If you want thriving relationships, having the harder conversations is a MUST! In this episode, Krista gives examples on how to skillfully start a conversation when either you’ve been negatively impacted, or you think you may have left a negative impact. Cleaning these impacts up are critical to the health of any relationship, and of course most importantly with the relationships that mean the most to you. This episode is part 1 of 2, where next week we will share how to skillfully give feedback, especially the kind that is hard to give and receive!

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) The importance of addressing negative impacts in relationship

(03:26) Effective communication tips to keep relationships clean and clear and in tip top relational health

(04:20) Examples of how to start conversations when you think you may have left a negative impact on someone, or a misunderstanding

(10:07) The importance of asking for consent before entering a sensitive conversation to avoid defensiveness.

(10:20) Examples of how to start a conversation when you’ve been negatively impacted. 

(14:55) The importance of not avoiding these conversations, and part 2 on how to give feedback is coming next week!

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Krista and Will dive into the delicate dance of making decisions together when you and your partner aren't on the same page. From the lighthearted story of their mug collection clash to the bigger conversations about significant decisions, they explore how they’ve navigated differences without sacrificing connection. Compromise is not the solution – but creating a win/win is. Listen in for practical insights, light humor, and actionable steps to turn moments of tension into opportunities for deeper partnership.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) Welcome!

(00:30) The importance of full alignment before making a decision in a partnership

(1:08) Navigating moments when you're not on the same page

(2:20) How even small decisions can symbolize deeper relational dynamics

(4:07) How our upbringings shape our preferences

(5:25) The shift from “me vs. you” to a “we” mindset in decision-making

(6:50) Will & Krista’s challenging decisions

(9:00) Understanding underlying fears can help you move toward alignment

(12:38) The power of setting clear agreements to support decisions

(14:12) Conflict isn’t bad, it’s an opportunity to strengthen

(23:15) Slowing down to make decisions together can lead to faster, stronger alignment in the long run

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Episode 68: Navigating Fights About Driving Styles

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform. 

A candid discussion about alcohol's role in relationships, including an honest conversation about how casual drinking habits subtly impact our intimacy, connection, and overall relationship satisfaction. We offer practical strategies for creating conscious conversations around alcohol and making healthier choices as a couple. Whether you're curious about moderating your drinking habits or seeking a more mindful partnership, this episode provides valuable tools and fresh perspectives.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) The importance of explicit conversations in relationships  

(00:30) Exploring alcohol use in relationships & its impacts  

(01:59) Alcohol consumption & its impact on presence in a partnership  

(03:35) Stress, work, & alcohol: Unconscious coping mechanisms in relationships  

(06:16) Exploring alternatives: Non-alcoholic mocktails & couple rituals for connection  

(07:43) How mindful practices and connection exercises can replace unhealthy habits  

(10:00) Recent research on alcohol’s health impacts & what it means for your relationship  

(14:32) Approaching sensitive conversations about alcohol with your partner  

(18:15) Navigating shared bad habits & creating conscious decisions together  

(21:39) The power of explicit conversations for a thriving partnership  

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Episode 93: Game Changing Connection Exercise

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Krista and Will dive into a relatable moment that many of us have experienced—how a seemingly small disagreement can ignite big emotions. They unpack their own recent "dry cleaning incident" and share the raw and vulnerable details of what it triggered for each of them and how they repaired the rupture. You’ll learn how to navigate those frustrating ruptures in your relationship and transform them into moments of growth. This episode is packed with practical tools on how to communicate better, repair conflicts, and move from "I" to "We" in your partnership.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) The Dry Cleaning Incident: What Happened

(00:30) Embracing Relationship Ruptures as Growth Opportunities

(01:00) The Importance of Vulnerability in Conflict

(03:00) How Small Triggers Lead to Big Reactions

(04:30) The Role of Unspoken Expectations

(06:00) Moving from “I” to “We” in Relationships

(08:30) The Power of Repairing Conflicts

(10:30) Assuming Positive Intent in Your Partner

(12:00) Understanding Each Other’s Wounds & Past Trauma In Relationships 

(14:30) Communicating Your Emotional State Effectively

(16:00) The Importance of Regular Relationship Check-ins

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Episode 99: Dr. Jill Carnahan & Aaron Carnahan Post-Divorce

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Managing money as a couple doesn’t have to be a battle! In fact, it can be one of the most empowering & “mutually equitable” ways to grow together. This episode has insights on how to tackle tricky money conversations, turn financial stress into financial success, create money agreements & build a partnership where both of you feel valued & supported. Tune in, because leveling up your relationship starts with mastering your money game!

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - How financial systems can support or undermine a partnership

(02:59) - Addressing inequity & power dynamics in couples’ finances

(05:46) - How couples navigate combining finances & prenuptial agreements

(07:40) - Impact of income disparity on power dynamics in a relationship

(10:53) - Building a financial structure in relationships that supports long-term goals

(13:32) - The pitfalls of "tit-for-tat" financial systems vs joint finances

(16:16) - The importance of joint financial responsibility and co-investing in each other

(18:42) - Balancing different income levels and contributions in a partnership 

(19:27) - Shifting from "me" to "we" in financial decision-making

(21:07) - Addressing gaps in financial ambition between partners & finding alignment in financial goals

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.

