Kmele’s voice is craggy; Moynihan is on the precipice of illness; Hasan Nasrallah has been delivered to a fiery “paradise,” last seen with his hand up own skirt, desperate to locate 70-odd sexually inexperienced coreligionists.

Also:

* Pat’s “thugocracy”

* Hockey fights.

* Johnny Turkey

* Your legacy is one bad Twitter prediction

* Ranking the least badly governed…

* The return of the Boss POC

* The veep sits for an “interview”

* That’s all she had to do…

* Will Michael Cohen be assassinated?

* Not if he escapes the country (and his family)!

* The return of Tennessee

* 10 days in an uncomplicated land

* That conflict is just like all things I care about (except it’s nothing like the things I care about)

* Disassociating yourself from the freaks and terror supporters

* So we finally got to Diddy

* Sure, he’s a monster! But the Mann Act??

* When you think you’re right about everything

* Alternate episode title: Candace Owens Discovers a New Fact Every Day—This Time, She Didn’t Blame the Jews

* “The incentive for her is to be more mentally ill, because she seems to be doing quite well by losing her mind in public”

* It will be like leaving a 70’s cult

* Nude Africa has gone offline :(

* Nobel laureates …

Yet again, AI has done a bang-up of summarizing a Fifth Column episode, which mostly covers the insane economic policies of both idiot candidates and why members of Hezbollah are having their balls blown off.

But according to the half-sentient supercomputers, the lads discuss how “Melania Trump's new book is a focal point, with humorous commentary on its content and implications.” True enough. And also, there is apparently some conversation about how “evidence is often disregarded in political claims.” Well yes, that’s pretty much every segment on every episode. “The speakers critique the absurdity of political discourse and the influence of social media on public narratives.” Is it odd that the AI episode summary failed to note that Moynihan yet again makes fun of Sam Altman? Only as odd, we suspect, as Snowden not tweeting negative things about Putin…

And remember, if you want an extra episode every week, want to interact with the boys on the members-only “Second Sunday” episodes, or just want them to answer your pressing (emailed) questions, be sure to subscribe today!

First: Our remote recording software uses AI to create text “soundbites” from every episode episode. They are best ignored. But this week, it came up with this: "Music is crazy."

"This is about Indians."

"I want to be black."

"You must have a white wife."

Yes, all of those important issues are discussed. But the conversation is mostly about the latest faile…

* This tattoo definitely wasn’t a horrible mistake

* Matt has dementia

* Pim Tool: tool of the FSB?

* The $400,000 plagiarist

* Brain “interference” vs. election “interference”

* Did Trump acknowledge that he lost in 2020?

* The childcare word salad

* Plastic straw journalistic DISGRACE

* Having principals versus having “a position”

* Dumb neo-Nazi realizes he’s been cheated

* More on the rise of junk history

* An overlooked bit of Tucker’s controversial interview

* Hitler was very, very, very evil. And the migration crisis came with many negative consequences for Europe. Both of the things can be true, you dopes!

* Illness fakers

* Medium fakers

* Ok, so let’s warm up with some music stuff

* Does any band have a perfect four-album run?

* “I’ve read a lot of books on WWII!!”

* On the Martyr Made controversy

* Baby Irvings

* The bad guys are the good guys, and they have no agency

* “The Holocaust was basically a housing issue…”

* The Theresienstadt “documentary”

* The “terror” bombings

* Incidenta…

* Kamala finally submits to an interview

* A Cascade of Disappointment)

* A softball interview

* Flip, flop, flibbedy flop

* Wasted questions

* Just a question of grammar

* Code switch that racist wall

* Trump in the cemetery

* Trump in the bible

* Trump impressions

* Noel, Liam, Kmele

* Matt and Moynihan reveal a secret, racially segregated text thread

It’s the final night of the convention and in the hours before everything kicks off, the lads convened at the Substack loft to chat with Axios’s Alex Thompson, our old pal and arguably the most plugged in political reporter in America. We could offer some conversation bullet points but…just trust us. This is a really good one. Alex dishes on his reporting about the campaign to dislodge Biden’s from ticket, the enormous and quiet political power of the Obamas, and the behind-the-scenes war between Michelle Obama and the Biden family.

Moynihan, Welch, and Kmele’s Chicago misadventures continue in this dispatch, recorded just before night three of the 2024 Democratic National Convention. Joined by the incomparable Mike Pesca (host of The Gist), your favorite podcast triumvirate dissects the week’s events so far, their implications for the 2024 presidential race, and the future of the Democratic Party. Plus, a brief meditation on proper etiquette when dining at celebrity steakhouses—with a pair of reformed gangsters.

Recorded: August 21st, 2024 (at the bustling Substack Loft)Published: August 22nd, 2024