Is therapy making everyone selfish? A friend asked me this question the other day...and I have thoughts. So in this episode of the Hello Hayes podcast, I’m sharing my personal journey with therapy and tackling your biggest therapy questions — from knowing when therapy is working to dealing with therapists who overshare, and the fear of facing what you might find out about yourself. Let's dive in :) 

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in this episode, I’m sharing 12 lessons I learned at 31 that helped me get to a happier place — from rethinking success and letting my friends show up for me, to embracing fear and finding joy in the little moments. Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or just navigating life, I hope these lessons help you find happiness, too. 💛

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It's the Hello Hayes Guide to Giving Good Advice! If you’ve ever struggled with knowing what to say when a friend asks for guidance (or felt frustrated when someone gave you bad advice), this episode is for you. As an advice columnist (Hello Hayes), I’ve spent years answering your letters and helping people navigate life’s toughest situations. In this episode, I’m breaking down how to actually help YOUR people — without being overbearing, judgmental, or just plain unhelpful.

We’ll talk about:

✔️ Why advice isn’t a prescription—it’s a map

✔️ How to support people without controlling them

✔️ The difference between helping and fixing

✔️ Why people don’t always want your advice (and what to do instead)

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[Originally published on YouTube.] Introducing, the Hello Hayes Six Besties Theory. This friendship theory has changed my life and I’m so excited to share it with you. In this explainer video, we’re diving deep into the six essential bestie archetypes: The North Star, The Seasonal, The Good Time, The OG, The Dead Body, and The Work Bestie. But this isn’t just a list! By the end of the video, you'll learn the real life scenarios that inspired this theory, how my friendships have evolved over time, why some besties stick around while others fade away, and a problem I ran into when I shared this theory for the first time.

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We all have feelings we wish we didn’t. Jealousy, resentment, comparison...the kind of emotions that make us feel a little gross, even though they’re totally human. In this advice column episode, I’m answering three Hello Hayes advice letters about:

💔 A former friend struggling to let go of resentment toward their ex-best friend’s success

🤰 A woman grieving a miscarriage while navigating her cousin’s pregnancy (TW: See timestamps below to skip this section!)

💍 And a bride-to-be who suddenly isn’t sure if size matters when it comes to engagement rings

Instead of pretending we’re above it all, let’s actually unpack these feelings and figure out how to deal with them.

TIMESTAMPS:

0:00 - Our ugly feelings

1:13 - Letter 1: My ex-best friend is thriving, and I hate it

12:40 - Letter 2: My cousin’s pregnancy announcement hit me hard

25:23 - Letter 3: My fiancé’s twin bought a bigger ring... and now I feel weird

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Can my significant other or sibling be my best friend? Do North Star besties have to be reciprocal? Is there any type of friend who I can expect to text every day? In this episode, I’m answering your most frequently asked questions about my Six Besties Theory! If you're not familiar with the theory, you can watch my Six Besties, Explained video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY5v2LreUrU&t=1s

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this week we're talking about sibling relationships, age gaps, and growing up with divorce. I recently posted about the 8.5 year age gap between me and my younger brother, and how, as a kid, I often felt like a third parent to both of my siblings (can't forget my sister, the sweet middle child!). i wrote that this dynamic has definitely impacted our sibling relationship today, as well as my own feelings about becoming a mom. i was BLOWN AWAY by how many of you responded with similar feelings, or just generally asked me to talk more about this topic. so in this episode of Hello Hayes, we're diving into all those feelings. thanks for being here and let me know what your relationship with your siblings is like!

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my loves, welcome back! after taking a much-needed podcasting break, I’m back with a reimagined vision for the Hello Hayes pod. in this episode, I share why I almost walked away for good and the lessons I learned about failure, growth, and change. plus, I answer an advice submission about finding direction in life when you feel like you’re starting from square one. whether you’re navigating your own reset or just need a little inspiration, this episode is for you.

You can find me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/afhayes

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See you next year, Hayeselnuts!

Hello Hayes survey: https://forms.gle/Jtv2BKr2Wafy75gh6

In the meantime, connect with me on Substack, YouTube, and Instagram.

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In this episode of Hello Hayes, we're talking about long distance friendship: how to make friends when you move somewhere new, but also, how to maintain the friendships that are now separated by miles and miles and miles. Hayes invites one of her North Star besties Matt onto the show to discuss.

References:

Dear Noah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfAzhnguXBc

00:00 Cold open

00:42 Topic intro: Long-distance Friendships

2:23 Meet Matt

4:43 Our first impressions of each other

10:03 Be each other’s biggest fans

12:14 Making friends in a new city

16:43 Scoping people out on Instagram

18:25 The risk of rejection

21:50 How to go from self-pity to action 

23:30 20s vs 30s & NYC vs Chicago 

24:53 “Do I want to quit?”

26:26 Nostalgia vs regret

28:17 It’s OK to be sad

31:53 Hayes and NYC

33:07 Getting honest about our LDF 

35:40 “Is it my fault?”

36:25 Having trust in your friendships

38:00 Inside Out 2

40:10 What happened on Hayes’s birthday

43:00 The challenges of long distance friendship

47:00 It’s hard to say THIS

48:11 Feeling pressure to check-in

50:00 Team Voicemails 

54:00 A secret

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