How do I maintain a healthy relationship with my ex after divorce? How do I forgive my ex after a difficult divorce? Listen in to hear Dr. Jill Carnahan and Aaron Carnahan’s inspiring story of how they have created a harmonious and healthy relationship after a painful divorce. You’ll hear how to have a healthy relationship with an ex after divorce with the right tools, perspectives and mindsets. 

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - Intro to Dr. Jill Carnahan & Aaron Carnahan

(00:39) - How to create a harmonious relationship after divorce by embracing emotional healing and growth after divorce

(03:21) - Rebuilding trust with an ex after divorce

(04:44) - Navigating conflict & avoiding emotional pain in relationships

(05:55) - Addressing unresolved trauma 

(09:02) - Learning how to express needs effectively with your ex

(14:08) - Why conflict can lead to deeper understanding

(21:35) - Transforming heartbreak into a positive, supportive friendship post-divorce.

(25:16) - Maintaining communication & vulnerability post separation

(30:25) - Overcoming trauma & emotional barriers to heal and grow

(45:04) - Letting go of bitterness & resentment to form a strong, healthy post-divorce relationship.

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Doctor/Patient Documentary with Dr. Jill Carnahan & Aaron Carnahan
• Dr. Jill Carnahan and Instagram
• Aaron Carnahan - “Iris Global Health Film Festival”

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.

We cover a LOT in this one! Including: Creating a Safe Space for Sexual Conversations, Navigating Sensitive Sexual Conversations, Tips for Talking About Sex, Addressing Suppressed Desires and Fantasies, Getting Stuck in Sexual Routines, The Role of Sexuality in Relationships, Stages of Sexual Development, and more. Fostering an environment of trust and security using relationship agreements so partners can work through vulnerable topics without fear of disconnection.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - Creating safety and security in relationships

(01:56) - Addressing fears stemming from “how do I talk to my partner about sex?”

(02:36) - Handling feelings of being less attracted or desiring more intimacy

(04:53) - Keys to prevent conflict escalation

(06:42) - Our relationship agreement that supports us to stay in difficult conversations

(11:53) - Stages of sexual development and self-awareness

(15:00) - Receiving sexual feedback from a partner without defensiveness

(17:51) - Framing requests for change in intimacy with positivity

(19:49) - Discussing vulnerable sexual fantasies with a partner

(22:41) - Getting stuck in sexual ruts or routines

(33:11) - Using relationship agreements to foster secure functioning in partnerships

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• E92: Same Argument Over & Over? Here’s What To Do

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.

Is there an issue from the past that keeps coming up? Or an ongoing conflict that can’t seem to get resolved? In this episode we explore effective approaches for couples seeking to resolve long standing issues and conflicts that resurface over time. We share our advice to a couple who is struggling with an incident that happened over 20 years ago, and also share an example of where we personally got stuck in our own marriage, related to our wedding date, and how we finally came to clarity.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - Finding shared desire in resolving ongoing conflicts

(04:11) - Exploring deeper, unspoken issues in repetitive arguments

(05:18) - The role of trauma therapy in resolving unresolved emotional conflicts

(07:00) - Explicit agreements in resolving recurring issues

(08:53) - Real-life example to illustrate conflict resolution strategies

(11:02) - Understanding your partner's unspoken feelings

(14:41) - Commitment to 'abundant repair' after conflicts for deeper connection

(17:45) - Listening generously and validating your partner’s feelings

(19:53) - Fully understanding and addressing recurring issues 

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• E92: Same Argument Over & Over? Here’s What To Do
• About EMDR for trauma
• Dick Schwartz and Parts Work

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.

Do one of you like your home clean and organized but the other could care less? Does the majority of household clean up fall on one of you, while the other is mostly contributing to the mess? If you and your partner have conflicts around differences in cleanliness standards at home, this episode is for you! We share our own struggles in this area and what we’ve done to become more aligned in keeping a household environment that feels good to both of us. We offer insights to help couples navigate and resolve conflicts over cleanliness and organization in their shared living spaces.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:28) - Couple’s misalignments in household cleanliness and organization

(03:47) - Gender roles and cultural Influences for household work

(06:23) - Dealing with different cleaning habits in a relationship

(07:47) - The pain of subordination and built up resentments 

(10:26) - Finding middle ground as a couple 

(12:12) - How to communicate with your partner about cleanliness

(17:10 - How to align on cleanliness standards in a relationship

(20:22) - Staying Connected as a Team

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Have you ever wondered how to create a partnership that’s a vehicle for your greatest potential? Or struggled to create a partnership that can grow beyond the sum parts of the traumas, challenges or wounds that you and your partner bring into the relationship? In this episode Krista and Will share how they are using their relationship to explicitly bring one another into greater sovereignty, wholeness and capacity to reach each of their potentials. 

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer.

(00:00) - The Struggle with Authentic Self-Expression And Historical Traumas or Limiting Beliefs

(00:35) - Unlocking Fullest Personal Expression Through Conscious Partnership

(03:13) - Mindset off Co-Responsibility in Relationship Growth and Development 

(06:45) - The Importance of True Collaboration and Win-Win Relationships in Partnerships

(11:34) - Standing for the Right Kind of Mutual Relationship

(15:55) - The Impact of Past Experiences on Self-Actualization in Relationships

(24:13) - The Difference and Power of Standing For Something vs Against Something

Feel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Episode 91: Great Relationship But No Chemistry?

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or on your favorite podcast platform.