When I began fostering, I felt like I had prepared as much as any human possibly could. I read all the books. I watched the webinars. I went to the trainings. I talked to seasoned foster parents. I even practiced “holding space” for imaginary scenarios in my head. I was ready—or so I thought.

But no amount of preparation can fully equip you for the lived experience of foster parenting, especially in that first raw, vulnerable year.

Now, years later, as a therapist who supports foster and adoptive moms, I can look back on that time with a bit more grace. I see the mistakes I made—not with shame—but with curiosity and compassion. Because those missteps were also my greatest teachers.

Here are the biggest mistakes I made in my first year of fostering—and the lessons they taught me.

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