Within our web of vows that help us maintain what we believe is possible in our relationship, gambling everything for the love we want is at the center. In this episode, we unpack what that means for us and how we work to bring forth every aspect of ourselves, even in challenging or uncomfortable conversations. 

Unless we take a real stand for the kind of relationship we desire, and then be willing to put everything on the table to give our relationship a chance to live into that stand, we are going to compromise or settle in an unfulfilling partnership.

Although we have a deep commitment to addressing ruptures and impact, we’re not immune to misunderstandings. There’s a level of consciousness inside our relationship where we can recognize the filters that we have for each other. These assumptions and automations not only limit the possibility for deeper connections, and they also have the potential to intensify resentments and wounds. 

We share five practices that help us to lay our vulnerability on the table and work through tension. In our conversation, we break down what these five tools are and how they can help you and your partner co-create solutions. Join us as we look at these techniques in action and discuss ways to approach edgy topics within your relationship. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Why we don’t agree with the concept of ‘choosing your battles’ 
• Noticing when make assumptions about your partner and where those beliefs come from 
• Having safeguards in place to deal with the consequences of addressing an uncomfortable reality that exists in your relationship 
• Honoring the voice that signals your needs aren’t being met 
• Developing a willingness to to receive feedback and see it as an opportunity for growth 

Resources Mentioned: 

• The Art Of We Weekly Newsletter

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss why loving a partner exactly the way they are may not be compatible with growth and support in a relationship. They argue that unconditional love can become a cop-out for not truly supporting one another to step into their greatest potential, and that growth as a couple requires the willingness to acknowledge and address blind spots together. 

Listen in to hear about:

• The importance of challenging each other to grow and expand
• Where couples get stuck in their partnership
• Creating the context in relationship to support each other to see blind spots
• Examples of how to approach one another with a challenge
• Communication skills for healthy relationships
• Taking on the role of holding our partners to live into their greatest expression

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Bessel Van Der Kolk
• Episode on Navigating Introvert-Extrovert Partnership

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Join us as we explore Oprah's '110 Relationship-Boosting Questions for Couples,' asking each other spontaneous questions that not only led to unexpected insights for us as a couple but also highlighted areas where we need to gain deeper clarity in our intimate partnership.

We get into topics such as:

• Is there such a thing as a “harmless” lie?
• How organized glasses in cupboards helps our relationship
• Learning to speak more straight and maintain positive impact
• Vampires vs werewolves
• Does commitment lead to more or less freedom?

This relationship podcast episode with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer has questions for couples to explore around relationship challenges, couples communication and relationship growth as a couple. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Jayson Gaddis Instagram
• Oprah’s List of Questions for Couples

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Today we have a special guest to talk about navigating the turbulent waters of heartbreak & betrayals, & the power of grief as a portal for healing & transformation. Sara Avant Stover just came out with her third book “Handbook for the Heartbroken.” We talk about her very personal & vulnerable journey from devastation to rebirth. This conversation is a beacon for anyone wanting to heal & transform from heartbreak. 

Listen in for an intimate look into:

• Sara's serial heartbreaks across all facets of her life 
• Learning her former fiance was living a duplicitous life
• The journey of overcoming heartbreaks & transforming from grief
• The power of internal family systems (IFS) in addressing deep-seated wounds
• Practical advice on moving from devastation to rebirth, featuring potent learnings, rituals, & practices that aid in emotional and spiritual recovery.

This episode is not just a dialogue; it's an invitation to understand the transformative potential of grief & the journey towards becoming the person you are meant to be. Whether you're dealing with a fresh wound or an old scar, Sara's story & Krista's parallel grief journey offer a pathway to healing and hope. Join us as we explore how to turn heartbreak into a foundation for profound personal growth & renewal.

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Sara’s new book “Handbook for the Heartbroken”
• Sara’s IG account
• Sara’s podcast “Her Self”
• Krista on Sara’s podcast in 2017
• Episodes 78 & 79 on Duplicitous Lives
• IFS Richard Schwartz

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Do you ever get stuck arguing a TON? Or “processing” issues all the time as a couple? If so, this episode is for you! Listen in for strategies to break the cycle of conflict, hear Krista and Will’s personal experiences, and learn practical tools and techniques to disrupt the arguing and to foster better communication and understanding.

[0:00] - Conflict “quality” in relationships

[0:55] - Hosts personal experiences

[1:07] - Pain points in conflicts and advanced communication skills

[6:12] - Relationship agreements for successful outcomes

[7:23] - Strategies for dealing with emotional hijacking

[10:28] - ‘Witnessing awareness’ & its role in managing emotional responses

[14:10] - Practical relationship agreements to aid in conflict resolution

[19:12] - Techniques for co-regulation without conversation

[22:15] - Exploring "smart requests" to improve clarity and effectiveness in communication

[28:03] - Emphasizing the co-creation of ruptures & a growth mindset in relationships

Key Discussion Points

• How the quality of your conflict determines the quality of your partnership 
• Techniques like couples therapy, somatic psychotherapy, & psychedelics to navigate through trauma in relationships
• Importance of relational agreements in maintaining a secure partnership
• Strategies for self-regulation & co-regulation during intense emotional states
• Using 'smart requests' and pre-emptive understanding of each partner's emotional needs
• The value of a growth-oriented mindset in approaching relationship challenges.

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• IFS Richard Schwartz
• Inside Out Movie
• “SMART Goals”

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

In Part 2/2 of this series, we dive into the shadows cast by public figures accused of leading double lives, including the likes of "Dr. Death" Paulo Macchiarini and podcaster Andrew Huberman. This episode unpacks the intricate dance of deceit and the personal ramifications of their alleged duplicity.

