 

(06:38)  Example of hosts bringing “agentic” vulnerability to one another

(08:28)  Highlighting the progress in recognizing and addressing internal signals of vulnerability

(09:59)  Practicing self-responsible vulnerability and checking interpretations

(11:02)  Navigating relationship challenges from vulnerable conversations

(13:58)  The difference between vulnerability and disguising hidden agendas

(16:01)  Encouraging authentic and responsible communication in expressing vulnerability

(19:15)  Navigating triggers and activations when partners share vulnerably

(21:43)  Recognizing and addressing learned behaviors from past experiences

(24:01)  Invitation for listeners to have open conversations with partners

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• The Collaborative Way and Lloyd Fickett

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

As mission-based people, it’s culturally acceptable to constantly be tethered to our phones, but what happens when being at the beck and call of our business gets in the way of authentic and deep connection? In this episode, we explore the impact that technology overuse has on our relationship and work on crafting a new agreement about using our phones after working hours. 

Since starting the Integrative Psychiatry Institute in 2018, we’ve largely been in startup mode. Now that the team is built out and there’s more operational support, it’s not solely on Will to put out fires anymore. But, shifting out of the habit of picking up the phone for every ping and ding hasn’t come naturally. 

In our conversation, we unpack the effects of unconscious phone usage and how it touches on our childhood wounding. We workshop ways that we can come to an understanding, rather than operate from a place of fear or insecurity. We also look at ways that having boundaries around technology can create more sovereignty over our attention and energy. 

Our invitation this week is to work with your partner to understand why there’s something interfering with your connection, technology or otherwise, and discuss the impact it has on your relationship. With that foundation, it’s easier to collaborate on a win-win solution. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Becoming more conscious of what we spend our time on, particularly outside the office 
• Learning how to express the need for contact and attention 
• Experimenting with an agreement about how we use technology in the evening 
• Ways that social media might be covering up a lack of authentic connection 
• How we can experience more freedom by practicing constraint 

Resources Mentioned: 

• The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Krista Van Derveer shares her journey of being single and looking for a partnership before she met Will. You’ll hear her unique approach on finding love after loss, preparing for a new relationship, navigating the dating world, and her secret relationship practices that helped her weed out incompatible partners to find a partner (Will!) that had similar relationship goals and also stood for an extraordinary kind of long-term relationship. 

If you’re single and looking for a relationship or you want to elevate your current relationship, this episode is for you!

00:00 - Unique approaches to calling in a partner

01:40 - Discussion on the concept of calling in "the one"

04:23 - Krista’s relationship journey before meeting Will

06:33 - Reclaiming desire after loss

08:30 - Talking a stand for the type of relationship we really want

10:02 - Does it really help to list qualities desired in a partner?

12:18 - Secret practices and orientations for finding the right partner

14:10 - Dating advice for those currently vetting potential partners

16:32 - Importance of authenticity and speaking straight

20:23 - Early dating experiences and assessing potential partners

27:12 - Growth and discomfort in long-term partnerships

31:17 - Overcoming superficial judgments in choosing a partner

32:24 - The importance of honest feedback in relationships

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• The Collaborative Way and Lloyd Fickett

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Will shares his journey of waking up on his 40th birthday realizing he didn’t have the kind of relationship he really wanted, and what he uniquely did to eventually call-in his next partner (Krista!) and co-create the kind of partnership they have today. Whether you're single and searching or looking to elevate your current relationship, this episode offers valuable insights and useful advice.

Topics Covered:

• Getting Honest: Will's 40th birthday epiphany about wanting a secure-functioning, interdependent relationship.
• Defining Your Ideal Relationship: Will shares how he clarified and envisioned the specific kind of partnership he wanted.
• Doing Inner Work: The unique process Will underwent to be ready for a new kind of partnership.
• Practical Wisdom: Learn about the essential steps Will took, from leaving a long-term marriage to defining a new relationship model with a "mandala" of qualities he desired.
• Overcoming Challenges: Moving beyond our limiting beliefs.
• Categories: Dating Advice; Leaving Your Relationship; Calling In The One; Marriage Advice; Relationship Advice, Personal Growth; Divorce Advice

Listen now and continue your journey towards the partnership you deserve! 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*** - Mark Manson
• No More Mr. Nice Guy - Dr. Robert Glover
• PACT Couples Therapy

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.