[Watch on YouTube.]

In this episode, Hayes answers three letters from women who feel like they (and their feelings, boundaries, and bodies) are too much. We explore the question: is it selfish...or is it self-worth? Letter one features a man who insists on being besties with his exes. Letter two, from someone whose boyfriend told her he's losing attraction towards her because of her weight gain. (If you're uncomfortable with the topic of weight, feel free to skip to letter 2. Timestamp in the description!) And letter three is from a soon-to-be 21-year old whose boyfriend...doesn't "get" birthdays. Enjoy!

00:00 Introduction

00:25 The question of being “too much”

02:55 Overview of the 3 letters

03:56 Empathy and expectations for letter writers 

06:54 Letter 1: “Not so chill girlfriend” 

 09:06 Having a reaction making you “not chill” 

11:12 Unpacking the boyfriend details 

17:32 Insecurities vs something to be insecure about 

28:56 Letter 2: “Body size and attraction” 

29:54 Angry about perceptions of weight 

31:36 You are desirable 

35:57 Coming back with better tools 

37:50 Referencing “Fatphobia Is Not A Sexual Preference by Sonalee Rashatwar”

39:44 Reality of body changes 

42:33 Sample script 

44:55 Letter 3: “Birthday ‘brat’” 

46:51 Being celebrated & celebrating others 

49:26 Expectations and flexibility 

52:14 Storytime when my birthday was ruined by a man 

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