In this episode, we explore:

• Our immediate reactions and predictions following recent revelations about Andrew Huberman’s personal affairs
• The often unrealistic standards of perfection imposed on public figures
• Our collective human curiosity about the private lives of celebrities
• The debate over the level of responsibility public figures should bear
• The balance between respecting privacy and demanding transparency from those in the spotlight
• The human propensity to idolize, then harshly criticize, public figures

This conversation not only probes the complexities of fame and accountability but also challenges listeners to examine their own views and biases. If you're fascinated by the ethical quandaries and psychological intricacies of celebrity culture, this episode offers an interesting and captivating discussion that will continue long after you've listened.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• The Relationship School Podcast with Jayson Gaddis
• Elise Loehnen “On Our Best Behavior”
• “Dr. Death” Series on Peacock
• NY Mag article “Andrew Huberman’s Mechanisms of Control”

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Inspired by people publicly accused of living duplicitous lives, such as "Dr. Death" Paulo Macchiarini, podcaster Andrew Huberman, & Bill Clinton, we dive into the complex dynamics of individuals who excel in their public personas but struggle with personal integrity in their private lives, specifically in intimate partnership. We share our personal thoughts & discuss the psychological aspects & real-life relational consequences of such disparities.

[0:00] Duplicitous personalities of public figures

[2:28] Social & relational implications

[5:54] Complexities of deceitful relationships

[7:10]  Psychological impacts & public perceptions

[9:11] Our personal reflections & experiences

[10:47] Narcissism, sociopathy & lack of empathy 

[13:19] Individuals & victims involved in deceitful narratives

[15:00] Moral implications & motivations behind duplicitous lifestyles

[19:30] Societal fascination & considerations of involving oneself in public figures' private lives

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• “Dr. Death” Series on Peacock
• NY Mag article “Andrew Huberman’s Mechanisms of Control”
• “The Clinton Affair” Documentary 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

To sleep or not to sleep together? Celebrity couples like Cameron Diaz, and supposedly the Beckhams, are coming out about sleeping in separate bedrooms. On this episode of “The Art of We” we share our take on the benefits and drawbacks of both scenarios, and address the narrative that there’s something wrong in the relationship if couples are sleeping separately.

Given the importance of sleep for our health, wellbeing, and capacity to connect with others, we take sleep very seriously over here in the Van Derveer household. You’ll hear how we’ve navigated our sleeping arrangements in unique ways that have mostly kept us in the same room, but with a few brilliant twists to ensure the best sleep possible. 

We explore different impacts from sleeping together and separately, from energetic, biological, scientific and personal preference angles. We also share our sleeping tricks for when we travel together to ensure the best sleep, and how different seasons of our lives have required different sleeping arrangements. Lastly, we encourage a real attempt at understanding our partner’s challenges when they are not sleeping well, versus simply assuming that something isn’t right in the partnership. 

A must listen for:

• Contemplating the right sleeping set up for you and your partner
• A deeper investigation the the impacts of sleeping choices
• Learning unique tips and tricks to ensure better sleep for both partners
• Understanding how our nervous systems can impact each other’s sleep

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• Heartmath 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

This definition of the “We” elevates partnership beyond the conventional. Listen in to hear a conversation between us, Krista and Dr. Will, that frames how we view our relationship such that we more quickly can make decisions, work as a team, and operate at higher levels of functioning. 

In episode 76 we revisit a fundamental concept of “The Art Of We.” You’ll hear personal anecdotes and professional insights to illustrate the power of embracing the 'We' in relationships. We dive into the creation of a third entity (the “We”) that emerges from the union of two individuals, a concept that transcends yet includes both partners. 

This episode is an invitation to listeners to consider their partnerships as a potent vehicle for growth and impact, making it an enlightening listen for couples, business partners and collaborators alike. We share simple yet impactful questions and tools to create a roadmap for couples looking to elevate their connection, explore the depths of their partnership, and make a significant impact together. 

Whether you're in a relationship seeking depth or an individual curious about the dynamics of successful partnerships, this episode offers invaluable wisdom and inspiration.

A must listen for:

• Learning how partnership is not only about two individuals, but something much greater
• Practical application for deepening connections.
• The balance between individuality and unity: navigating the tension between maintaining autonomy while also embracing the collective identity of the partnership
• Strategies for growth and overcoming challenges

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must Have

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

In this episode, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer work through a challenge in real-time, sharing a raw and unscripted exploration of navigating work-from-home challenges. Without the safety net of rehearsals or preparations, listeners are granted an intimate glimpse into the dynamics of how they work through conflict while standing for both individual needs and collective harmony.

Faced with the adjustments of working from home more frequently due to their business partner’s paternity leave, Will and Krista confront the complexities of sharing their suddenly all-too-close quarters. Their candid discussion revolves around an innovative agreement aimed at granting each other solo days at home but quickly evolves into a deeper examination of personal needs, boundaries, and the intricate dance of living and working together in a shared space.

The conversation navigates through moments of tension, insight, and vulnerability, offering listeners a rare look at the process of real-time problem-solving within a relationship. Join Dr. Will and Krista as they demonstrate the art of working through challenges together, in real-time, with openness and love.

A must listen for:

• Learning to create shared reality as a basis to work through conflict
• Learning to stand for one’s own preferences while being willing to see new areas of growth
• Learning to get everyone’s needs met, rather than compromise
• Understanding the power of agreement-based relationships

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.